Broken Boulder you only hold me up like this 'cause you don't know who i really am

so he isn't being overdramatic. he tries to imagine why zamael would have left -- zamael who is so close to alarian and so protective -- and can't come up with any (unless it's because of you a tiny ugly voice in his head says, he ignores). did something happen to him, then? another murderous sibling borne from the dirt of their shared history, or scorned ex, or furious enemy?

and he doesn't need it to be spelled out with that list of other disappearances. there are alarms ringing in his head, echoes of tindómë. cursed, cursed, cursed. ulf, vilkas, queenie, zamael --- anatha, brienne, euka, troy. "i'm sorry," delight murmurs, unable to stop the way self loathing contorts his voice from empathetic to mournful. "maybe it's my fault -- all of this, i mean. i'm a bad omen." he does not say cursed yet (though really, synonyms).

cautiously after his omission the androgyne climbs to his feet and moves towards his partner, seeking to press his nose against his golden cheek for comfort if allowed. "but zamael loves you so, so much," he says, desperate to reassure even still, "i don't think he'd leave you forever."