Stavanger Bay avast ye!

When Sam walked again, he was still asleep.

Despite bruised ribs and a brain that still short-circuited in a regular basis, he somnambulated right out of the forest – "escaping" his care team whilst @Kirain rested and @Visala.. well, there was only so much a blind wolf could do, colors or no colors.

He ended up in Stavanger Bay.

A long time had passed since a jarl had walked among the tide pools. Sam was a far cry from so grand a wolf, but walk he did, nose held low to the ground and his eyes mere slivers of color.

"Crab," he muttered, "Offer crab." A decade had passed since a tornado had knocked rocks loose from the cliffs, and they had been thoroughly colonized in that time - a wolf could eat his fill of fish from a literal bucket.

Another was already dining at the buffet. Consciousness rushed back to Sam as the scent of salt-crusted fur filled his nose, pupils shrinking to pinpricks in his eyes. He puffed out his chest, broadened his stance. A loose scab above his left eye drifted to the ground.

"Ahoy, matey!," he hollered, absolutely sure that this was the way he spoke. "Be ye eatin' me offerings?"

Kekoa was tired of eating seafood, but for a wolf who saw the world through the haze of a toad's umbrella it was the safest option for hunting.

Tearing through the delicate meat of a crab his gaze was blank and unthinking, but sharpened into a glare when another broke the soft silence of the sea. Head lifting he could spot the white wolf through the metaphorical mist, and for a moment the world was completely, utterly clear. Your offerings? He repeated.

Pushing to a momentarily shaky stand his judgement was clear; the stranger looked nothing like a ghost talker! And what was with the weird accent?

He was a young thing, with Pantene commercial fur in every flavor and a lean build. Sam's pirate self gave the stranger an appreciative look.

"Aye! The sea did take me wife and brother both,  an' I be feedin' her own wee maties to 'er as payment fer thar safe return. HA." Oh, how clever he was! You show that ocean! Your wife definitely wasn't cheating on you with brother Hook.

"Be ye me proud beauty in disguise? Plant a kiss on me lips 'n let's see if yer mask falls away, lad!" He didn’t seem to be joking, because the wolf that was Sam approached, making as good a smoochy face as a wolf could.

Alright, so he was crazy. Kekoa let out a long, frustrated breath as he reared his head back. Not yet. Whether the stranger was serious or just really committing to the bit he had no idea, but he would play along for now. I need to find my wife.

Giving Sam a rather serious look, he grazed over his face like he was digging for a lie. Where did you come from? This was the first wolf he had come across since emerging from the ocean with his new clarity. Surely there was a reason for him to have been accosted by this strange man with his impeccable taste in other men.

The beautiful boy did not seem immediately interested, but Sam was not deterred – he continued his attempts to lock lips with the dosed dandy until Kekoa revealed that he, too, was missing a lady.

"Aye? Be this true - did the sea take yer bonnie lass?" Sam took a step back (not far enough) and made big eyes at the stranger. When asked her he came from, the pirate looked perplexed, brows meeting to exchange a furtive kiss between his eyes. "I..
from...who-o"

The accent faltered from one word to the next, like a record skipping a track.

Alright, there was definitely something wrong with this one. Nonetheless he swivelled to the side of the concussed pirate to give his fur a thorough sniff-spection. Almost instantly he found traces of something familiar.

So he had been right! A sign from the divine, a gift from Kaisaan; that was nearly enough for Kekoa to give him a kiss with no strings attached. You do remember where you walked here from, don't you? He asked. The strange accent faltered, and Kekoa wasn't so sure what to think of it.

Sam blinked dumbly as he was inspected.  His brain felt like treacle in winter. The stranger asked him a question, and it took him an inordinate amount of time to process what had been said and come back with an answer.

Sam sat, heavily, and squeezed his eyes shut. "I, uh.. home. Forest? Ghost." A long exhale. "I think it kicked me in the head. Did I ask you to kiss me?" Eyes still shut.

Do you not want to anymore? He asked in response, looking almost disappointed. He was quick to shake that off - no time for kissing men, he needed to get his wife. You're sick, aren't you?

He was about to feel some good deja vu here. Kekoa had been a fraudulent herbalist once, and he could do it again. If you take me back the way you came I can help. Whether or not he could, he didn't know. It didn't matter. I can cure the blind and give new legs to those who don't walk. The spirits allow it, they blessed me. Pure ego and fungi induced confidence fueled a new very tall tale, one he certainly could not prove.

Sam shook his head. He wasn't really in the mood to trade spittle and germs with anyone at all.

"I don't know about si-ii-ii-" Sam stuttered. He was glitching, pupils moving rapidly back and forth as he stood rigid and unseeing in front of Kekoa. When he came to a few seconds later, Sam looked uncharacteristically angry.

"You're late," he snarled, as if this man with his eyes and legs for sale was someone he had been waiting for. "She's waiting. Waiting. Were you raised in a tar pit one two one two one two?"

Fine, not like he wanted to kiss anyone. Kekoa was obviously much too good for that.

Maybe this stranger had ate some of the mushrooms too. Kekoa couldn't blame him. Well, I can't be on time if you don't show me the way. He jeered, hoping that playing along once more would get him his way. If not, maybe it was best to follow the mans scent back the way he had come. Let's go.

He nudged the other's shoulder with his muzzle, hoping to trigger some movement

They walked the long way back to the Sentinels at quite a clip, Sam-Now-Karen berating Kekoa for "POOR SERVICE..[mumble-mumble].. A DISGRACE.. [mumble] .. WAITED WEEKS FOR THIS ORDER" without so much as looking at him.

When the treeline was in sight, the vessel that was Sam whipped around to study the danger he had dragged to his own doorstep and huffed a sigh. "You are improperly dressed, he said sourly, tail lashing like a cat's.

Kekoa walked in silence, focusing on the shapes and colours that were welcome to only his eyes.

When they came to a halt he was pulled back to reality, mastering the gen z customer service face in a matter of seconds. Where's my wife. No more games - this stranger, as out of it as he was, had something that rightfully belonged to Kekoa! Small, blind, plain? You reek of her. Other wolves too, but Kekoa would know that ocean wench scent anywhere. It was what he had to go by besides her appearance - knowing her name probably would have been helpful.

He would play doctor for a while if he had to, but the first priority was getting this destiny change done.

They were within spitting distance of the woods, somehow – Sam did not remember agreeing to eacort the lanky stranger to his home. Had they kissed, after all? Was this second base? He opened his mouth to ask, but another spoke in his stead.

"Why ye little bilge-rat... that be mine own wench ye be speakin' about! Took 'er and lost 'er, did ye? Take by the sea, my barnacle-encrusted fanny. Scoundrel! Wife-thief! I'll have yer bollocks fer plain!" The pirate bared Sam's teeth and raised his hackles, and pointed the whole affair at Kekoa.

His wife? Bullshit! She can't be your wife if she's my wife. Two men out of their right heads likely weren't going to get anywhere, but Kekoa, out of the right headspace, also didn't know that.

Baring his teeth in return, he actually didn't know what they were supposed to do from here. Fight? What if this was the eye-snatcher he dreamed about?

I'll curse you. It flew from his mouth so easily - damn you fun-guys.

I'll curse you, Kekoa spat. The invisible pupeteer lowered Sam's head. Squared his shoulders. The shard of blue glimmered in his left eye.

"I be already cursed," the pirate rumbled - and lunged Sam's body at the wife-stealing scoundrel.

Rolling, even he gets hit odd he moves out of the way: 12

The half-wit was quicker than Kekoa had expected, and in a matter of moments he found himself entangled with limbs and tumbling to the ground. His teeth were quick to snap, though aimlessly, legs pushing and pulling any which way.

What was wrong with this guy? Was he insane? He already looked like he had faced something rough, so Kekoa couldn't understand why he too thought this whole wife thing was so important.

Even hit, odd miss: 17

They ended up in a ball of limbs on the ground, snapping at any part of the other wolf that was available. Sam aimed a fierce lunge/bite combo at Kekoa's throat, but missed – and headbutted the ground. 

"OW," yelped Sam, whose tongue had been between his teeth. The pain was quickly replaced by wide-eyed horror as he returned to his body,  and found it straddling a man – the same one he had nearly kissed not long ago. They were moving through the bases at warp speed and Sam didn't even know his name. 

"Did we–" Sam stammered, bug-eyed with fear and embarrassment.

Oh - he was back. Okay.

Kekoa considered what to say. What would mathematically scientifically sociologically get him what he wanted?

..Yes. He responded after a moment. We're getting married now. You have to tell your wife.

More exceedingly dumb lies - hard to tell where or why this is going anymore.

Sam extracted himself from the tangle of wolf parts and put a few feet between them by way of a slow backwards creep. He was losing  his mind. "Please go away," he whispered, tail tucked and ears pressed so flat they almost diappeared. His posture borrowed from the work of pretzels. "I don't know why you're here, just go away."

Something about Sam's change of attitude brought out a light of sympathy in Kekoa. Maybe he could relate, just a bit.

Letting the silence sit for a moment, he spotted something that pulled his attention; a mushroom. Frowning, he took a few steps to pull it from the ground before tossing it to Sam's feet.

Feel better.

And for now, he would leave.

OooOoOo, I see what you did there

Sam remained folded up as Kekoa took his leave, waiting for his body to be taken and steered in directions he did not choose. But the pirate did not come. What fun was there to be had with no-one around to 'arrr' and curse at?

Slowly, like a flower fearing that the last frost is still to come, Sam unfurled and crept towards the gift that Kekoa had left him. A mushroom? He stared at the squat thing with its little hat, wondering if it was meant to represent something. A metaphor?

Dismissing the mushroom with a shake of his head, Sam slunk back into the forest – and took with him a sliver of metaphorical mycellium that would grow into an idea.