Lost Creek Hollow i know what i was feeling, but what was i thinking

Mordecai had called for her to move back. She heard it loud and clear. She had, already, moved back a great deal from the male and was no longer in the way, but she was still well within range of any lashing out. She felt frozen. Her whole body ached when she attempted to move and she found herself fighting to listen to the commands given. She slowly, but surely, moved backwards. She took one paw step at a time, moving almost as if time had slowed down. She was by no means in a situation where dominance needed to be asserted. Harlan had taken obvious control and no one, not even her larger co-alpha, had fought her over it. But for some reason Ilya shrunk lower and lower as she moved. By the time she was close to the same distance as Mordecai, she was lowered almost all the way. It was almost pathetic.

But the sight was gruesome and took a toll on the women who's life had been nothing but a rising action since she'd moved to the Hallow. It was her safe haven. All in it was holy and beautiful, everything in it could not be touched. At least that was how it had seemed. With Mordecai's injury and now Luke's attack, she wasn't sure what to think. Her whole social system seemed to be crumbling, and the black wolf didn't know what to think.

Eventually, her stature rose as she began to calm herself down, the shock slowly eroding from her mind. But she was by no means okay; simply trying to stay strong as she was expected to do.