The Sentinels tell me we'll be okay

Silence lingered between them for a moment and Charon watched the children — or pretended to, anyway — while he scolded himself for ever bringing it up to Osprey. He didn't really want to talk any more now, because he didn't want to face the pain that was brought forth when he thought of what'd happened that day. But he knew that Osprey was going to make him talk about it even before she started to talk.

He frowned and looked away, pursing his lips briefly, then inhaling and exhaling deeply and slowly before he started to speak. "Amekaze got... Someone hurt her." His frown deepened as he looked at his own paws, something he didn't do very often; he probably looked very uncharacteristically off guard and awkward. "She uh... There was this dude in the pack who was apparently obsessed with her, and she never told me a thing 'til he —" His voice croaked as he tried to explain and he bit his lip, not sure he could utter the words out loud, not even when paired to a statement that declared it wasn't his fault at all. He just couldn't.

"Oh, my," Osprey sighed and regarded her friend sympathetically. For some reason Charon's life had never been easy or smooths - bumps, rocks, deep crevices and all kind of troubles along the way. Had Godmother Fortune tiptoed around his cradle and forgotten to give him his share of good luck?

Lucky for her young friend, he did not have to elaborate on the subject - from those strands of information that he was able to speak out loud she was able to braid the story of, what had happened. "How is she?" she asked. "And how are you?" besides the fact that you don't look great at all.

He was glad that she seemed to understand right away, or at least that she didn't ask for an elaboration. After every rock thrown in his direction he had bounced back twice as good so far, but how would he bounce back from this? For the first time ever, Charon felt like he wasn't so sure. Especially after he'd seen what it had done to Dhole to be taken like that. She had ended up distancing herself and then she'd run away. He was scared as fuck that the same would happen to Amekaze.

"I don't know," Charon admitted frankly, mostly in regards to the last question. "I've been out looking for the one who did it, if he's even still alive, but I just... I don't know what to think. This guy disrespected Flóki before," never mind the time he'd done the same to Charon, "And we should've just thrown him out right then. It was almost like she... As if Ame liked the attention, or whatever, and didn't realise how sick the guy was until it was too late. And now I just — whenever I look at her, I see him, and I don't know how to fix that except maybe with time. And what if the pups are born and they've got his face?" He didn't want to be reminded of what had happened forever, knowing he was raising some other asshole's kids.

"That's a pickle," Osprey said, after Charon had finished explaining the situation to her. she could well imagine, how horrible her friend felt, and she could guess, what the deal with Amekaze could be, though she did not know the woman well. Perhaps, there was more to the main story and, perhaps, it was better not to know. 

"Whatever you decide," she started to talk after a long pause, "try not to blame the children." This was easier said than done, of course. "Do you know the concept of "holy fool"?"

'A pickle' was too light a wording in Charon's eyes — it was worse than that, and he didn't know what to do with it. He supposed all he could do was let time flow and hope that the wounds inflicted would get better just like the wounds on his face had closed and like wounds in the past had closed. He clenched his jaw -- though not consciously so -- when she mentioned not blaming the children, wishing that they would not have to bear the wounds of what had happened in some way or another, but knowing it to be so.

"I won't," he said, though he knew that this was a promise he could not possibly make. He just didn't want Osprey to think he was an ass. As for holy fools, he shook his head, waiting for her explanation.

"Do give a try," Osprey replied - she knew Charon far too well and far too long to understand that this kind of promise was easier to make than actually carry out. 

"A "holy fool" describes a person, who might be a fool in other people's eyes, but he is right in the eyes of God," she explained. "Those kids will be born and in time you might see the one or ones that are different.

Maybe not, but let's say you do. You can act as any leader, who wants to preserve it's bloodline, would - kill them, banish them, treat them as inferiors. 

Or... you can be the wiser man and see ahead. Treat them as your own, raise them to be better people than their creator and it will pay off in the bigger scheme of things."

She fell silent somehow feeling that Charon being the stubborn person he was, would not take the advice. Or regard it as foolish. Therefore she thought she should make another point:

"If you doubt my words - and I know you will - think about the time, when you were orphaned and Ragnar took you in. Having children of his own to take care of, he also had a choice then. He could have killed you and thus freed himself from the duty of feeding another hungry mouth. Especially, since you were not related to him in any way. Yet he made the choice of treating him as his own son and look, how far that has led you.

Therefore, if you think that the first tale is too sugary for your taste, think, what your life would have been, should Ragnar had decided differently. Would you want to be in a different place?"

Charon didn't really see how the words in regards of the holy fool matched in any way with the ones that came after. He didn't really think he'd be able to kill his children even if he'd come to see they weren't really his; they would be months old by then, and they would be his regardless by that time. It'd be stupid to kill pups that you had spent months of resources on raising just as they were beginning to become useful, no matter whose they were. And it wasn't like others would know, except maybe Flóki or Dash, if they'd even see at all. Charon was white too, so even if pale pups would be there, would anyone really ever see whose they were?

He felt a bit bitter at the story of his own youth because it made him feel belittled and told off, as though he had already been making murderous plans in his mind when he had in fact not known what he'd do -- or could do, really -- about it. "I didn't say I was going to kill them," he said with a frown. "It'd be stupid to raise them for months and then kill them when they start becoming moderately useful." but the truth was more complicated, of course, less black and white and logical and more emotional. They would be Amekaze's too and probably, he'd still love them because they'd be his, too, regardless of their supposed origins. "But thanks for reminding me of my shitty youth and dead parents." He hadn't meant to snap at her with his bitter words, and looked away instantly as he did so in a physical reflex of shame. He didn't want to be reminded of shitty things, he'd rather think of all the good things he had going.

"You could have said it in a more straightforward way - I was an insensitive jerk," Osprey chuckled, trying to lighten up the situation. Why was it always so that, whenever she tried to be the good old wise person, she either chose the wrong words, or yanked the wrong chains or... people misinterpreted, what she said. Maybe it was a high time, when she just gave up giving advice and just tell "the next person to bugger off and live their own life"? Looking at Charon, who was now sulking next to her, she decided that it might the wisest decision of them all. 

"Forget, what I said then, or just take, whatever part of the "holy fool", that you can live with," she sighed and looked in the distance at the two kids that were still busy chasing the frog. "I have something to tell you - that no one yet knows - but, before I do, please, promise that you won't get angry and won't run away from me," she looked at her friend fondly, quietly asking for him to listen and understand the gravity of the matter.

Charon really hadn't meant to get angry at her, but somehow it had happened and that was how things were now. She somewhat retracted her words, and said he could take from them whatever parts he did like — typically Osprey, he felt. It lightened his mood at least somewhat, for it wasn't like he really was feeling upset about his dead parents; he'd barely known them.

Then she revealed she wanted to tell him something that might make him upset, and he wasn't so sure he wanted to hear it. He pursed his lips and looked thoughtful for a short moment before he said, "Okay, I promise." For what his words were worth, anyway, he'd promise — he wanted to know what secrets she was going to reveal too badly now, anyway, to walk away from this conversation.

Osprey did not look Charon in the eyes, when she began to speak, feeling that despite the promise given, he would still be very upset with her. And yet... if this was the last time they met, then they should end things properly. With farewells and "I will always remember you"s. 

"I have not been well for few months now and as the winter draws nearer - I fear that it might be my last," she said. "We - Dante and I - have talked about this and decided that perhaps it would be better, if we moved South, where the winter would be milder."

She didn't add the fact that the move might not help her at all. That she would be buying just a little more time. No one - aside from her mate - had to know this. It was better to have them think that she was having a happy ending somewhere, rather than slowly succumb to the disease. 

"So... if this is the last time we meet, I want you to know that I have always loved you and love you still."

Charon hadn't thought Osprey'd start talking about herself like that. Especially about something as weird as it was. She said that she thought she might die this winter; an absurd thought to Charon. Osprey was young — she'd had pups, she loved adventures, she was in the peak of her life. He looked at her incredulously and said: "Don't be silly! You're not gonna die!" He'd promised not to be mad, and so he made sure to keep any anger from his voice. He wasn't angry, he just thought she was being crazy and exaggerating about all of this.

It was a stupid thought to think of Osprey moving away from this area. "If you aren't well, you shouldn't be travelling," Charon countered. It seemed silly to travel away from this place because you were unwell and then having to travel a long time to get to your destination. "And what about the pups?" There were many arguments to be made and he had yet more behind the castle walls of his point-in-case... But somehow, he doubted that it'd make a difference. Hell if he didn't at least try, though.

"And staying here, doesn't mean I won't die either," Osprey had answer already. "By the time they will be four months old and perfectly capable of traveling short distances at a time. Besides we are working hard to teach them hunting and survival skills from the early on. They will be fine," she spoke with confidence, yet there was a hint of worry in her voice. Of course, she had thought about it too. Every day, since the decision had been made. 

"It is hard for you to understand, even harder for me to explain, because it doesn't sound very reasonable, but this is something I feel I have to do," she said. "I know that I would regret, if I did not try at least."

Osprey's ideas were absurd to Charon's ears, because he couldn't imagine that travelling really far would make her feel much better if she already wasn't well. "You could come live with us," he said, not really as a could but more as a should, resolute with a soft undertone, "And we'd take care of you. Make sure you'll be well, and warm, and fed — you're not going to die, Osprey..." It was an absurd thought that she thought she might... And yet she seemed so determined. Her determination infuriated him, but he'd promised not to be angry.

A dark frown fell over his face because he was torn between telling her to shove it and leave her be and drag her down to Moonspear against her will to keep her there forever. But what good would any of it do? She didn't look like she hadn't thought this through, she didn't look like she could be convinced otherwise by a temper tantrum or anything like it. And just like that his anger fell away only to make place for a sadness almost as if his friend had already died, and he cast his midnight blue eyes sadly to the ground as he heaved a painful sigh.

"You are very kind, Charon," Osprey said fondly and that part of her nature, who wanted to please, wished she could follow this path. Just to make Charon happy. He had lost so many family members and friends over his short life, that it felt truly unfair have him lose another one. 

"But I have a family with me and... I have been part of packs for so long that I selfishly wish a little something that is my own," where I could make my decisions, where I would not have to share Dante's time with so many others, where I did not have to adapt to so many changes in such a brief time... She kept this to herself though. 

"Yet I have a favor to ask from you. At some point in their lives one or all of my children might choose to leave and forge their own paths. And... should they ever stand on your doorstep, asking for help or an acceptance... if it is possible, I would appreciate if you helped them. You after all are a great person and they could learn a lot from you," she did not demand - feeling that in this situation she hardly had any right to ask something from Charon - yet she wanted to make sure that her children would have friends out in the world.

Absently he stared ahead as she talked, giving more reasons of why she had to leave. He found it hard to understand, to grasp, having gone from anger to denial to sadness. Would acceptance be right around the corner, then?

Her request greatly surprised him, especially considering the distance that had been between them for so long. And even beside that, he didn't think that he would ever deny any of Osprey's children would they come to his borders. Even if she had not requested it, they would be welcome to his home. "Of course, of course," he mumbled absent-mindedly while he tried to think of more reasons that she should stay — but he found none.

Leaning gingerly into the fur along her neck he sighed, closing his eyes briefly, "I'll miss you."

ooc: I think it is a good place to finish. 

"Thank you - this means a lot to me," Osprey smiled at him sincerely. She felt better knowing that her kids would have a good start in their first steps as an independent adults and hoped, perhaps, should they decide to stay either in Donnelaith, Caldera or Moonspear, it would make up for her leaving. 

"I will miss you too," she brushed her muzzle lightly against her friend's temple. "I won't ever forget you." Weeks later, when she would be on her way, with heart heavy for the grief of people left behind, she would wish it was easier to take them with her than just memories.

"Let's see, what kids are up to, shall we?" she brushed tears away from her eye with the help of her paw and then got to her feet. From the noise in the distance it was hard to tell, who had got whom - the frog the cubs or the cubs had forgotten their task and engaged in a fight themselves.

It was weird, and stupid, and silly, to say good bye to a friend who was still here, but who was going to leave. He wished he could stop it, but knew he was powerless. He just nodded with a "hmm-m" when she suggested they should check on the kids and followed, feeling numb, to see if the children had yet caught the frog.

i will miss osprey, too! <3