Lost Creek Hollow she's so high

@Sarah? :D but if someone else snatches this up i can easily make us a new one :)

Valette had told Nikai that the wolves of Bearclaw Valley had moved to Lost Creek Hollow, where the wolves of the Sunspire had settled now. The Hollow wasn't too far from Easthollow, so Nikai easily made the journey there despite his handicap of the missing leg. He arrived with a smile on his face as he thought of the fiery-furred girl from Bearclaw Valley. He hoped that she was looking a little happier today -- she'd not seemed all too happy at the time.

Upon his arrival at the Hollow's borders Nikai waited patiently, adjusting his posture to submission at another pack's borders. He wondered if he knew any of the other wolves from here. The Sunspire... He wasn't sure who they were, but he found it surprising to smell Rannoch of Northstar Vale's scent growing at the borders. He remembered how Keoni had wanted to move there, or, well, he thought she had. She always seemed so keen on them and she was so happy when they visited that time. But now it was long since Keoni had passed and Nikai had lost touch with them after her passing. He wondered if Rannoch even knew that she had died. With the thoughts of Rannoch and Keoni heavy on his mind, Nikai waited patiently at the borders.

Osprey had kept her promise and never left Sarah's side. She was with her daughter in her dreams, helping to fight nightmares, her presence, invisible to others, but warm and perceptible still stayed during the day. The grayscale Redleaf realized that she was probably hallucinating, that this could be a bad sign in long-term, but the relief and happiness was too great to let this fantasy go. Her mother was like a little sun that she had hidden safely inside her heart and whose warm light shone from within and fended off the emotional darkness. Sarah was not yet healed, but she was able to breathe freely at least.

She had been patrolling the borders, reading the messages others had left there and stopped briefly to close her eyes and call the image of Osprey in her mind, when the sound of soft, uneven footfalls, made her alert. Sarah noticed the dark pelted wolf and both instinct and old-habits told her to go and intercept the stranger right away, but she hesitated to do so. Go on. Meeting people will do you good. Either it was her, who thought it or Osprey, who said it in her mind, Sarah obeyed immediately, got to her feet and went over to greet the fellow. "Good day, mister," she told him, once she was within such distance that she did not have to shout to be heard. "What has brought you to the Lost Creek Hollow?"

It was a stranger that first approached him, someone that he didn't yet know. Nikai smiled all the same, though, greeting her with a friendly disposition. Heya, he greeted cheerfully. To avoid being called 'mister' throughout their entire meeting, he quickly introduced himself after she asked him what had brought him here. I'm Nikai from Easthollow. I've been travelling for the last year, and I'd met a girl from Bearclaw Valley before I left. She -- Uh, I heard from Valette that Bearclaw Valley had disbanded and moved here. He wasn't too sure how to describe his specific interest in this girl. Maybe it was because she had seemed so unhappy that he wanted to see her again, see if he could help cheer her up. Maybe it was just that he'd felt the opportunity to make a friend more strongly with her than any of his other random encounters. He just hoped she was still here.

The problem was that he had forgotten her name, however, so all he could do with was a description: Her fur is fiery and red. It's been a while, so I've embarrassingly forgotten her name. Nikai grinned sheepishly, though he didn't see to beat himself up over it too much. He waited for her response, hoping she knew anything about the girl's whereabouts.

"I am Sarah," she managed to introduce herself as well, before Nikai went on to a lengthy description of, why he had come here. When he began to describe the girl he was looking for, there was a momentarily change in her expression - something between recognition and mild amusement. Another one. Had she been familiar with Oscar Wilde's work, she would have wholeheartedly agreed with Lady Bracknell. Paraphrasing her quote: to lose one person was a misfortune. To lose another seemed like carelessness. Seemed that in 9 encounters out of 10 with people that did not belong to the hollow, they had lost someone somehow and were looking for them.

For a moment she also wondered, if Cory and Cass were just as concerned about her too, but this was a thought for another time. "I am sorry, but I do not know anyone here, who looks as you have described her," she replied. "I have not been here long, though, so maybe some other longer standing members here might now. Not sure, what they are doing at the moment and whether they are available to come for a chat though," she apologized. With the spring madness going on and Terance being busy, she doubted that he would be too interested to be enlisted in the missing person search.

She introduced herself as Sarah and then said she didn't know anyone there who looked like he described. Then she admitted she'd not been there long, so maybe someone else knew? He shook his head and explained: Ah, it's no biggie. I met her once. I guess she's moved on to a different place. Oh well. Maybe Nikai would meet her again some day or maybe he wouldn't.

He then wondered: How's the situation here at Lost Creek Hollow? I'm a mediator and a coach, so if there's anything I could do to help our neighbouring pack I'd be happy to. Nikai smiled a friendly smile, eager to help them and work on becoming better at his specialties, though also able to understand if they preferred not to get a stranger's help.

When asked to describe the situation in Lost Creek Hollow, Sarah became confused, took a quick look over her shoulder, as if to see, if there was anyone to either help her or who would have problems to solve. But in reality the question was a direct hit in the window of her guilty conscience about not socializing more with her brother's packmates. Ironically, that same brother included. It was comforting to know that the people, where here in the background, but she did not feel need for a closer interaction. 

Did this mean that there was something wrong with her? "Umm... I don't know. Can't speak about others," she finally came up with an answer and shrugged. "Ah... but can you elaborate on, what exactly you do?" she asked then, because this was not clear to her either.

Right. Nikai realised that since she hadn't been here for very long, that meant she also couldn't elaborate on the needs of the pack very well. Oh well. He supposed he'd return at a later point, and maybe he would get to speak to Rannoch then. He'd just have to call for him some time and hope that he still even remembered Nikai at all. Maybe if he mentioned Keoni.

Anyway, at her question Nikai nodded and elaborated in friendly manner: As a coach, I help others who are having a bad time to feel better, and teach the pack's youth, or inexperienced wolves, what I know. And as a mediator I settle differences between wolves. Generally I'll just talk to both or all of them and try to get them to see eye to eye with one another. He hoped this explained it well enough. Even if he would not end up needing to help Sarah, at least she knew where to find him if she ran into anyone who needed help.

Talking helps. Sarah was reminded of her meeting with Gannet and, how he had been the first to suggest it. He had been right, although it was an advice that she had found very difficult to follow. Due to her unwillingness to swim out of her darkness. Things had changed now, she wanted to live, she wanted to recover and the fate had just thrown an opportunity in her way. 

She looked over her shoulder left and right, scanning the area, to see, if anyone was around to overhear them, eventually deciding that she could propose a walk outside the hollow. "I could use some talking," she told him, realizing, how weird this request sounded. There was no one word to describe her condition, problems and challenges, she would not do that, even if she knew that defnition. "If you are up to - we could walk," she offered him. "If not, we can stay here - your choice."

It seemed that he had struck a chord one way or another and after checking if no one was around, Sarah said that she could use some talking. Nikai smiled, glad that he could be of some help. These wolves were his neighbours, after all, so he liked the thought that he could help them out (and polish his skills as a coach at the same time). He nodded in acceptance of the task, so to say.

When she suggested they walk, he nodded. Walking was always good, and through his life on three legs Nikai had learned that taking frequent walks kept the stiffness away fairly well. Let's walk, he agreed, and he allowed Sarah to lead the way, following her lead. Always easier talking about the heavy stuff when you're also doing something else. That was his experience, anyway.

They had walked for a while and Sarah had not uttered a single word yet. In part, why she was thinking, what to tell Nikai, who technically was a complete stranger. Which thoughts and ideas she could entrust with him and which should she keep to herself. In part, because she had always enjoyed meaningful silences, when there was not anything to say. Forcing a conversation to happen was something she deemed to be a useless thing.

And eventually she began not by spilling out her cup of problems, but by an observaton of the other's odd gait and mild shock, when she realized that the guy had three feet instead of four. "What happened to your leg?" she asked, forgetting about tact and common courtesy.

When they started to walk, there was silence at first. Nikai didn't mind this much; it could be good to arrange your thoughts sometimes before you said something. He thought to remind her that he was just some guy from another pack and that it could help to tell your problems to someone that you didn't know well at all, but then decided to simply savour the silence for now.

Eventually she spoke, though the first though she said was about his leg, not about herself. Nikai chuckled at first when she asked the question, considering this was supposed to be a coach talk about her. But it could be useful to break the ice with some meaningless talk first, he knew, so he explained the story he'd come to explain a hundred times ever since the loss of his leg: Hunting accident. There was an infected wound that just wouldn't quit. When I was wandering the wilds I blacked out and when I came to, I was without a leg. I've learned to move on three legs fairly well, though. Won't be as fast as I was before, but I get by. There, that concluded the leg subject, at least. Nikai thought idly about his scout trade -- he should really think of exchanging it for something else.

Nikai did not mind telling the story, which was remarkable not beause he had ended up hobbling of three legs, but by the fact that he was still alive. Wounds of any kind were dangerous in wilds, even if there was a knowledgable healer around. And his injury must have been very severe. Impressive, really.

And then she had nothing to say to him again for the next stretch of their walk, her head comfortably devoid of thoughts, her perception and being blending together with the surroundings - the white of the snow, the crisp and cold air, the silence around them, broken only by the sound of their footfalls. Even Nikai's presence did not bother her the least. 

"Have you ever seen the fire?" she asked, stopping suddenly.

There was silence for a good while again, and he remained silent too. Maybe they'd get to the Sarah-part of all of this eventually. Or maybe not, if that was what she needed. He didn't feel like pushing, and so he remained in silence as they walked. Unlike Sarah Nikai had many thoughts, but the presence of another he didn't even know beside him did not bother him. In fact, it made him feel less alone.

When she stopped suddenly and asked him a question, Nikai looked at her and blinked. The fire? He had heard of fires, of course, and had seen some from afar, but never really up close. Never in the frightening capacity that he heard others speak of, that he heard in stories. Not that he remembered, anyway.

No. Have you? Was that why she asked him the question? Searching for someone to relate? He was both sad and grateful to disappoint.

Without knowing Sarah was seeking a person, who would listen to her story. More importantly, someone, who was in no way related to her family. Who was neutral. Gannet had been one such person and over time she would rely on his quiet support more and more. And suprisingly - Nikai, a stranger, who she had met just moments ago, was going to be the second one. She was not particularly keen on either meeting new people or trusting them easily, but then there were those rare moments, when you met a person and they just felt right. 

"It's grand. Terrible, but grand," she told, her eyes focused at a far off point ahead. "Stories do not do it justice. Learning about it from afar is as if... you do not learn anything about it at all, until you face it up close," she went on. "Until the scent of burning flesh has not hit your nostrils, until you do not feel, how it eats away your fur and skin, you do not fully realize that it is deadly."

His question was answered only indirectly, and he found a shiver running down his spine as she started to describe it. It did sound terrible indeed, but to say such a thing when the storyteller had just mentioned that no words do it justice just didn't seem right. Nikai frowned as he listened silently. It must've been an awful thing to witness. She'd survived somehow but it sounded like others had not. It seemed that, though he'd not come to find the ruddy girl nor Rannoch here, fate had brought him here to listen to Sarah's story because she needed to tell someone. Nikai's experience was that someone that didn't know you was in some cases the best listener.

He let silence linger between them while he let the words settle in. They walked in silence for a bit.

That's awful, that you had to experience such a thing, Nikai said eventually. There wasn't much more he felt he could say.

Sarah had not expected Nikai to express any pity and did not wish to hear it either. There was little anyone's words of comfort could change about that experience and she believed that the burns left by the fire were the punishment she deserved for recklessness. A life lesson she would never forget. 

There was silence again, since she did not feel like saying anything for a long time. "My parents were claimed by fire," she said eventually. "And for all I know the rest of my family perished as well," she added. "Not knowing for sure hurts the most."

Nikai frowned as she continued after a long silence, further saddening the story. He wasn't sure what to even say, but then, it was never easy to figure out what to say. Even after losing his own mother and his sister Nikai learned it didn't grow any easier to know how to react. The sad frown on his face mirrored his feelings well, and he was not sure what more he could offer. He was not sure if he should offer any more, either.

So he remained silent this time, knowing that his expression would speak of his sympathy and having no words to offer that would come closer to offering consolation or advice in this situation.

Sometimes silence and a hug is all a person needs. Especially, when they are ready to kill anyone, who will tell them for the 100th time "I am so sorry" or "I know, how you feel". Sarah did not show it, but she appreciated Nikai being tactful enough and not saying anything, just giving her time and having his attention on her. Not judging, not making faces, just being the living equivalent of a diary, where one writes down their deepest secrets and sorrows. 

"There are times I wish I could let them go and move on. There is hardly anything I can do now to find out about their fates," she continued her monologue. She could, of course, comb every forest, every corner of the vast wilds for the smallest scrap of information, but did not see point in doing that. A lot of time had passed already. "On the other hand they were such a huge part of my life, they were the pillars of my whole world, that... I don't really know, what to do with myself now. What and where should I build something new. I do not see the point."

As Sarah continued, Nikai merely nodded as she spoke, but didn't say anything himself. He wasn't too sure what to say -- what could anyone say, really -- and also needed some time to mull the words over because he didn't want to give any old thoughtless answer. What to say to someone looking for a purpose? Everyone felt like this at one point or another, Nikai was sure. He had always wanted to adventure and yet on his adventures he too had felt lost. Only when he returned to the Teekon Wilds and found back Alya Nikai's purpose here had been renewed. He knew what he was doing it all for again. From the ashes of the old grew new things.

Of course, he could hardly start speaking of ashes and new things right now. He could say there would be a point, but would that really make her believe it? Nikai scrunched his face in thought as he tried to think of something good to say, but nothing good enough seemed to come to him.

Moments earlier Sarah had appreciated Nikai's silence and his ability to listen. Now - when he had not uttered a single word, she felt a little annoyed and let that ugly emotion appear in her features, as she frowned at the advisor-to-be. The rational part of her brain told her that he was in no way guilty for the way she felt and why it was so. But the one that was angry needed a someone to unleash it on. 

"Are you not gonna say anything?" she demanded in discontent.

Nikai was a little surprised when Sarah suddenly looked so disdained at his silence. He hadn't anticipated that she might need him to say anything -- and honestly, didn't really know what to say after hearing all of that. It's hard what to say in these kind of situations, Nikai said. There's nothing that will take your pain away. Then, after a brief silence he added: But my experience from losing is that it's better to have had something and have lost it, then to decide not to ever have anything. What use is life if there is nothing left to live it for?

"Here I agree you completely," Sarah nodded with a morose expression. "There is no point in living, if there is nothing left," she said this more to herself than him, the tone indicating that there was more on her mind, when she expressed this. Followed by another period of silence, while she pondered this. 

Rather than saying that she had seriously considered ending everything, she chose to ask Nikai something that was quite the opposite. With a remote hope that, whatever he told her, would become useful in the future. "How do you move on - after there is nothing left to live?"

The frown on Nikai's face deepened when Sarah said that there was nothing left to live for her quite clearly. Nikai was surprised and shocked, as he had never met anyone who had a disposition this negative. How was there ever nothing left to live for? Even just feeling the breeze in your fur or making a new friend.

She then straight up asked him how to continue while Nikai's mind had still been trying to come up with a response to her previous statement. Isn't there anyone left that you love? he asked, hoping she had some relatives -- though the subject seemed too difficult to breach now -- or friends left. You live here, don't you have friends? Things you like to do? A way to honour your relatives by doing something they like? Nikai hoped there was something there that he could latch onto because he was quickly losing hope, unsure how to deal with the situation.

A challenging Advisor trade thread, huh? :P

Sarah listened to Nikai, who struggled at coming up with a solution, and thought idly that doing a wolf-equivalent of a hearty slap would do her more good than this rambling. Hadn't he heard her earlier? She had said (or, perhaps, thought or... let's keep in mind that she is unreliable narrator) there was nothing and no one. Geez.

But, what really got her, was the last sentence - she should honor her relatives' memory by doing something they liked. She grew pale (that's the description for a sense of draining feeling) and clenched her teeth, as if she was holding herself from saying something particularly devastating. He was no good, was he? Or rather - he was good at poking and prodding, where it hurt the most, the... the... scoundrel. 

"Have you ever lost anyone dear to you? Try to think about that and then multiply it by ten," she told him coldly. "And then you would get just a hint at the extent of my problems."

haha, for Nikai for sure ;-)

Nikai wasn't exactly a therapist and he was noticing this now. He had no idea what he could do, but he could tell that his words weren't really hitting home. Honestly, Nikai was growing a little frustrated as he had no idea how to solve that. Not frustrated at Sarah specifically, but at the situation at hand. He frowned as she asked if he had lost anyone. He had lost a lot and if not for Valette, then maybe he would have stood at the point she stood now. He had for a long time felt that Valette was the only one in his life that still cared for him. Until Steph and siblings were born, and until he had found Alya, and met others again.

But what had always pulled him through was his love for Keoni, for Steady, for the faceless mother and sibling he'd lost when he was young. Nikai shook his head. I don't think it matters what I have lost. Grief is always very personal. Apparently so it was. Even though he might not be doing too well for Sarah, at least Nikai learned a lot here. I found solace in that, but it seems you're a very different sort of wolf. I'm sorry, I don't think there's any more I can really do to help you, except offering you my friendship. She might not want it now, but he hoped someday she might wake up and realise she needed a friend and that she might knock on his door then.