Ankyra Sound a gunslinger knows pride - that invisible bone that keeps the neck stiff

the ghost listened to her as she spoke and as she shared with him the things that she had never said before. the longer she talked, the larger the lump in the back of his throat had gotten. after a moment, he wondered if it would prevent him from breathing again. he could not swallow. he could not breathe. she had done so well by him in one of his most difficult times. grezig had given him everything that he had needed as a young boy. liri and kavik had done well by him too.

it did not matter what they told him. illidan knew that he had not deserved the love that he had gotten from them. he had been a rotten little child who had locked himself in a dark room with no intention of letting anyone else inside. he wondered how different his circumstances would have been if it had been ephraim that kavik and liri had found. what if his brother had been fortunate enough to fall into the hands of protective parent-like wolves instead of the drageda group. would grezig have shared the same conversation with him? would she have loved him just as much?

'i love you, illidan.'

his eyes closed slowly. he breathed in the scent of the ocean in an attempt to ground himself. there was a burning in the pit of his stomach that spread like wildfire in the middle of summer. as though it could hear her admit it, the small voice in the back of his head seemed to snicker. you don't deserve her love, it reminded him coldly. he knew that to be true. he had not been kind to grezig. her own children would give her more than he ever did, he knew.

“you have given me more than i deserve. i hope your children understand how fortunate they are,” he said softly, finally glancing to her again.

as much as he would have liked to tell her that his odds of finding happiness were very slim, he couldn't bring himself to be sour to her again. he did not have the strength that he'd had when he was younger. too many things had been taken from him. he felt that he had gotten all that he deserved in his life. for grezig to wish that he could find happiness, well... that was just another act of her kindness that he could never repay her.

“and i hope you are right, but only the future will tell.”

the ghost knew that he should have told her that he loved her too. he should have been capable of sharing that moment with the woman who had assisted in raising him. illidan did not know if he was capable of loving anything, though. he did not want to offer her a lie. she deserved more than that.