The Heartwood i'm faithless now though we win

he wished he could've run into anyone else. lyra, even. who he hadn't, for the record, fully gotten over. seabreeze-- yes, he loved-- but the beginning of their relationship was so circumstantial, that's why it happened so fast. poor terance had never meant to fall so quick, neither had seabreeze, he imagined. he wished he could tell her that-- he knew what she was thinking. 

and then she got all soapboxy-- all high and mighty and righteous like she believed justice had been served. the situations aligned in so many ways-- and yet they were so different. hydra and terance were such different wolves-- and terance still firmly believed that his leaving moonspear was justified. and while terance was deteriorating moments before, her words-- so pointed and cruel, drove daggers through his heart, and his despair turned to anger. 

"i get it, hydra," he said through gritted teeth. how dare she use his own words against him-- to hurt him. she spoke to hurt him. and so terance did what he tended to do nowadays when he grew tense-- he got defensive. "i'm not leaving," he returned sharply. though it was a lie, he wanted to make himself look a little better-- better than he did the day he'd left moonspear. "rannoch knows i'm gone." 

he realized almost immediately that she was right, holding his tongue. he'd return. he'd get over himself. god-- he was just such a coward. 

he remained on edge, flipping conversation away from himself. "why can't you drop this? why does it even matter that i left anymore. it's been six months, hydra. are you so self-conscious you can't forgive someone for not putting you and your family on a pedestal if it meant they suffered every day of their lives?" because, in terance's eyes, he suffered every day he was near lyra. 

and he realized only now, after he'd said it, how cruel it sounded. but terance was stubborn, and terance was hurting, so he did not take it back.