Big Salmon Lake fist full of restrictions

Turquoise didn't know the answer to Rivet's question. Besides, it sounded somehow rhetorical to her ears. Her lips pursed, yet she said nothing, watching Rivet's little body quiver with building rage. Again, Rivet demanded to know why Turq had stopped her. A putrid mix of emotions roiled in the Gunner's gut.

"Because I'm confused and I love you and I want to let you go for your own good but it's hard!" she blurted. "I want to keep you, I just don't think it's the best thing for you. You question me, you don't believe me, but it's true: I fucking love you, okay? This isn't easy for me, either." Turquoise regretted those words the instant they left her mouth, as she knew they trivialized Rivet's position. "I know it's worse for you, though," she added lamely.

Rivet gave her a verbal lashing, pointing out Turquoise's selfishness. "I know!" she shouted in response to Rivet's every bulleted point. "I suck!" She was frustrated, though only with herself. "You're absolutely right. Don't you think you deserve better...?" she wanted to know. "I'm a total shitbag girlfriend. I realize that now. That's why I'm trying to let you go, not because I actually want to do it but because I'm not being a total selfish bitch for once in my fucking life!"

After these words ripped loose from her tongue, Turquoise stood there in silence, breathing a little harder than usual. She collected her thoughts, then added more levelly, "But what would you have me do? Forget everything I've said today. Take me as I am, right here and right now, with my temper and my selfishness and all my other imperfections. I'm leaving the decision of our future entirely up to you, Rivet. Where would you like to go from here? I will do whatever you say, no matter what it is."