The Sunspire so how do we win?

it was never hard to find her dark boy.  most of the time he was at the borders, patrolling.  she had taken to it pretty often as well, given all of the drama that had found its way to sunspire.  she couldn't remember that northstar had ever had these issues.

the wound across her face would inevitably scar.  she knew as soon as she had broken from the fight and looked at her reflection.  she hadn't wanted anyone to see her while it was still so fresh and nasty, but solitude was doing her no favors.

she set herself upon the borders, hoping to find @Terance.  her last encounter with @Goldy had been interesting enough to leave her shaken and confused; maybe she could do with some clarification.

as usual, seabreeze materialized out of what felt like thin air and was suddenly joining him along his patrol. though, while she was with him it felt less like border duty and more like an easy stroll. but no, he was working, most definitely. his lips widened into a broad smile, and a few sweeps of his tail accompanied him as he slowed his pace, letting out a light bark to catch her attention-- though she surely already saw him by now.

"hey, ocean eyes," he greeted, green eyes squinting playfully, "i'm not ever gonna be able to keep you away from the borders, am i?" terance viewed her curiously, taking not even a moment of his time to study the wound that crashed down upon her face. he noticed it, maybe, but it changed absolutely nothing about the way he saw her. and it was healing, mostly, so it was no longer concerning to him. instead, his gaze lingered on her waist-- nose twitching. 

"how are you feeling?" he asked, attention turning back to her own gaze.

oh, there he was, exactly where she had expected him to be.  she kind of loved that he was so predictable; wild goose chases were kind of not her thing.  her tail wagged at her hocks, and she yipped back at him before she caught up, moving at his pace along the border.

bashfully, she dipped her head at his greeting.  had it been anyone else she would have felt chastised, but this was her best friend.  i came here for you, she threw back, playfully rolling her eyes at him.  but weeeee are doing well!  

it felt kind of weird to refer to herself as a unit now, but she had supposed with the onset of morning sickness and the increase in appetite that forrest's assumption had been correct.  how have you been?  so many weird things have been happening.  redshank, and then that thing out there in the woods.. those boys from tindome.

she rolled her shoulders.  there is no way delight would have been cool with that.

bless his heart. terance almost peed himself. "so it's for real??" his tail swung back and forth, and he couldn't help but stop midwalk to press her nose to her cheek, his whole body wiggling along with his tail. "that's-- that's just so cool, seabreeze, cool's not even the word-- i just don't have a better word," he said as he pulled back to look at her, a wide smile still pasted onto his own scarred features. 

but she asked about him... so he tried to move on.

"i'm not bad," he said with a shrug, forcing himself to continue to move forward in the patrol. and then, with a smirk, he added, "better now." and he was. but he still worried for seabreeze, who kept getting herself into messes even though she was not skilled enough to handle herself in battle. not consistently. "i don't blame delight-- rannoch and i need to have a talk with him though..." he replied, brows furrowing. the words of the misformed pup resonated with him. there was no way delight had truly said that, had he?

 

cool, she breathed, holding back a friendly laugh.  but really, did anyone have any words to describe how wonderful their little family would be?  just wait until the hormones start kickin' in there, terry boy, you'll be in for a real treat.  

i think so, i think we're a we.  smooth.  may i come?  for trade purposes?  i also think since i lived with them so long that i could help.  there is no way delight said that, i mean, have you looked at delight?  like, ever?

had the situation been any different, terance would've screamed no to her. stay in the territory! god damn it! stop hurting yourself! but, as a diplomat, he realized it might be helpful to have seabreeze with them. so he hesitated, but ultimately nodded. "we'll double check with ran but, i think that's a good idea," he replied, giving her a soft chuckle at her comment. he remembered how awkwardly he held himself during their first interaction. terance rather liked the guy, he seemed good natured-- something about the whole situation just... didn't add up. but terance was gonna move on. 

"what have you been up to?" he asked, trying to move away from the heavier topic. if she asked him, his answer would be the same. patrolling. etc. it was all he did.

i promise, it'll be okay.  just let me know.  she thought that even if delight like, somehow wanted to hurt her that he would be physically incapable.  she worried often about their defenses, as well.  there was no way that little idiot had anything to do with delight.  and he wouldn't want to ruin his alliance with sunspire.

well, there's something else i wanted to ask you. lmao, here we go.  so someone asked me like, if i was with anyone.  and kind of like with how i let you tell wraen before we told anyone else, i.. had like, no clue what to tell him.  so what do you want me to tell people?  even if they weren't an item, she didn't know if it would hurt terance if she said they weren't.  or if she had screwed up and said they were.

because lowkey, it would totally kind of hurt her if he suddenly became interested in someone else.  but it also wasn't her place, yknow?

terance talked to wraen but the threads not over yet so... vague.

he studied her carefully for a moment before his stoic expression broke-- a soft smile cracked it. "i trust you," he said gently, though he would still worry. as much as he cared for seabreeze, she had double(or maybe even more?!) of the emotional baggage-- his children. their children. woof, so much to worry over.

and then the conversation shifted. terance found himself... oh no? what was that? whatever he was feeling was oddly similar to the time that dirge had joined him and lyra on a patrol. his pace slowed. and even though seabreeze had asked him something, his first response was not an answer, but rather a question. "who?" came his response, his ears angling towards her. and then, realizing she had actually asked him a question, he hesitated again. 

"i told wraen the other night... so you can tell whoever," he started, just clearing that up. but terance was suddenly at a weird emotional crossroads. on one hand. he was entirely positive that this wasn't that. it was just a friend thing that got outta hand one night and was now back to a friend thing. he had lyra issues that needed to be solved-- this just... wasn't the time. but on the other hand? wow he really hated the idea of any other dicks near this girl. since when? he... hadn't even realized. what did that mean? how did he get that across to her? "what.. do you... want to tell people?" he asked, more hesitation clear in his voice.

like, all of the alarm bells that could possibly have  been ringing in her anxiety-ridden head were going off full-blast.  red alert, red alert, red alert.  you done fucked up, girl.

she froze.  she didn't like that this had been turned back on her and her feelings, mostly because she had expected terance to have an answer.  thus far, he'd had one for everything.  so she was taken aback, because ha-ha, what was she feeling?  there's nobody i wanted to tell.  forrest was the one who... figured it out.  she's why i know.  that i'm.  you know.  her discomfort was obvious; she could feel the heat rising in her cheeks and one paw worked at the snow beneath her absently.  but i just didn't know what to say when i was asked.  it was that new guy, goldy.  he reminds me of mato and i hate it, but i was trying to be nice and i didn't know what you wanted so i just told him.. nothing.  nobody.

but now, suddenly, she thought that maybe it was wrong.  we both said we weren't ready.  but i don't know all of the guidelines that come with it, ter.

"well, i hate him," terance let out accidentally-- sort of impulsively. he paused, ears flicking to the side, eyeing her cautiously. "that's not true, i haven't met him... sorry," he correctly himself, ears pricking back up. she told him nothing-- oof. he kind of hated that. truthfully, this scenario had never even registered with terance. he assumed he'd be fine with it, since they'd both agreed upon poor timing and some good ol' platonic kid raising but... boy, terance had never been so not okay with something in his whole life. 

"me either," he said with her, brow knitting together as he looked away from her to process something. after a few moments of silence on his own part, terance put his attention back on her. "but... i kind of hate hearing about you with someone else," he admitted kind of sheepishly, and then pursed his lips, "and i dunno what that means."

he blurted out that he hated goldy and well, she really didn't know what to think.  to be fair, she really didn't know what to make of the strange way that the newcomer carried himself, either.  her slim jaws parted gently, but before she could say anything potentially embarrassing or offensive terance was backtracking.

its okay, was all she could think to say.  

and then came the part of the conversaion that she anticipated and dreaded.  maybe she should have been rehearsing something to say.. but she didn't think that it would come so soon.  we don't have to date.  or be together, if we're not ready.  but we can set some um, ground rules, for lack of better term.. if you want.

in a shoddy effort to lighten the mood, she grinned hesitantly.  and the first one will be that if i crave the company of the other sex, i'll come find you.  she followed it with a wink, hoping that it would help dissolve some of the tension.

terance wasn't sure if it was fair to hop into something when he was so obviously still so in love with lyra. in love? maybe. obsessed? maybe? something. he was wrapped up with the thought of lyra still and it just didn't feel fair to seabreeze to move on when he was stuck where he was. but hearing her say all that kind of deflated him. which sucked, because terance didn't even know he felt this way.

"ah, is that all i am to you? just a good time?" he returned playfully, but the chirp in his voice wasn't so bright. he was struggling, and though seabreeze's effort to lighten up the mood helped... he just wasn't sure what he was feeling. "i don't wanna... not be with you, though," he said finally, trying to piece together more thoughts, "i don't know where we both stand on the 'ready' spectrum but... i dunno, not together doesn't feel right to me." he looked elsewhere to avoid her gaze. he didn't want to hear her answer. it'd probably be just like lyra's answer. he couldn't believe he'd even just said what he'd said.

oh no.  oh no.  he had that tone where he was trying to humor her but it was obvious that he was hurt somehow, and she assumed that it had been what she said.  no, that's — terance, but she didn't know how to follow it up.  being playful had always worked with him before.. but maybe this was much more serious than she had assumed.

no, she asserted, you're so much more.  she felt that nasty shame that worked its way into her teeth, and she couldn't meet his gaze that wasn't seeking to find her anyway.  she was quiet for a long time before she finally said, i just didn't want to push you.

she cleared her throat, moving to brush against the length of his fur.  i know we are both still caught up.. elsewhere.  and i know i can be, well, overbearing..  she laughed a humorless laugh, biting the inside of her cheek.  i just don't want to force anything.  she had promised him that much at least.. but now she wasn't sure what either of them wanted.  but not together doesn't feel quite right to me, either.

she all at once seemed flustered, and terance realized he'd come across not as playful but as offended-- which he wasn't. quickly, he leaned forward to tap the bottom of her chin with his nose. "hey, hey," he said softly, "i'm kidding, don't worry." a small smile crept onto his face. he hoped that clarified-- because he wasn't actually upset about that... just, the rest of it. and was upset the word? god, he didn't know.

"you're my favorite kind of overbearing," terance replied with a light bump to her shoulder. he meant that in a way that meant... well, he didn't think she was overbearing, but he didn't have the ability to convince her otherwise, so he merely tried to let her know that he didn't mind. not in the slightest. to her next comment... he took in a small breath. "i guess we'll see...?" he offered quietly, brows furrowing again, ears falling just a hair. he didn't want to force anything either but... well, this was just a lot of conflicting emotions that he didn't know how to put together.

well, that cleared up just about nothing, but she would take it anyway despite wanting to ask him what the hell that meant.  it was not the disney-esque grandeur that she had half-expected, but she could not force herself to be surprised.. or even disappointed.

that left them as more-than-friends-but-not-quite-together-but-not-not-together.  which was.. a mess.  maybe she could just conveniently avoid any talk of their relationship until they were both ready, or whatever.  thank you, terance.  i guess we'll see, she echoed.  
maybe they both needed time to think.  if he had nothing else to say, she'd nuzzle his cheek before heading off bakck to solitude.

oh no. she didn't seem... settled. and terance didn't feel settled. he wanted to be like 'no i just mean lets like start slow and see what happens' but he was too big a pansy to do so now. not after she seemed so clearly done with this conversation.

god, alya was right. he was such a wimp. such a loser. he just stared at her as she left, letting out a soft bark to say goodbye-- he couldn't even think of a proper farewell. god he fucking sucked, he was the fucking worst.

he wasn't in the mood to patrol, not anymore, but he didn't know what else to do. so with head low, terance watched seabreeze disappear into the distance before finally continuing on along the territories edge.