Totoka River this long world like my thoughts

难道，你不知道你不跟我说，我会很焦急?我和你不一样的，我很偏执狂。 She sighs with a shake of her head. Ying's next comment, her kick, and eye-roll all serve to further displease Huā. 那不对。我对你的信任超过了所有人，这就是为什么我如此受伤。。。 She looks back to Ying. 无论如何我都会尊重你。

At Ying's final scoldings Huā looks away again. Tears pierced her eyes once more and finally they fell, wetting her charcoal cheeks. She was ashamed to let Ying see her cry; already she figured she appeared weak in morale. This would only serve to destroy any dignity she had left. More about the heat, and fertility, and she wanted to choke. No, no, she couldn't, wouldn't be pregnant. Not by a foreign man. 

And yet her parents were no longer there to keep under the control of what cultural norms dictated. But her family was. She knew many of them were still aligned with the values of home- she had thought she was, too- and yet the plague had taken control of her, rearranged her motives and cursed her. What would her aunt say, had she known Huā to do such a thing? How about the other nobleman's children? Or the servants, would they have whispered about it between themselves, laughing in hushed tones? And yet she felt already she could never be a good bride. She had wanted desperately to be one when she was a girl- and she and Mei had practiced it well, behaved with femininity, quiet, and modesty. And then she'd grown up, and been used. And she'd found that she liked women. She would never be the perfect bride, and this mistake sealed the deal. 

Heat... why must it plague her? 

 我真的不知道。对不起。。。 Is all she can quietly muster for now.