Broken Antler Fen Running Never Helps

Anyone is welcome to join, though I am warning now that Ambrosia will be very emotional and down. Perhaps some touchy subjects. But she needs friends other than Sebastian in the pack whether she likes it or not! :D  Maybe @Pearl ? 

Midnight. Though once one of her favorite things, the word itself was now spoiled, had been for months. The word no longer meant the time of day that she had to herself, no. It held embarrassment, hurt, confusion. In her mind, Midnight had ruined her life; more so than most would give credit for. Where before, Ambrosia would walk about her homeland, carefree and often in the company of her father, without a care in the world, these days were different. Painfully different. The fen was nice, the tan and black she-wolf had accepted it as her home the moment Sebastian offered, nor did she regret such a decision. But the male Midnight had taken away what she'd strived to become. She'd never wanted to leave her birth pack, her station as lead protector even at such a young age. The daughter of the alphas! What reason had she for leaving, suddenly and unannounced? Pregnancy, or rather the aftereffects on herself. Puppies she never asked for by a male she didnt accept, all over a squabble she to this day didn't know. Pieces of the puzzle kept falling, despite Ambrosia's fighting to change them. A dead litter, one survivor: one such survivor that had claimed the young females heart and caused her life to be even MORE turned upside down. There had been no place in the pack for the pup of a rapist, even if her mother was the daughter of an alpha. She would have been treated unfairly, judged based off of who her father had been. Her own mother, who had caused the scars over her eye, could not even look at her without fear.
Taking off in the dead of night with her pup was the best thing Ambrosia could have done for Brandy, though one of the worst burdens she'd ever have to carry. Abandoning her pack, her mother and father, her sister, not to mention the post of lead protector. All for one pup, one little female that deserved a fair and equal life. It put a heavy burden on the young female, and it showed clearly now that she had time to think of it. Before, there was always something to be done: hunting for her pup, keeping her safe and hidden, raising her alone and with no other siblings. Once she got older, it was no longer about protecting her but teaching her to protect herself. Not to mention always on the move. Now that they'd joined a pack, had time to themselves, and Ambrosia no longer had anything to keep her mind from her memories, they wouldn't relent. Each one cut like a knife to her heart, remembering what all the left behind. 
Ambrosia slunk across the fen, heading unintentionally towards the lake. Her head and tail dragged as she moved slowly, lemon eyes dull and glossy with sadness. Now that she was, presumably, on her own, she didn't need to look strong. She could break down and look as depressed and lost as she was. There was no doubting that she needed some sort of help, but nothing physical like a wound. It couldn't be that easy on her, of course not. She was scarred further than any wound could reach, and it could be years until she was truly healed.

Of course! Bumping this to present-day, after Pearl's heat :)

Finally, with her heat over and her head clear, Pearl returned back to the rest of the pack. But even still, it was a huge switch to make between her alternate hormonal self and being normal. She was dead tired, but one look at the happy sleeping pile turned her away, realizing she needed to walk it off and think. Most of it was trying to remember what all had transpired in the last week, which she was terrified of finding out. Pearl hated that she lost all control, barely a mere voice trapped in the back of her mind, screaming at her to stop. 

She found herself subconsciously leading herself to the lake, where she felt like having a bath was a first order. She silently slunk down into the cool water, the moon illuminating her coat against the dark liquid. She dipped her head into the water and drew it up, her fur dripping wet. Pearl then sunk down and laid in the shallows, her head resting on the surface and eyes turned to the skies. It was good here. 

It was a while before her ears perked up and swiveled around to hear something coming. She turned her head, alert, before she recognized Ambrosia. What was she doing up? May as well go find out. By the looks of her, she wasn't doing well, and she intended to find out why. While they were acquainted packmates, they were not much in terms of friends. 

She drew herself out of her comfortable position in the water where her fur floated freely, now dripping copiously as to deliberately draw attention.  She let out a chuff to call out to Ambrosia.

Too wrapped up in thoughts and fogged in depression, Ambrosia had no frikkin clue Pearl was even there, though she could've scented her a while back. She scolded herself for her lack of vigilance, but slunk towards the white she wolf as she called. It would be rude to walk away now, but the tan and black she-wolf couldn't pick herself up mentally. She looked beaten and hopeless as she got closer, and she was sure Pearl would notice even in the dark of midnight. Her lemon eyes were dull, almost lifeless, as she turned them on Pearl. Though she might've given her a cold look, she didn't mean it. Her heart was simply as cold as the look, and the young female was having a hard time melting the ice that had formed over months of sulking and pushing her problems away. It'd been easy to act okay when she was busy, distracted. But no more, it was just too much. Even her voice was nearly emotionless, laced with a heavy sadness and guilt.
      "You called?"
She didnt know Pearl's intentions, her reasoning to call to Ambrosia. They weren't friends, but perhaps THAT was why? Or maybe because they both were out in the dead of night. Oh well, she was about to find out.

Pearl watched with her glowing light green eyes as Ambrosia came towards her, something clearly wrong. Her voice only confirmed. It wasn't at all like she was used to hearing, rather heavy, weighed down with emotion, and yet, none at all. She recognized that tone, and instantly she was moved to help in whatever ways she could. 

She walked up out of the lake, shaking herself off before the girl came close enough to get wet. "Hey, what's wrong?" she spoke, softly, and careful not to further cause more trouble. She'd had enough experience with counseling, but she could tell this was going to be different.

Ambrosia stopped when Pearl shook out her fur. If she wanted to come closer, that was on her. Bitterness rose in her throat, and she let loose a vicious snarl at Pearl for so much as asking.... And then her face twisted in surprise, obvious she hadn't meant the aggression. Her eyes grew apologetic as they met the white females green ones. She looked just confused as she imagined Pearl would be, and shook her head.
       "I-I don't know where that came from...."
She gulped, placing herself in a sitting position and looking at her paws. She wasn't sure she wanted to open up to a stranger like the female before her, but she felt her heart ache at the thought of sulking anymore.... It was, clearly, time to talk this through. She couldn't go around being aggressive towards Broken Antler Fens members, and she needed to be able to control herself were she ever to become a good ambassador. 
               "I have many problems, not one of which are pleasant. I would hate to burden a near stranger with my worries and guilt."

Pearl wasn't expecting this display of aggression, resulting in stepping back, a paw held up, ready to move. This wasn't a first, but she was confused and it was apparent this other female was as well. She watched the girl try and compose herself again, only renewing her determination to help. She took a seat in front of the other, listening to her doubts about opening up. 

"Hey, it's all right-we all have our own," she said, "And believe me, you can trust me. I can try and help, I'm training to be a counselor. I can handle it." Not that she was sure that would give the other any assurance. But if this was the sporadic, violent behavior that was happening, they needed to talk about it.

Just so this isnt like majorly long, I'm gonna have her tell the rest of the story in my next post, after Pearl's xD

Pearls words seemed to help, if only a bit, to help her shake the fog clouding her thoughts. Talk... Talk about what? About how she was raped, given puppies she wasnt ready for? That she'd KILLED all but one? The thoughts alone were enough to gloss her eyes, a whimper strangling itself from her throat as hard as she tried holding it back. She didnt want to talk, not about this. But Pearl was a counselor, so she said. She could handle this, give her good advice.... Right? With a deep sigh and a quick glance around to make sure they were alone, Ambrosia rose to her paws and slunk closer to Pearl; giving her a look that clearly tried saying she wasn't a threat. She didn't want her packmate thinking she would REALLY hurt her for no reason like that. She settled on the shore of the lake, dipping her front paws in to feel the cool water, before starting to speak. For now, her voice was calm, confident. As she told to best part of the story, her passion for what live she used to have was clear.
         "I was about ten, eleven months old when my first heat hit, along with the other females of the pack. To me, it was a normal day. I could care less about the odd scent coming from my ass area, and my excitement to do my duties had trumped the uncomfortable urge to do something.... Sex, though it was something I didn't bother to listen to while my mother was trying to tell us about it. My thoughts were on my position in the pack, the lead protector. As soon as I finished my training, it was mine. I was the daughter of the alphas, top of my training classes and highly loved by the entire clan, just like the rest of my litter.... I still probably am, honestly. I have no doubt that if I went back, everyone that remembered me there would welcome me with open arms, even after my abandonment, and what I'd done...."
Her voice became low, shaky, and scared as she started to relive her worst memories. She went on after just a short pause to take a deep breath. This, this was the hard part....
                       "I watched my father, Rox, leave camp.... And, as he did, I followed suit: something I normally would have done, even though my father would never have left me in camp without asking me to tag along. He looked very upset, but I didn't notice. He was going out, and I was GOING to follow, no questions asked. He scolded me, yelled at me to go back. Something was WRONG..... But I kept following. And, as he turned to let me have it, Midnight jumped from the bushes and attacked my father."
She had to take another breath, her voice shaking almost too much to comprehend. She pressed up against Pearls side, though she was smaller the white females mere touch provided her with enough support, mentally, to go on. She hoped she didnt mind.
                                         "Rox screamed and screamed at me to go, but I didn't. I was going to be the lead protector in a few short months, tops. Why would I RUN? I wanted to finally take the chance to prove to him that I was fit for the job.... I might have been, had Midnight not shoved my father towards me. While we were both a knot of fur and limbs, he sat in wait. When we'd separated, he sprung, mounted me a-and...."
Her words choked off, and she shook her head violently as if to try and shake the memories from her head; much as she would if her fur were wet and she wanted to rid herself of the water. She held back a sob, trying to keep going.

Good with me :)

Pearl sat with her and listened intently, a look of sympathy on her face as she saw how this was all getting progressively harder to share. She gladly let Ambrosia lean against her, if she could do the smallest thing to help she would without a second thought. 

She heard the story of what she understood to be the other's rape, which explained Brandy. However, it was getting more difficult for the girl to talk. Pearl nudged her in assurance, letting her know it was okay to keep going and to get it all out. The woman would feel increasingly better once she had.

Pearls nudge helped a bit, among her own thoughts and pause. After a minute or so, she continued with her agonizing tale.
   "I howled, screamed, pitched a fit, but that only made the protectors and my family rush to me.... Effectively humiliating myself. Once he was off, I took off like a bat out of hell." 
She looked down at her heavily scared paws with a sigh.
            "My way if expressing anger or anxiety had always been attacking trees. I earned these that day, and I stayed out if camp for a solid week.... Till I realized I was pregnant. I went back and tried adjusting to the idea, but it never got easier. I gave birth fairly easy, even so young, b-but.... I.... I saw one that was the spitting image of Midnight and blacked out. When I came to, four were dead. Mauled by their own MOTHER." 
[size=x-large]Her voice cracked, anger and bitterness flooding out but was clearly towards herself. [/size]
[size=x-large]           "Sweet little Brandy was the only one lying there, my class scored across her eye in the scars you see today. Her own mother.... Even my pack would've found it hard, the daughter of an insane rapist running around. Wouldn't have mattered that her mother was the alphas pup, future lead protector.... They could barely look at my pregnant belly, talk about it, let Alone accept her.... So I left, the very night I gave birth. Took her to a cave outside the territory for rest. Left as soon as I woke up. I had to stop, frequently, until she was old enough to handle the travel, but I never stopped moving. I trained her to fight almost as well as me, but she was always a gifted hunter. So much like me, in every other way though. It was the best decision I could have made for her, but it also was the decision that put the most on my shoulders."[/size]

Pearl listened with concern, but not judgement - everywolf had their own demons that they dealt with in different ways. After all, she was there to help and be a friend. She patiently waited until the woman concluded her tale, being slightly put off by the fact Ambrosia had mauled her pups, but what else was a lone female with anxiety to do? 

She didn't talk for a bit, pondering her response, trying to think of one that would not set off the female, but help. "Well, I agree that what do did to protect Brandy was the right choice," she started, choosing her words deliberately, "but what you did was in the past, and you can't change that. What you can change is what you do now. You have plenty of wolves here that would gladly call you family and care for you, a luxury some don't have. You're safe here." Pearl gently covered Ambrosia's paw with her own.

The tawny female didnt look so sure, but sighed and shook her head. Shed chosen her daughter over everything she loved, and knew it was the right choice, but the guilt of her past would forever haunt her. When the white female spoke of family, however, Ambrosia couldn't help but look over in surprise. 
            "Family? I'm not sure anyone here considers me FAMILY outside Brandy.... Packmates, of course. But I've made few friends, and its getting harder to socialize. My little girl is all grown up and out of the nest, and I've been on my own so long...."

She didn't mind Pearls touch, but didn't return it either. She appreciated the effort the other female was putting into helping her/

Pearl looked over at her in confusion. "Being in a pack is nearly equivalent to family, especially one like this. You still are making an effort to socialize, and we would all gladly help you. I mean, I don't know about the new guys," she said, casting a joking glance back to the sleeping pile, "But you are still wanted here, and you are part of this pack." She was making some pretty bold statements, but ones that she probably needed to hear a long time ago.  

Broken Antler Fen saw her as family? Well..... Okay. It was far from what shed expected, but a calm feeling of protection washed over her, one Brandy had experiened at the border. Home. More so than something she'd accepted, but now something that she could really feel. She WAS home. She looked over to Pearl, meeting eyes, and seemed to search for something. Sincerity? Apparently she was satisfied, and smiled.
       "Thank you Pearl. I suppose Ive just lost myself.... But you're right. I'm home and I'm with family. Ill find my balance again.... Somewhere."

Last from me! Thanks for the thread <3

Pearl smiled in turn, grateful for being able to make Ambrosia feel at peace in the pack. "No problem at all, I'm sure you will find it." she said, leaning against the female in an almost tired sort of fashion. 

She looked up at the sky, the vast infinity revealing her exhaustion at last. Yawning, she looked at Ambrosia. "Would you like to head back to the Cove now?" she asked, sleep falling heavily on her eyelids. She was glad to help, but it was very late and she was still very damp. The Cove and its heated protection sounded very comfortable right about now.