Blacktail Deer Plateau The road outside my house is paved with good intentions

@Liri I hope this okay! I had already planned this injury arc before all the drama ensued! Current time.

The pain woke him from his worried sleep, and his first thought was that his bad dream was preferable to the wrenching headache that now shot through his skull. Out of habit, the first thing he did when he woke up was open his eyes, but he regretted it immediately; opening his eyes somehow made the throbbing and clenching so much worse, so he was forced to quickly close them again as a pained whine escaped his lips. 

Liri was sleeping next to him, which he thought was unlucky for her. Since his mess up, neither of them had been sleeping very much, and they could both usually be found wandering the territory late into the night or early in the morning before the sun came up. Tonight, though, she either hadn't woken yet or had just fallen asleep, regardless, she was lying next to him, her breaths coming out in slow rhythmic huffs. 

He tried to focus on the pattern of her breathing as his entire body tensed in response to the agony he was currently enduring. His breaths came out ragged and uneven as he tried to stay silent, fearing any sounds would wake her and force her to pity him. He couldn't bear the thought. She deserved to be angry with him and didn't need any reasons to be conflicted about her feelings. But, it was clearly out of his control at this point as the pain reached its peak, causing his head to fall down on his paws and an anguished grunt to leave his chest. He tried to remind himself that the torture would end soon. He tried his counting and tried to find the sounds of Liri's breathing, but the pain overshadowed everything, and so he lied there suffering and trying to ignore the dark thoughts that maybe this time his headache wouldn't subside and he would be cursed to live in torment forever.

She didn't know what caused her to awaken. Perhaps some instinct alerted her that not all was right within her world.

Her lids lifted suddenly with the alertness of one who has learnt to never sleep too soundly. Dark eyes blinked blindly in the pitch, unable to make out anything but the sound of her mate's labored breaths. A few moments and her eyes had adjusted enough to make out his shadowy silhouette. The fae's speckled brow crumpled with concern, groggy as she reached for him through the dark. 

"Kavik?" she whispered hesitantly, trepidation curling around her heart with an icy grip. Warmth brushed against her muzzle, his thick ruff, and she buried it within his coat - the scent comforting but bittersweet. The healer could smell no injuries yet her pallid ears flickered in time to his harsh resperation as anxiety pooled in her stomach. 

Liri whined ever so softly, not wanting to disturb him if she was mistaken about his pain, but wanting to supply comfort if she wasn't. The last thing she desired was to infringe on the Alpha's peace or annoy him, which was in part the reason she had avoided him so. 

The Tonrar pressed close to the man who had given her the name, her paws alongside Kavik's and her head tipped beneath the hollow of his neck, seeking to comfort him with soft shhing noises.

At some point, he heard her whisper his name, but while in the grip of the worst part of the headaches, he could never speak or do anything but lie there and wait for time to pass. He felt her nose and heard the quiet whine she released into his fur. The warmth of her body against his briefly pierced through the pain, and he realized she was trying to soothe his anguish just as her shh reached his ears. He certainly didn't deserve her or her soothing, but he was grateful for it even if it did nothing to ease the agony. Nothing helped except the passing of time; eventually, it would stop. Unless it didn't--no, it would stop, it always did.

He counted to himself, knowing that with every second, he had to be getting closer to the end. He tried to focus on his mate beside him, and finally, the pain started to lessen. After another minute, it was gone, and he released a sigh of relief. He opened his eyes slowly as nausea struck him. He clumsily got to his feet, feeling his throat tighten and bile rise from his stomach. Kavik barely made it outside their den before his last meal departed from his stomach and fell to the ground at his feet. There was always nausea after the headaches, but he only actually vomited about half the time, and of course now would be one of those times. Once he was sure nothing else was going to come up, he stumbled back into the den.

He avoided Liri's gaze as he walked back over to her side and slumped back down on the ground, feeling exhausted after his episode. I'm sorry, I tried not to wake you, he said quietly. I've...been having headaches since the bear attack. They're less frequent now, though. I...didn't have one at all yesterday, the alpha explained in a strained voice. It was the truth; he went from having two or three a day to now having one roughly every other day, so he took that as a good sign. He was no medic, though. His tired gaze shifted to her face, and his expression turned apologetic. I'm sorry, I should have said something sooner, but I didn't want to worry you. I'll try not to do that anymore--keep things from you, he admitted. It wasn't right to do that to her, and he didn't want to ruin things more than they already were because of his stupid pride and need to protect her from everything. Feeling weak from the episode, he rested his inky head on his paws after he finished speaking, unable to hold it up anymore.

For a time, Kavik was locked tensely in place as Liri tried to comfort him. Her heart thudded with panic against her ribs, terrified of what might be wrong. 

Finally, he relaxed, his verdant eyes opening as he sighed. He scrambled to his paws, stumbling out of their den. Liri half rose to her feet, concerned, but soon heard the sound of him retching. The healer lowered to the ground, grimacing slightly with empathy, knowing he probably wouldn't want her to witness the end of his episode. Liri waited, the seconds lengthening into hours it seemed, until he reappeared. 

Liri watched as he padded to her side, eyes locked on the stone floor. Her ears lowered, pressing to her skull anxiously, as she listened. 

She'd known something was troubling him though she hadn't quite expected this, the image of his body flying through the air causing dread to pool in her stomach like heavy stones. 

"I could have tried to help," she said in a soft murmur, ignoring the part of herself that was miffed that he kept it from her and focusing on her concern for him.

"Is there anything I can do?" She asked, resting her head on her paws as chocolate eyes lifted to his own.

Guilt filled his expression. I know. I was being stupid, was all he could say. He felt bad for keeping it from her. One more thing to add to the list of reasons he wasn't worthy of being with her. She would never lie to him or ask to sleep with someone else. Even now, she was still here at his side despite the obvious flaws in his character. 

He shrugged a little at her next question, I'm not sure, but I'm open to suggestions. You're the expert with things like this, he answered softly, swallowing hard against the remnants of nausea. What do you think would help? he asked next. Anything that might ease the pain or lessen frequency even more would be welcome.

"Don't," she whispered, unable to stop herself from burying her face in the hollow of his shoulder. "Stop beating yourself up," she added, her words meant for more than the issues they were currently discussing. She was tired of fighting, beyond weary of the strange tension that had wedged between them. 

"Could you tell me what your symptoms have been like exactly?" She asked, pulling back to study him - slipping into healer mode.

His eyes closed as she pressed her head against him, and he leaned further into his mate, easily accepting the comfort. What was harder to accept was the permission to stop feeling guilty for his actions; it would be difficult to do that, but he wanted so bad for things between them to be okay again, so he would try.

She eventually pulled back and inquired about his specific symptoms. He thought silently for a few seconds before replying, Um, well, they pretty much come without much warning. If I'm already awake, my vision starts to blur before the headache starts. He took a deep breath, thinking about what else to add and taking in his mate's scent to further comfort his frayed nerves. The pain is...awful, and I can't move or speak while it's happening. The headache usually goes away after a few minutes, a few agonizing minutes that felt more like hours, he thought, Then, afterward, I feel really nauseous and weak...I don't always, um, throw up, but I always feel sick for a little bit. They were happening two or three times a day at first, but they have been getting steadily less frequent. Kavik thought that was everything pertinent. He looked at her after he finished detailing his episodes, wondering what she would say about it.

Liri listened attentively but frustration caused her brow to wrinkle with concern. 

"I've never encountered anything like this. I think that perhaps you injured your head when you were hit by the bear, or more accurately when you hit the ground. If they're going away on their own time then that's a good sign but I would like to give you some herbs for pain, to help mend the injury inside," Liri concluded, her tones soft and soothing. 

The elders had once spoken of head injuries like this, something called...a contusion? No, no. That wasn't it. A confession? No..concussion perhaps? No matter what it was called, Liri had never treated a patient who suffered from one. Still, she would do her best to help Kavik. 

He listened silently to Liri as she spoke and nodded in agreement when she finished. I'll take anything you think will help with the pain. It's... he trailed off, swallowing hard again and dropping his gaze. Why was it so hard to be vulnerable in front of her? Some things were no problem for him, like assuming guilt for his actions and literally begging for her forgiveness. But, for some reason, it was hard to let her see how much the pain got to him. He could tell it hurt his mate when he withheld things from her, and he was done doing that. He lifted his eyes to hers again. It's really bad, he added quietly, currently unable to find anything else to describe the agony of his episodes.

He hid his face against her cheek, drawing in her scent with a deep breath and waiting for her recommendations.

The leader's heart melted at the pain hidden in his dark features, for she desperately wished to absolve her lover of all his pains, hugging him close as he buried his face against her. Liri wished her touch could absorb his pain but her mind was working to come up with the right blend of herbs. 

"We might have to try different variations but I'd like to try willow bark, borage and nettle leaves, and maybe poppy seeds," she was reluctant to treat anything but serious ailments with poppy for it could be rather addictive but if Kavik's pain was intense enough then perhaps it could be of some use.

He listened quietly as she spoke, vines of appreciation and guilt sprouting and intertwining within his chest. He was, as always, incredibly grateful for her presence in his life, but he was also so ashamed of how he had hurt her. The guilt would take a while to stop overshadowing every other emotion he had, even with her permission to let it go; he knew he would have to prove to himself that he was worthy of being with such a kind and forgiving woman. 

Rubbing his nose in the fur on her neck, he quietly said, Thank you. He didn't know how else to express his gratitude. Just tell me what to take and how often, and I'll do it, he added softly against her fur, not wanting to pull his nose from her neck to speak.

"No need to thank me, love," she murmured, freckled muzzle sweeping across his dark back comfortingly. "I'm just glad that I can be of some use," she added, a wry grin twisting her lips against him. 

"We could try giving you small doses once a day? If it's not strong enough, we could then bump it up to two doses a day," she suggested softly. 

"I have some stored in the atrium," the healer whispered, gently untangling herself from him. With a soft brush of her muzzle, she quietly slipped from their den and padded beyond the pool of water. The moon was reflected in the mirror-like oasis, its pale light guiding her to the stone cairns. 

Quiet as a mouse, the leader carefully maneuvered the stones about - withdrawing the herbs she required. The healer was careful to move them into the light and examine them, sniff them, in order to assure herself in the dark that they were the proper plants. 

She returned to the den, her gaze meeting Kavik's briefly as she rested a scrap of willow bark and a small bundle of borage leaves at his feet. 

"You can wait til morning to take it if you'd like," she offered as she stretched out by his side, "but I thought you might like it now to rid yourself of any lingering pains."

He smiled and closed is eyes in response to her soothing affection, but they flicked open when she implied that she didn't feel useful. He furrowed his inky brown in concern at the words, wondering how she could ever feel that way. You're always useful, he said softly against her fur. Guilt settled in his chest as he wondered if she felt that way because of him. Maybe in trying to shield her from his burden he had given her the impression that he didn't need her, but that was the furthest from the truth, and he hoped he could change her mind going forward.

He nodded at her recommendation and his gaze followed her as she uncurled from his side and moved through the darkness and out of their den. The sound of her steps disappeared after a few seconds, and he waited in the deafening silence for her to return. Before too long, he could hear her approach and soon she was placing plants in front of him and returning to his side. He didn't hesitate to pick the herbs up in his mouth and chew them once she finished her directions. The most severe pain had faded with the headache, but he was still left with a dull ache in his skull, and he was eager to find relief. He chewed and swallowed every bit of the plants his mate had placed in front of him, not even caring about the strange taste. 

He moved his nose into her fur gain, closing his eyes and drawing in her scent as he waited for the plants to hopefully provide the relief he so desperately wanted, and after a little while, the pain dulled and he sighed against Liri's soft coat. Thank you. That's much better, he murmured against her neck. Usually, he just endured the left over pain from his episodes; it usually lasted a few hours, but now with his mate's recommendations, he didn't have to suffer, and he was incredibly grateful. He touched his forehead to hers. I hope you know how much I love you, he said. I'm so sorry for causing you pain, he whispered next, afraid reminding her of the incident would harden her to him but feeling he needed to say it.

Dark thoughts twisted in her mind despite his reassurance - flickering memories of Ameta bleeding in the snow, wandering in search of Leto only to lose her sanity in the process, her abandonment of Broken Antler Fen for the mistake of underestimating her own instincts, Kelina's jaws tearing into her and the sound of her leg being rendered worthless, the agonizing hours of holding her infant son close as his life faded before her very eyes with the knowledge that she couldn't save him. 

You have always been useless. 

Dark eyes squinted shut in response, as if she could physically shy away from the hurt. She burrowed against Kavik, wanting desperately to believe his words; if only it were that easy. 

She collected herself as she pulled away, watching with concerned eyes as he ate the medicinal herbs. Her face smoothed with relief as he hugged her close, thanking the spirits she could relieve his pain. 

"I'll keep some in the den until you're healed, it would be best to take the next dose tomorrow evening," she answered, her subtle way of telling him that gratitude was unnecessary as she leaned against his side. She relished the warmth of him, the strength resting beneath his coat. 

A lump rose in her throat at his tender words, her eyes closing again wearily. 

Please don't, she wanted to urge but her voice could not escape around the tight close of her throat, I can't think of it any more. 

An image that had haunted her since their ordeal flashed through her mind, as if seared into her closed eyelids.

An image of Kavik atop Grezig. 

Bile rose in her throat and she curled further into him, as if their close proximity could soothe her distress. 

"I love you," she whispered after a moment, reaching up to plant light kisses along his neck. 

"I want to forget," she murmured against him, pressing her crown to his dark shoulder as her eyes slipped shut. "Please help me forget," she pleaded, returning to her affectionate administrations in the hopes of urging him into touching her. 

Liri had to get it out of her head, this image of her husband with another woman, it would eat her alive otherwise. A soft whine slipped from her throat. 

I need you.

He nodded. Okay, I will. He was glad the herbs would be here where it would be easy for him to remember and glad to have such knowledgeable mate. 


After his proclamation and apology, Liri said nothing for a few long, painful seconds but didn't move away, which gave him some hope. 

I love you

A soft sigh escaped his lips, and he closed his eyes, her soft kisses heating his skin through his fur. Her next words forced his eyes open, concern filling his expression as she pressed her head to his shoulder. It killed him to know that he was the reason for the hurt in her voice when she spoke those words--the reason she had something she wanted to forget in the first place. And when he thought he couldn't feel any worse, she begged him to make her forget. He couldn't be sure what exactly what she wanted to forget, but he had a pretty good idea. Kavik's eyes closed again as she resumed her light kisses on his neck. 

The whine that reached his ears finally spurred him into action, and he placed a gentle paw on her back as he trailed tender kisses and light nips along her jaw and down her neck. You're beautiful, he whispered against her soft, snowy coat between kisses, and I don't want anyone but you, he murmured as he began to make his way back up her neck. He so badly wanted to squash any insecurities she had about herself and his feelings for her, and part of him knew it would mostly take time, but tonight, that wouldn't stop him from making her feel like the gorgeous goddess he thought her to be. 

He released a harsh breath against the other side of her jaw where he was now delivering gentle kisses, his need squeezing his insides as her scent filled his nostrils, pushing him to grab the back of her neck and take her right then, but he restrained himself; he wanted to go slow and show her how much he loved her and her body despite whatever negative thoughts she had.

He's still as stone against her and for a moment, Liri fears he won't respond. When at last, the weight of his paw rests on her spine and his gentle nips tickle the skin along her neck, relief floods through her. 

Her head tips back, his words stirring something in her heart. In that moment, it's hard not to believe Kavik. She finds it so hard to believe that he could want her of all people but Kavik is the best person she's ever known. He had never once looked upon her with anything close to derision or even resembling pity. He loved her regardless of her deformities. 

It would just take time for her to do the same. 

His touch kindled a warmth spreading through her, slowly much like a campfire. It swirled through her form as it burned, urging her to dip her head beneath his and seek the underside of his throat. She kissed along the dark swathe of fur, urging him on. 

She wanted the fire to grow, to burn into an inferno - strong enough to incinerate the image haunting her.

She gave no response to his words of adoration, but he didn't offer them expecting anything. He simply wanted to give her a peak inside his mind and make her aware of how he saw her. Hopefully, if he told her enough, she would begin to believe it. It was a certainly no chore to shower her with compliments until she saw herself clearly. 

He continued his trail of kisses along her jaw, drawing in her intoxicating scent until his need was so intense, it was painful. Still, he resisted, wanting to continue his decent down her soft, snowy neck. 

His need only deepened the longer she lay acquiescent beneath him, and when she delivered soft kisses to his throat, he required no further urging; he moved on top of her and finally succumbing to the demand of his body, he connected them. His pace was tender but desperate as he sought to drive any remaining dark thoughts from her mind and replace them with only him and his love for her.

Finally, finally he comes to her and his touch sears away the dark fear printed into her eyelids. 

-

When it's over, she curls into him - tired but content. She tucks her head against his dark chest, his soft fur a pillow under her cranium, listening to the steady thump of his heartbeat. 

Her freckled muzzle brushed through Kavik's coat as she rolled onto her back, grooming him affectionately as the fae released a happy sigh.

"Asavakkit," she murmured, dark eyes seeking his own.

After, she cuddled into his chest, and he delivered soft, lazy kisses to her head, his breathing eventually slowing and evening out. When she rolled over and began grooming him, he smiled and leaned into the affection, enjoying the way it felt against his fur. Kavik buried his nose in her snowy coat and inhaled deeply, drawing her scent inside him and taking pleasure in the fact that he picked up his own scent intertwined with hers; he never grew tired of that. The alpha pulled his head back and opened his eyes just as she uttered the unfamiliar word. His questioning gaze met hers, and he smiled. What does that mean? he asked softly. It was rare that he heard the language from her, and he was intrigued by the word.

It was not often she spoke in the northern tongue, for that part of her past had long been left behind, yet there was something beautiful to the way the tribe expressed sentiment. 

"I love you," she translated softly, her eyes averted shyly. She'd said it to him on occasion but of course, the healer didn't expect him to remember the words of a foreign tongue she rarely spoke. 

Were she human, she might have taken to combing her fingers through his fur. As it was, she had only her muzzle to brush against him with love that bordered on reverence. 

"I always will," she whispered, dark eyes finding him with the promise. "Uanga atayomik angertok," she repeated again, this time in the northern tongue, curling against him drowsily.

She translated the phrase, and Kavik smiled tenderly at her. I love you, too, more than anything or anyone he replied softly, leaning into her loving affection. When she spoke again, she translated her statement into the foreign language once more. I will always love you, and I will never give you reason to doubt that ever again, the alpha promised, his tone filled with conviction. His earnest gaze met hers, hoping to reiterate his promise. 

When she curled into him, he entwined himself around her protectively and possessively, resting his head on her back. He drew in a large breath, wanting to fill himself with her scent once more. He released the breath slowly, his eyes drifting closed as he reveled in the feeling of his mate against him, thoughts of what they had just shared physically and emotionally floating through his mind as he fell asleep.

She could only stare up at him, adoration in her dark gaze as his loving words reached her ears. Her gaze softened as he vowed to never give her reason to doubt his love again. It was getting easier to believe. 

"I know," she whispered, burying her face against his coat in a hug. 

Feeling safe and protected from anything that would cause her harm - including herself - she allowed herself to drift peacefully to sleep in her mate's embrace.