where'd you go

This is set a few days after Liyaní was taken/gone. It's set around the borders, so anyone is welcome from any pack.

Liyaní was missing. Gone. Charon had sat around idly for a few days, but Ragnar and Thistle said they were doing all they could do and that he wasn't allowed to go gallavanting after her on his own. He didn't want to sit by idly and now, after a few days, he had had enough. He didn't care if he'd get in trouble with them; Charon just wanted his family in tact again.

So he had left the den and gone walking off on his own. He didn't bother Levi with it, because Levi had already been so sad and apathetic before. Charon had tried everything to cheer up Levi and Liyaní a bit, but now that his other sister was gone, he feared the worst for his remaining brother and Charon just wanted to make everything right again. He'd go looking for the missing siblings (and maybe find Mum and Dad, too!), bring them home, and they'd all be happy again. This was Charon's plan, and he was determined to bring it to a good closing.

The freckled white-pelted boy walked and walked, on and on, for a really far distance. He did catch Ragnar's scent around, though he never knew that Ragnar's territories stretched this far. Charon moved further away from the sea, in-land, until finally Ragnar's scent was beginning to fade.

When he realised that he was going to leave the pack territory, Charon halted. He'd been galopping clumsily like a happy puppy and he'd been determined to go out there and find his missing siblings, but now that he was going into the real big world out there he suddenly got cold feet. Charon's ears swiveled back and forth on top of his head in doubt and his tongue hung from the side of his mouth as he stared outwards, suddenly feeling scared.

Hope you don't mind me and Ragnar! <3 Also, I assumed that Charon was actually outside Stavanger Bay - but I will gladly fix it if I misinterpreted! :-)

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Ragnar was failing, and he did not know what to do about it. Facing the realization that he did not have all the answers, that he could not manage to protect even Verrine and Julooke's children, let alone his own, two of whom had left as well, was destroying him. First Kevlyn had gone missing, though that was putting Ragnar's suspicions in an optimistic light, and now the girl, Liyani had either left or had been kidnapped. After realizing it, the Viking had became violently sick upheaving all of his supper until nothing was left but a sore and empty stomach that he did not bother re-filling, wondering how much stress and worry he could shoulder before it killed him; but Ragnar had hid it, secluding himself off from Gunnar, Thistle, Charon and Levi so that they might not know. Thistle would likely try to tell him that it had to do with his eye, but Ragnar knew that his missing eye had nothing to do with it. It was the worry for the children, children that he was supposed to care for, and so far he was doing a wonderful job at it. One was presumed dead and now one was missing. Of course, his failure as a foster father shouldn't have came to any sort of surprise since he was a massive failure as a father period. Gyda was gone and neither he, nor Thistle had any clue where. Again and again the Gods tested Ragnar's ability to overcome, but Ragnar was only mortal, and couldn't help but wonder, selfishly, why nothing could be easy. Just once. Ragnar had went out personally in search of the girl but had been unable to find her, and unable (and unwilling) to leave his pack for a long period of time he had returned empty handed, knowing that worse than anything he would have to face Charon and Levi's disappointment. “Freya og Frigg horfa yfir Liyani, þar sem alltaf hún kann að vera . Halda henni örugg og blessaður.” Ragnar murmured the prayer to the Goddesses hoping that they would hear and acknowledge his plea. At this point, turning to his Gods was all that Ragnar felt that he could do. The rest would be up to faith, and though it had been tested again and again his faith was still unbending.

The Scandinavian had been dutifully patrolling his borders when he came across the still fresh scent of Charon, heading out into the world beyond the Bay's borders. Horror and fear nearly froze the Northman in his tracks before, without a second thought Ragnar launched himself forward, luckily, finding the uniquely marked boy not to far from the borders, though this was likely only because the Ostrega boy seemed to have paused. Or rather froze. “Charon,” Ragnar called to his young ward, feeling like his heart was breaking for the child. It was not hard to piece together the puzzle. It was extremely likely that the boy had decided to try to find his missing sister, and probably parents though his parents were beyond the realm of living. Ragnar wasn't mad, more so he was relieved that he had found Charon before the boy had gotten too far. He would not lose one more child. He loved them as his own children, he realized, suddenly and sorrowfully. “I am sorry.” The Viking apologized to the young boy, his ears flattening against his skull as the wave of shame and failure surged through him once more.

Not at all, and that's fine! :-)

Charon didn't want to be scared, and he decided that he needed to suck it up and be strong if he ever wanted to find back Liyaní. If he didn't do it, who would? Levi was just being sad all the time and even moreso with Liyaní gone, probably. The only thing that Charon felt sorry for was leaving Levi alone while he went to find Liyaní, but someone needed to do it.

While he waited to catch his breath and find his courage, Charon heard someone call his name. He startled and turned around, recognising the voice as Ragnar's, and watched as Ragnar approached him. His first instinct was to be submissive for he knew he wasn't supposed to go out on his own like this, but when Ragnar apologised to him Charon straightened out his posture, feeling a lot bolder (and he'd just told himself he needed to be more courageous, anyway).

"Don't be sorry," said the young boy as he looked at Ragnar, almost accusatorily so. "Bein' sorry ain't bringin' back Liy!" Charon was angry at Ragnar because, even though Ragnar couldn't help how things had gone, he was the closest thing Charon had in his life to protecting him and his siblings. And whatever had happened to Liyaní, she wasn't being very protected right now.

This post was a lot shorter than I thought it was. :(

Charon turned around at the sound of Ragnar's voice, the Viking saw, the child's startled expression turning to one of recognition quickly. Ragnar's remaining eye of Caribbean blue studiously watched the boy's posture when he apologized — something very rare in and of itself — noting the difference when Charon's posture straightened. The words that tumbled, accusingly to the Viking, forth from the boy's lips were surprising if only because Ragnar had not expected the child to turn on him like such. Yet, they were also not surprising because they mirrored Ragnar's own internal anger towards himself. For slipping. For being the worst foster parent, though the sad part was that Thistle and him had been their best chance at life after Julooke and Verrine. The Jarl took the child's anger, though. “I know,” The Viking replied solemnly. For a long moment Ragnar was silent, trying to decide if he was angry or just weary. Or both. He did not know how to fix Charon's crumbling family any more than he knew how to fix his own. Although, his family had been falling apart a long, long time ago and it had been vain, the Viking saw now, to think that a fresh start could automatically fix it. “What do you suppose I do, hm?” The Jarl asked the child rougher than he had meant too, less of a question and more of a demand.

Charon had expected to be reprimanded for going away, and it was a little weird that he wasn't. He guessed that it was because Ragnar wanted to find Liyaní too, and maybe he thought that Charon would be able to find her, since he obviously hadn't, so far, found any of Charon's missing family members back. He wasn't sure, but it was the most logical reasoning that the boy could fathom in his youthful mind.

Ragnar admitted that Charon was right, but he didn't actually do anything else. Charon was used to adults taking control in all the situations, so it was a little bewildering for him to see an adult sort of give up. When Ragnar demanded to know what he should do, Charon's ears folded back in submissive surprise at Ragnar's angry query, while he tried to think of a reply. He wasn't the adult in the situation and he didn't really think of anything right away; when Charon wasn't asked anything, he loved taking control of situations and taking the lead, but now that he was actually asked for a solution, it came as such a surprise that he didn't have an answer ready.

While he understood little about religion, Charon knew that Ragnar's eye had been taken to satisfy whatever higher powers were out there. Without any sense of logic Charon suggested hesitantly, "Take yer' other eye?" Not like taking the first had actually helped; Liyaní had disappeared after the taking of the eye, after all. But Charon couldn't think of anything that would actually help, so he thought that if Ragnar was determined that taking eyes would help, then maybe whatever powers were out there just needed more eyes?

Even though Charon wasn't sure he wanted to trade in his eye, after a moment he added determinedly, "I can give mine 'f it helps." He looked at Ragnar expectantly, figuring he had all the answers to the puzzle — and could tell if it'd help if Charon would give his eyes too — and knew what would appease whatever powers were tearing at his family.

In a way, Ragnar was attempting to use something similar to reverse psychology upon Charon by giving him the opportunity to tell Ragnar what, if Charon were in Ragnar's situation, what the boy would do. By giving Charon the freedom to state what he thought Ragnar was doing wrong, Ragnar hoped would show the boy that Ragnar's paws were utterly and entirely bound. Ragnar was only a mortal, he did not harbor the power of the Gods, or even the Seer. This, combined with the fact that Ragnar could not simply shun the entirety of Stavanger Bay for a single wolf, no matter how sick it made him knowing that she was gone and that he had, ultimately, failed only served to make Ragnar's choice limited. No matter how much the Northman wished it otherwise. The Ostrega boy did not immediately respond, and the corners of the Viking's lips twitched ever so slightly, though no smirk nor mirthless smile formed. It was easy to be mad at another when you did not truly realize the circumstance that they were put in. “Would have me forsake the Bay, turn my back upon it in search of your sister? Would you have the Bay fall into ruin? Would you have Levi, Thistle, Gunnar and all the others starve while I abandon them to find your sister? This pack will not last long without me, Charon.” Not that Ragnar was trying to be particularly arrogant about his importance to Stavanger Bay — as it was for all he knew the pack might prosper more if he was out of the picture. Whether that was true or not did not matter. Ragnar was attempting to make a point to the child.

A grim expression stole across the scarred Scandinavian's face then, as he settled a single Caribbean blue eye upon Charon, though the Viking moved to stand face to face with the child. “If I thought that it would help, if Odinn promised me that it would help, I would give it,” Ragnar's words held no chicanery. He was not simply speaking it to tell the child what, perhaps, he wanted to hear. If Odinn declared that taking Ragnar's remaining eye would make any sort of difference then Ragnar would have gladly given it. However, the All-Father was sated, and the sacrifice, Ragnar believed, would work it's worth ...eventually.

Why do the Gods give with one hand, yet take with the other? This Ragnar had always wondered, but knew he would never receive the answer too.

“No child, you keep your eyes,” Ragnar spoke softly. “The Gods would not take from a child.” Make no mistake they would take children — for a split second Dagmar's still born litter flashed through the Jarl's mind, the first but as it would seem not the last that Ragnar had ever gotten angry with Odinn. “I know you are angry with me, Charon, and it is okay to be angry with me, but can I ask something of you? Do not be angry with Thistle. It will break her heart.” Not that Thistle was nearly as delicate as she had seemed to be to him when he had first met her. Though the shield-maiden with fire in her heart did not see it herself, Ragnar did not fail to see the difference: she had changed, and likely at Ragnar's influence. Still, he knew it would upset her if Charon and Levi blamed her for what, in truth, neither adult could control. Ragnar would take all of their blame and hatred because he could handle it.

While Charon considered what he could answer in response to Ragnar's question, Ragnar spoke again. Many of the words fell to deaf ears with Charon, for the boy was too young to understand much of it. He knew many words, but when they were formed into long and difficult sentences about drastic matters such as the life of a pack or the loss of his sister, Charon did not always understand what, exactly, it was about. Ragnar asked if he should leave to look for his siblings, but leaving was still something that Charon didn't really understand, since he had never left the Bay himself. He'd so far only experienced the 'forever' kind of leaving, and he didn't like that one, was all he knew. So he stood there and didn't respond right away when Ragnar asked him the questions, because he didn't quite understand the gravity of the words.

Charon watched Ragnar's one-eyed expression as the leader grimly looked upon the boy. Charon did not understand how the gods spoke to Ragnar, and he did not understand why, if taking one eye would help, taking the second wouldn't end up helping him. "Why not?" he asked Ragnar when the leader told him that the gods did not want any more eyes; not Ragnar's remaining eye, nor one of Charon's. He did not see how, if it helped the first time (though he saw little of it), it would not help again. And he'd do anything to get his siblings back.

Ragnar asked Charon to not be angry with Thistle, then. Charon knew what anger was and even though he wanted Ragnar to get back Liyaní and Kevlyn, he wasn't angry. He looked at Ragnar and said, " 'm not angry." He sighed and looked at Ragnar. "I don't know why they're gone. Didn't they like it 'ere?" With watery, shining deep blue eyes, the Ostrega child looked up at Ragnar's grim features, searching for the answers that the Jarl did not have either.

Why? Like most children that seemed to be the most popular word in Charon's vocabulary. Of course it meant that Charon was curious, and willing to learn, but even so it, as it did with every parent sometimes, was beginning to become a word that Ragnar was not overly fond of. Asking Ragnar why the Gods did anything all apart of his want to understand, but it was also asking Ragnar to define something that he, himself, did not know. Ragnar did not pretend to know why the Gods said what they did, or why they wanted what they desired. He did not know their motivation, anymore than anyone else did. He suspected that if he were a God that it was something he would be able to answer for Charon, but Ragnar wasn't a God and therefore had no true answer for the boy. “The Gods are mysterious, Charon. I do not know why they want or do not want things.” And, typically, Ragnar did not question it, because questioning the Gods wasn't something that Ragnar did. “Only they will ever know the answer to that.”

The child admitted that he was not angry, though moments before Ragnar would have disagreed. “You were, before. Angry I mean. At me,” Ragnar knew he deserved it though. He was not being a very good guardian, father or Jarl. It was moments like this: face to face with the roaring, ugly truth, that Ragnar had his moments of doubts about himself. They were rare, and usually, fleeting, but there was always the consideration that he could, should he ever want too, return to the Cove. Abandon everything. It would be easy, even. Claim to go on an Outrider mission and ...never return. He was a Viking. He would adapt. Except, Ragnar was too invested in the Bay, too in love with his wife, and too proud to allow himself to become a coward like that. It would be easy, but Ragnar enjoyed the thrill of the challenge, even if sometimes it felt like too much of a burden to bear.

“I don't know,” It wasn't like Ragnar knew what happened to Kevlyn or Liyani, and he could not form assumptions about either of them. He did not wish to fill Charon's head with lies, and so settled for the harsh reality of truth: that he did not know.

Charon didn’t understand the gods. He didn’t understand why Ragnar didn’t have the answers, because he as an adult and adults usually had answers to questions. Ragnar didn’t seem to know either, though, even though they were his gods. Charon decided to give up asking further questions about the gods, because it would unlikely lead to answers to his questions. Maybe if ever Charon would meet the gods, he could ask them himself.

When Ragnar said that Charon had been angry with him before, Charon violently shook his head. ”No wasn’t,” he said vehemently, convinced that he was correct.

Ragnar then admitted to not knowing why Liyaní and Kevlyn had gone away. Charon felt frustrated that he did not get any of the answers he wanted, but he didn’t say anything about it. He always thought that Ragnar knew a lot of stuff, but now he wasn’t so sure because Ragnar had already admitted to not knowing like, two things.

Continuing his stream of questions, Charon queried, ”Why’s Ma and Da got other names? Uhm… Like, V’rine an’… uhm… Look? Aren’t they named Ma and Da?” Charon tried to envision his parents’ actual names, but he didn’t remember what they had been called, because he only remembered the names being mentioned at the pack meeting where their disappearance had been announced, and possibly in passing between Ragnar and Thistle. They were still Ma and Da to him.

When Charon insisted that he hadn't been angry with Ragnar, the Viking, in the interest of not arguing with a child, let it go with a shrug of his broad, scarred shoulders. Ragnar had not mistaken the child's brief anger, he believed, but let it go because it was not a fight worth having, and besides, he did not wish to make Charon become more distant from him then Ragnar already thought the child to be. “Alright Charon,” Ragnar conceded to pacify the young Ostrega boy. Charon seemed determined to keep up the questions, though, for he asked next why his mother and father had other names, why their names were not just as the child put it 'ma' and 'da'. “Everyone has a given name child,” Ragnar responded, fixing the him in his single eye. “Just as your name is Charon, their names were Verrine and Julooke,” Ragnar missed them, having both been core parts of the Bay. None of it's founding members remained besides Gunnar, Thistle and himself of course. They had helped him build it and left it all the same, for whatever reason. That was the way of a pack life, however, they came and went. “They are Ma and Da,” The words felt strange as they left Ragnar's lips, having always called his parents by the Norse variations of 'mother' and 'father', and for a small moment the Viking's face displayed his confusion at the common tongue words before it disappeared. “To you because it is rude to call your parents by their given names.”

Charon was pleased that Ragnar dropped the matter of whether or not he had been angry, because he was super duper muchly sure that he hadn't been angry at all. Charon probably would've gone on to argue about it until Ragnar told him to hold his tongue, since he was a stubborn child and liked to believe his own truth.

Charon listened attentively as Ragnar explained to him that Verrine and Julooke were his parents' 'given names'. He figured it was something like how he was called Charon. He didn't really understand why it was rude to call his parents by their first names rather than Ma and Da, but he figured it was just something like a nice secondary name they had because they were really special to him. He wondered if they'd had those kind of names for him too, but didn't ask as he overthought what Ragnar had just said.

"What 'bout last names, why they for?" he asked curiously. He knew that his was Ostrega, but he wondered where they came from. Charon had forgotten all about his quest to find Liyaní for now, his attention span fleeting like a child's (and had even pretty much forgotten where he was, absorbed into the conversation with Ragnar).

Speaking with Charon, as Ragnar was, had effectively taken his own mind off of the fact that they were outside the territory because the child had been trying to sneak out of the Bay in search for Liyani, as well. Or perhaps he hadn't snuck at all. Ragnar could not give them his full, undivided attention at any capacity, having so much on his plate as it was, but he tried, at the very at least to spend time with them, to teach them the things that Verrine would have, would the male have still been alive. Perhaps taking time to speak to Charon, like this, even if the boy was still too young to understand, or even if it was about meaningless nothings would help ease the child's suffering. Or, perhaps it wouldn't. Ragnar didn't know, and did not know how to make things better for the child. He was no God and could not perform the impossible. Scarred and blinded half of his face rose tilted skyward as the Viking cocked his head at Charon's next question, one that Ragnar himself had, had numerous times. In Ragnar's own culture there wasn't such a thing as a “last name”. In all technicality, his sons were 'Ragnarsson' and his daughter was 'Ragnardaughter”. Loðbrök was nothing more than a nickname that he had earned as he'd worked his way up the rankings of the Berserkers. It was only when he came to the Teekon Wilds did he “use” it in the place of a last name.

“I, also, would like to know that myself,” Ragnar responded. “Loðbrök isn't my last name. It is only a nickname that I have given to my wife and children,” Still, he did not see the purpose of it beyond speculation. “I suppose it is to further identify but that is only my guess. What do you think that wolves have last names for?” Ragnar inquired, truly interested in what Charon had to speculate on the matter.

Disappointment was vivid on Charon's face as Ragnar admitted to not really knowing about last names and why they were there. He figured that Ragnar would know, since he had a difficult-to-pronounce word behind his name, just as Charon and his siblings. Charon had not used his last name in some time though, and perhaps that was why he was so curious about it, wondering if it bore any meaning at all; if he needed to keep it or if it didn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

As Ragnar explained that he used Loðbrök to signify his family, Charon wondered if maybe that was what Verrine or Julooke had done as well with the name Ostrega.

After considering Ragnar's words a moment Charon shook his head. He didn't really know. "Dunno," he mumbled to empower his head-shaking. Then he looked up at Ragnar and asked, "What's Ma and Da's last names? Also Os'rega?" He wasn't sure if that made him want it more or less. He wished that his parents were by his side, but if they would never return to him, then he wondered if he would eventually forget about them? The thought of forgetting about Ma and Da was frightening, but if he did forget them, then he wasn't sure why he would need a last name that connected him to wolves he forgot.

Charon's continued disappointment was clearly written on his face, and idly Ragnar was left to wonder how many more times he would continue to disappoint the child. Ragnar had never given his children the impression that he knew everything and Charon and Levi were no different. Ragnar was only a man and only knew so much, though he wishes that he had infinite knowledge as Odinn did. Perhaps there would come a day when he stopped failing the Ostrega children — or what was left of them — and a day in which he would cease to dissapoint them as well, though Ragnar did not hold out much hope. It would not surprise the Viking if one day, when they were old enough, they left the Bay and never looked back. He couldn't say that he would really blame them for it, if they decided to do such. There were days when he wished to walk away, leave everything behind him and never look back too. Too many days of doubt there were as of late. "Yes, their last names were Ostrega as well." Ragnar responded to Charon's question, curious as to why he had asked but figuring that if the child wanted to share what thoughts had been in his mind he would without prompt from Ragnar.

want to wrap this up soon? :)

"Oh, okay," said Charon in response to Ragnar's answer. He was still somewhat confused about the concept of the last names and how they came to be. The boy held silent for a while as he processed all that had been shared with him. He figured that last names were just a way to identify one's family, and that if he would ever have a family some day, he would also get to pick a last name of his own. He wasn't sure, but he did not voice these doubts, even though they were plainly written on his face.

Charon surveyed his surroundings, suddenly aware that he was far from home, and he wondered aloud, "Will I see Liyaní again?" He had not seen Kevlyn or Ma and Da since their disappearances, and he dearly hoped that the same fate would not come between him and his sister.

Suddenly feeling tired, Charon looked at Ragnar with sad eyes and said, "Wanna go home." He hoped that Ragnar would lead him back, because he didn't really remember how he'd gotten all the way out here, truthfully, and was too tired to put his nose to good use. He really just wanted to go home and cuddle with Levi, because no matter how hard he wanted to find Liyaní, he wasn't going to manage, it seemed.

I'll go ahead and archive this. <3

Ragnar's attention drifted from the boy for a few seconds, using his singular eye to look for any oncoming danger — not that Ragnar suspected anything but still — though it settled back upon Charon when he had ascertained that there were no unwanted guests or lone wolves nearing them, ears cupping forth when the boy spoke up again, inquiring as to if he would ever see his sister again. For a long moment Ragnar was silent, not having an answer for Charon here, either. He did not wish to lie to the boy anymore than he wished that the truth would not sting as much. Ragnar figured that he had already disappointed Charon so what was one more unwanted response? “If the Gods are kind then yes, but I truly do not know Charon.” It was harder still because Ragnar did not know what had happened to the girl. If she had been kidnapped or if she had willingly left of her own accord. Not knowing those factors left Ragnar playing against too many unknowns.

Glimpsing into Charon's sad eyes made Ragnar wish, immediately, that he had not and the Viking's head lifted to stare at the distant horizon when Charon told him that he wanted to go home. That much, Ragnar could do for him, at the very least. “Come then child,” The scarred Scandinavian spoke with a gesture of his muzzle back towards the Bay as he turned so that they were facing it. “Let us go back.” Ragnar offered Charon a gentle nudge, meant to be something of an affectionate gesture from a man that did not understand affection very well, wishing that he could ease Charon's pain but not knowing how. Ragnar fell into a contemplative silence then, as he took his young, sad Ward back into the safety of Stavanger Bay's borders.