Broken Antler Fen and armor beneath her skin

i'm going to go ahead and say this is a last post for me. :-)

i know but — but. but she'd been there. standing in the way. the wrong place at the wrong time. if she hadn't been standing there blodreina wouldn't have needed to come to her rescue like the fiercest warrior legend praimfaya knew her to be. praimfaya swallows thickly and lets out a ragged sigh, biting on her tongue. her father was right and though she does not entirely feel blameless — for if there is no one she can redirect her blame and grief and anger towards — she knows arguing will get her no where. i know. she reaffirms, letting it drop.

the approach of henwen causes her to pull away from ingram but only after an affectionate nudge to his jaw though praimfaya orients herself so she is still standing near him. he is her rock, holding her steady against the dizzying turmoil of events that has led them here. to her surprise, her father answers henwen's question and praimfaya cannot help the flinch she makes when he says it so simply. blodreina is dead. simple though the words were she could hear the thickness in his voice, the struggle he must've felt trying to put volume behind them.

thank you, praimfaya responds as the woman offers her condolences. blodreina's death was not part of the plans having been made here and priamfaya wonders if henwen would stay ...though if she decided not to there would be no upset feelings. she was just a girl, after all. just a girl standing eye to eye with what felt like an impossible task unwilling to back down just because she might get scoffed at for trying. henwen's words of support, however, morph praimfaya's expression into surprise. sha, praimfaya responds as she recollects herself. she had no intentions of giving up. she couldn't, for blodreina's sake. roangeda was my mother's dream for me and i will not give it up. a promise made, iron-clad despite the grief that twists at her heart as she looks from the woman to ingram.

henwen, praimfaya calls to the older woman, inviting her closer, noticing that the woman had moved to give them space. this is my father, ingram. dad, this is henwen. she is kru. the first that mother recruited. maybe not the best time to make introductions but praimfaya doesn't like the idea of them being total strangers all the same. at the very least, they had each other's names now.

praimfaya can feel her self control slipping, can feel the burn of heat beneath her eyes — for each time she blinks the image of a broken blodreina pinned beneath the too-heavy boulder flashes vividly in her minds eye. barely, she suppresses a shudder. i... — she's ashamed of the sudden stutter, of the way words slip from her like smoke betwixt fingers. i need to be alone for a little bit. she tells them abruptly and after pressing an affectionate nudge to her ingram's shoulder she spares henwen a glimpse before venturing deeper into the territory where she grieves in some hidden corner.

a commander doesn't cry ...and if she does, praimfaya thinks, she doesn't let her kru see it.