Emberwood i'm gonna tell you something you don't want to hear

Grezig was growing concerned. More and more concerned as the days went by. It was still winter, but soon it would be spring. Last year, this was around the time that her heat had come and she had coupled with Vaati to produce two children. She believed she was disciplined enough to avoid any accidents, but with Kavik around, and their previous encounter, she wasn’t one-hundred percent sure on that front. When her heat came, she was afraid she would throw herself on the man. much as she had the last time. Only this time, pups would come of it. 

Did she wants pups with Kavik? He was not in love with her, for one. But, a long time ago she had asked him to couple with her to give her pups in the Plateau. He had agreed to that, and it had only been Liri who had stopped that from happening. Perhaps… perhaps he would be fine with it now? She did not expect his love. But she desperately wanted more children. She didn’t know if it was because that was an in-born instinct, or if it was because last time she’d had children, it had gone so poorly. She didn’t really care what the reason was. She just knew she wanted more children. She wanted to try again. And she wanted Kavik to be the father. The man she’d been in love with for over a year.

Feeling nervous but excited and with no idea what he would say about all this, she tilted her head back and howled for @Kavik.

Gezig had been on his mind a lot since their time together. He worried it had shifted something between them into a direction that he wasn't ready for, but she had shown no signs of that being the case (I assume). Things had been relatively peaceful lately, and he was getting used to having his friend around again. 

He was on his way to the borders, planning a small trip to the forest just north of them to search for food. But as he moved through the trees, he heard Grezig's call and stopped to look in the direction of the sound. He couldn't help but be reminded of the last time she had called for his presence, no more than he could stop the playful smile that curved his lips at the memory. He caught a hint of nerves in her howl, though, and so he wasted no more time reminiscing. Kavik turned and trotted in her direction, smiling and dipping his head towards her in greeting when he finally came to stand in front of her. Grezig, he said first. How are you? He could feel her nervous energy, and it made his heart beat faster as he wondered what could be making her feel that way.

Kavik came and asked her how she was. She looked at him for a moment, steeling her nerves, and then got down to business. Despite how nervous she was, she seemed to be mostly back to her old self in that “no nonsense” kind of way. “Kavik,” she greeted him, feeling the need to bow her head because he was of higher rank than her. She hesitated on that front because they had had sex and she felt that put her at the same rank as him, yet she was not a leader of this pack. After an awkward moment, she did incline her head for a few seconds.

With that out of the way, she looked up at him again. “I… have a proposition for you,” she began. “One that I gave you long ago that did not come to fruition, then. You are a… beta of this pack. The actual title of your rank escapes me, nor do I care what it is. This pack’s ranks are odd and I dislike them. That is not the point.” She shook her head. She wasn’t here to criticize UG’s pack ranks. “I assume that your position gives you certain… perks. Do you have breedings rights?” She lifted her eyebrows at him in a questioning way. This plan wouldn’t work if he wasn’t allowed to breed at all.

She greeted him in return, seeming to pause awkwardly for a few moments before inclining her head some to him. He wondered what that had all been about and probably would have asked had she not began to speak again. The subject she brought up was not one he was expecting, and he studied her quietly as she spoke, his expression blank. He loved being a father and he loved all of his children, but was he really the best option for her? Look at his track record—he had lost half of his children before they reached a year of age, and it had been his fault; why would she want to bring that kind of misfortune into her life. He swallowed and backed away, turning to pacing a few steps before finally sitting back down. He closed his eyes and shook his head. My rank does not offer me the right to breed freely, he started quietly. Only Ibis has that right, but I think she would let me have children if I wanted them. Emphasis on if. He paused and released a tired sigh. But Grezig—is that really what you want? His gaze was tortured as it found hers once more. I'm not who I once was...I'm—broken. He hadn't admitted that out loud to anyone yet, but it didn't come with any of the relief that might usually come with sharing such a burden. Instead he just felt exposed and his pain seemed almost unbearable now that it was out in the open instead of forced deep down inside where he could hide it and pretend he wasn't constantly suffering. I don't know if I'll ever not be. He looked away again. Best that she knew the truth now before this went any further.

Somehow, she had been expecting this sad reaction from him. How could she expect any different what with their last interaction? Even though he’d fucked her then, he’d seemed… off. Broken. Depressed. Like her. Still, this weakness disgusted her to some extent, partly because of her own prejudice, but mostly because it reminded her of herself. When had she become such a feeble person? When had he? They had both lost children, and the loss seemed to have destroyed the both of them.

Some growling sound of anger and frustration came unbidden from her throat, ripping out of her like she were being tortured. “I am tired of this,” she snapped. “Tired of this sorrow, this pain, this weakness.” She paced round and round, back and forth. “I will grow from this. So my daughter is gone, my son is dead, and Illidan is… missing. Somewhere. Nowhere. I don’t care anymore.” She stopped her pacing and looked at Kavik longingly. “I will rebuild, with your help. I care not if you love me, I only need your seed. You are strong, physically. Our children would be strong. We could both rebuild. Make new lives.” She stepped towards him, her eyes searching. “Please.”

He watched her outburst, expression unreadable despite the guilt swelling in his chest. He hated that he couldn't move past his his guilt, especially right now when he could plainly see how much it affected Grezig. Her request should be easy enough for him to agree to. It had been easy for him to agree back on the plateau. But he had been a different man then. Hope still shined through his darkness then. Now, he felt like he was always struggling to stay afloat in the middle of a dark, cold void and at any minute, he might lose the fight and just sink into the nothingness; what scared him most about it was that sometimes, he wished it would go ahead and happen because then he might finally find some kind of relief. Returning to the man he was didn't even seem like an obtainable goal anymore, and he often found himself exhausted at just the thought of trying to get back there. He envied her ability to just cast everything she felt aside and just move on. He wondered if he might be able to do the same if he hadn't been responsible for his family's death in the first place. Perhaps if they were just taken from him by something beyond his control, he might find it easier to move on. Perhaps. But probably not. Without his family, there was a large part of him missing, and he wondered how fair it was to try and offer what was left to a new family. 

But when she looked at him, the longing in her expression was more than he could bear. He only wanted her to be happy, and by fathering her children, he could make that happen. He held her gaze as she stepped towards him and then...Please. Kavik closed his eyes and sighed through a clenched jaw. There was no part of him that could deny her what she wanted, regardless of whether or not he thought he could actually rebuild. When he met her gaze again, his expression held only acceptance. "Alright. I can do that for you." His words were quiet but confident. If children were what she wanted from him, then he would give them to her. But before they proceeded with anything: "But, I want to speak with Ibis first, make sure she is okay with us having children." Surely she could understand his request.

Grezig had honestly not been expecting Kavik to say yes at all, so when he did, she felt like a popped balloon—but in the best of ways. All the tension in her body melted and she smiled a genuine smile, something she didn’t do often. “Kavik,” she said softly, moving closer to him, wanting to touch him. “Thank you.” She didn’t care about needing to speak to anyone about it first. “Yes, all right,” she said. “You can speak to whomever you need to speak to. I don’t care. I’m just… I’m just glad you said yes.” There was a fierceness to her, still, but it was dulled, and it had been rerouted somewhere else. Now she was fierce in her knowledge that her children with Kavik would be her legacy. Their children would be strong, like them. They would be everything her children with Vaati had not been. And this time, they wouldn’t leave her.

[Fade?]

Her smile softened him further; he had not seen that look on face often. When she moved closer, he did the same, draping his head over her shoulders to embrace her. He shook his head at her thanks even though she wouldn't be able to see it. He sighed and closed his eyes as she spoke, tightening his embrace. She would be a good mother, regardless of where their relationship went, he knew that for sure. Deep down, swimming around in the darkness of his grief and self hate was the fear that he would be offering their children a broken father, and he was terrified that he would fail them too. He kept the thought to himself, though. Grezig was so happy, that he couldn't bear to ruin it. Besides, there was no need for her to share this burden; it was his alone to carry, and he would continue to do it in silence as he had been. After a few more moments, he drew back to meet her gaze. Come on, let's find you something to eat. He was already worried about how difficult her pregnancy and delivery would be, and so he planned to build up her strength, as much as she would let him anyway.

sounds good <3