Sunbeam Lair You are wired for struggle

Perhaps @Mahler? Otherwise its an all welcome!

"Why do you keep Tryin'?"



The kid's voice had haunted her thoughts for a long while. It had been why she had taken to leaving the borders, it had been why she hadn't returned for a few days before taking the "edible" from that stranger. She absolutely had no intention on staying away forever, Diaspora was her home and she made a vow of loyalty to Stigmata that she intended to keep or die trying but...


"I won't hunt for you and nobody else should" 


What if he had been right? She had still been unable to hunt properly back then, Stigmata had ended the life of the first gopher she had tried to take down. It hadn't mattered that she had taken down another one herself, it wasn't enough for a pack so full of pups and mouths to feed. Diaspora was a place with no room for weakness, she had only meant to stay away for a few days and test her ability to feed herself and survive alone. Then she had been poisoned by that stranger, given a sweet ball of mind altering thought twisting drugs that she had thought to be some sort of traveler's snack. It had caused her to wander far beyond anywhere she had gone before, walking and running herself into exhaustion and causing her to grow lost. She had fought fang and claw to find her way back and the leanness of her muscles and fresh scars and wounds she displayed showed she'd had a rough time of it finding her way back. 


"You should leave" 


She froze outside the opening to the Lair, cringing as the memory crept unwanted into her mind. She shifted and stared in the direction of the lake, yearning to go forward and call for Stigmata and Mahler and plead her case. She swallowed thickly and sat down, taking a few deep breaths as she tried to work through the shame. They would think she was an idiot, she had made too many mistakes in Diaspora after all, how many more could she expect them to forgive?

You know that fleeting moment when you lose your footing, a misstep that happens so quickly that you feel as though you might tumble to the ground? When your heart skips an uncomfortable beat, followed by the spike of adrenaline that hits you so hard that your breaths come short and ragged? A normal wolf might recover speedily from this surge of anxiety, yet Nyx felt it tenfold.

The mere scent of blood on the air was enough to make her flee and, while her intention was never to abandon the wolves who'd allowed her to make her home among them, she knew right at her core that she did not have the strength to face their sorrow. She pressed on from Diaspora territory and in no particular direction, fleet of foot and feeling oddly weightless as rugged paws carried her across the terrain for a while until the flight hormone ran dry.

When at last she crashed, Nyx couldn't rid the copper odour from her nostrils. Each inhale brought a new trigger, and the paranoia had her believing that the blood might be clinging to her pelage despite having refused to be close to Stigmata's corpse. She rolled around in the dirt as soon as the thought occurred, attempting to mask this smell so engrained in her memory, until her dense fur stood out in all directions. The earth would cover it, surely?

Gathering to shaky feet, the she-wolf huffed a breath and made to continue her venture away from the lake - until her toxic gaze settled on the figure of an unfamiliar female. She stared at her, a new discomfort visible in the anxious sweep of her peppered tail, as she waited to see whether it not the stranger would try to engage.

The deep breathing had only managed to get her heartrate to slow back down but the sickening waves of what felt like fear kept attempting to get it going again and she groaned, standing and pacing back and forth battling her thoughts until she heard the approaching pawsteps and turned to see an unfamiliar female with a messy coat like she had been rolling around. She inched closer and sniffed tentatively, an old habit of trying to know every face that stepped into the mountains. She caught a faint trace of familiar smells and her ears perked as she tried to sniff again, only to find nothing but the stench of earth. "You look freaked out, I'm not going to hurt you" she stated bluntly her fire hued gaze trailing over her mussed fur. Was she hiding from someone? "I am looking for a pack. Diaspora. Are they still around?" she asked her gaze clouding with worry. Then it faded and she almost said nevermind, she was sure the mighty mountain pack had not fallen. Not with Stigmata and Mahler at the helm, they would ensure the survival of Diaspora till their end she was sure. 

Wild yellow eyes widened as the stranger made to inch closer, and she took a hurried step backward before steeling herself. A raven-tipped lobe cupped forward at the assurance that she held no intention of harming her, though her suspicion meant that her gaze remained firmly fixed ahead. Muscles tensed and very much ready to bolt or bite if need be, Nyx simply followed every careful little movement that this unfamiliar wolf made toward her.

An unexpected mention of Diaspora caught her by surprise, and she blinked stupidly as she grit her teeth in silent frustration. Fuck, was there no escaping the reminders of the hell she'd witnessed? "They are. I've just come from there," the tawny Ostrega replied, wondering inwardly how she might know of the mountain pack, and anxiously lashed her tail as she took a quiet moment to consider her own request: "why are you looking for them?"

What in the world had this woman so jumpy?


Kazimir eyeballed the female just as warily, auds tipping backwards as the woman seemed quite ready to nip at her if she made one misstep. The stranger  confirmed the small hint of Diasporian scent she had caught whiff of and stated they were still standing and she visibly sagged with relief, standing upright and starting to just walk off right to them before the woman asked her why she was looking for them. She paused and her ears shifted atop her head indecisively as she wondered just how honest to be with the woman "It is..was my home. I got poisoned, wandered off delusional. I want Stigmata and Mahler to know I am not a deserter" she said her voice trembling slightly and she ducked her head "I just wanted to make sure they still stood. It was a stupid question, Diaspora won't fall anytime soon" she offered a terse smile.

Nyx did not pause to consider the stranger's move to depart without any further words as rude, probably because she'd considered doing likewise. She simply followed her with yellow eyes, sweeping her gaze over the ragged old wounds that littered her frame. At first she wondered if this wolfess had somehow wronged Diaspora, if the marks on her hide had been delivered by Stigmata himself.

Her suspicion was swept aside when the tawny female stopped, confirming that she'd once followed the fallen General and ill health had been the reason for her absence. An excuse, a lie, she found herself wondering, as she'd offered her fair share of those on many occasions.

"Well," the rugged Ostrega concluded, eager to leave this she-wolf to her business so Nyx herself could find the solitude she craved, "you're in for a surprise."

And with that she was gone, slipping between the foliage before Kazimir could have the opportunity to even request a hint of what horror would greet her upon return.

She frowned and stared at the woman as she walked away, the words circling inside her mind. A surprise? That sounded negative. Her heart raced and she didn't bother to call after her but took off, making a beeline straight for Diaspora fearing what she would find.