Lost Creek Hollow from a razor in a paper cup

backdated to monday.

the day seemed to drag on as long as it could. by the time the sun was setting, terance felt like it had been weeks since rannoch had left. he wondered if the man was thinking of him now... or if leaving him was just that easy. terance wondered if he should've yelled like he did -- maybe it wasn't necessary. he remembered, a long time ago, leaving moonspear. he remembered going to hydra with a heavy heart and a hanging head. he remembered what that felt like -- to have to tell a wolf so close to you that you would be leaving them behind... terance sympathized with rannoch, in a way. but where he had known hydra for only so long, and she had certainly done plenty for him... terance had done so much more for rannoch. 

he recalled, vividly, every sacrifice he made -- starting with leaving moonspear. as badly as it hurt him to leave hydra, he knew he couldn't bare to be without rannoch. there were further complications with lyra, he remembered, but if rannoch wouldn't have asked he would've stayed. following up to redshank and titmouse -- where he held his own tongue in favor of rannoch's mate. it was, terance knew, the first time he realized that hydra had been right about liffey all along. but he stood down, letting this one slide to not anger rannoch. and then when seabreeze left. terance remembered watching her go with his kids, thinking about how desperate he was to go with her -- but how painful it would be to leave rannoch. rannoch had kids of his own. maybe he would've understood, but terance could not have left his friend in time of crisis. he stayed to keep the frostfurs safe. it was his duty as beta -- his duty to rannoch. 

he remembered wanting to leave. he remembered running away. but his duty to rannoch was too much -- and just a simple conversation with hydra reminded him of this. he remembered returning to the mountain with a heavy heart, knowing he would have to endure the memory of seabreeze and his children every day. but hydra had been right, he owed this to rannoch... right? 

even so, when it was truly time to leave the mountain, terance didn't want to go. he'd healed as much as he could from seabreeze in the time he had, and he was making amends with the peaks. he stared at the night sky every night -- it made him feel closer to ibis and okeanos. he always pretended they were looking up at the same stars. he especially didn't want to move to a forest, hidden beneath cover. he could hardly see the stars as well as he could on the mountain. but it was where the scouts had chosen, and where rannoch would go, so terance bit his tongue entirely, and followed his friend to the hollow. which, in all fairness, terance had come to love. this is where he and treason got their running start, where his kids were conceived and born. he loved the creek and the stones and the abundance of prey. this was home, now. but at the time, it had been for rannoch. 

he thought about the bear attack. losing coelho. he thought about flinging himself directly in harms way to protect what was left of rannoch. he hadn't even thought about it -- he knew he could die, he was fully prepared to die. terance wondered if rannoch would've done the same. there was one time, perhaps, terance thought he would've, but he wasn't so sure anymore. he survived, both of them did, by some stroke of luck, and terance was forced to step up to the position of alpha for the time being. terance found he fit the role well, though the first few days were rocky. he didn't know if rannoch would live or die, and even if he lived the man might not be the same. but he pulled through, somehow, and began his healing process. all the while, terance held the reigns. there was a large part of terance who knew that treason -- arbiter now -- would make a capable leader. she showed it day after day, even before they grew close. but still, despite having rannoch in his most vulnerable state, terance reserved the spot beside him for rannoch. and, when the man returned, he returned the reigns to him. terance expected to be returned back to the beta spot, almost willingly ready to accept it. he was able to hold his position, which terance was grateful for, but even so. he wondered, if roles had been reversed, would it have been him up there? or liffey? 

terance had thought through this all while on the final patrol of the night. even as the sun set, you could hardly tell. the sky was blanketed in thick, grey clouds. terance watched as, in the distance, it began to pour. his nose twitched, ears steady, as he decided to head in for the night. he was exhausted, truthfully -- emotionally more than anything... after everything that'd happened toady... but it didn't matter much now. it had happened and now he had to deal with it. so terance returned to the den that night, pushing past the underbrush as he made his way home. 

he ducked into the den just as it began to drizzle, shaking off best he could in the space, and moved to curl up beside arbiter. pike, surprisingly, stirred, making big round eyes at him as he little gaze adjusted. the pup made a noise, stood, and trudged over by arbiter, leaning into her and sliding back onto his belly, hindlegs stretched out behind him. terance sighed, a little, accepting the quiet doting that arbiter was giving him now. he gave her a few kisses to the cheek before he rested his head on his paws. he'd sleep tonight, as trauma had that affect on you, but he knew he had a long few days approaching.