Broken Boulder i can't tell if the want justifies the need

yes that is exactly what he is angling for dear sweet alarian. dear sweet alarian with that gentle mouth -- so kind, so soft, so different than delight had imagined (in the darkest moments of night when he'd let himself imagine). was he like this with his other lovers, the epicene's treacherous mind asks slyly, or is this softness special for you? 

"it's been a while," he warns instead, leaving the juxtaposition between them unspoken. never outwardly would he own jealousy -- it'd be unfair. even now he can't imagine alarian is his, even if that's what he wants. "um, that is, if you were thinking..." again he trails off! saying it out loud: what he wants, what they can do -- it crosses a line he's hesitating at. the moment where us becomes us, at least as far as delight is concerned. does the governor even feel the same? (and look, how he creates distance -- "the governor", not alarian. may he be struck down if he ever removes alarian from his thoughts with silly pseudonyms -- he does not even want that much separation between them.)