we won't go to war

haha, a poofster. i love it. <3

Pantaleimon blinked her eyes when Reek called her a 'poofster', having no clue what it meant. She blinked a few times, and when both Pan and Reek seemed to have recovered from most of their confusion, Reek went on to say he could've set Pan up with Spyridon. "I'm not, uhm... That's not how it --" Pan started to explain, but she cut herself off, not sure how to explain, really. Maybe she could've fallen in love with a female; but somehow, it was exactly that thought that seemed so averse to Pantaleimon for the same reason that her being with another guy seemed averse to Reek. She didn't think she was gay. Just not a dude.

Reek said that Pantaleimon needed to tell the guy in question, but it wasn't that easy. If not for Fox, then Peregrine had a family, puppies. Besides, the thought he would push Fox aside for Pantaleimon was laughable. He'd never go for it. Pan imagined that Perry would look sad if she'd told him what Reek just said, and that he'd be sorry to let her go, but that he would let her go, thinking it best for both of them to avoid further upset. And the thought of Perry letting her go made her gut squelch together in painful ways.

"He's got pups," she mumbled with a frown. Pantaleimon then halted from the walk they were taking and looked at Reek while she tried to find the right words to explain. Unfortunately, words had never really been Pan's thing. "I'm... I d-don't think I'm gay, Reek, I just, I..." Please don't laugh. "F-from the day I was born, I felt like a... Well, I always thought I'd be a Siren, y'know, as a Nereides. I didn't... didn't think about what did or didn't dangle in, uhm, in places, I just... I wasn't a Consort. I knew it in my heart. I knew until... Well, until they told me - showed me that I was a Consort, I - I g-guess, and I t-tried so hard to believe that I was, but somewhere d-deep down, I... I just s-started to lie to myself, too, b-because it was easier as a Nereides." Pantaleimon's frown intensified as she forced herself to look at Reek and swallowed dryly. "I know I c-can't do any of that because of... because of what I am, Reek, but I love Perry as a... as uhm, like as if I was a girl, li-like I want to have his puppies, and - and grow old together, and I..." Pantaleimon trailed off, realising she was mixing two explanations together: the one about Peregrine and the one about her gender. Pan averted her gaze and bit her lip while she hoped Reek wouldn't judge her, even if he didn't understand.