Firefly Ravine someone was changing, someone was changing from the inside out

she lingers by the cliffs a long while, waiting for the bodies of her kru to drop away, back to their duties and desires. but no matter how deep she tries to probe, she cannot find within herself the urge to cry. it is the exact lack of any strong reaction that scares her. a wild, irrational part of her feels a resurgence of anger at wildfire instead -- has she used up all her mourning on her capricious blood-mother, leaving nothing for nomi, the one who actually deserves her sorrow?

nomi would probably tell her -- she had to go, it was her time, she shouldn't be sad anyway. (or maybe she's just making herself feel better).

when the fading sunlight is finally ruptured by a thin line of grey cloud, sinking the cliffs into premature night, blix rises and turns and begins to walk. she passes hougeda, unable to bear the thought of looking at anyone else right now. she passes the borders, hesitating only a second on the threshold--any venture outside runs the risk of encountering a not-so-friendly neighbor, and she isn't in a place to handle that--before crossing, her aimless path arcing away from the sound.

blix isn't leaving leaving, but she can't be in drageda right now, near those cliffs, near the ocean where no doubt nomi's bloated corpse has already sunk and begun to dissolve back into the water. she needs to send helix to trigeda -- ajatar is heda now. blixen always knew the score. drageda is heda, but heda is not synonymous with nomi. antumbra's death is not the death of drageda. and that means she's got to keep it going.

fireflies, blinking in and out of her vision, pull her back to the present. abruptly she looks down, focused on the blue-shadowed grass her paws have sunk into. her own fur looks shockingly bright to her, a slash of deep red against the earth. unsettled, the girl stops her march. a wave runs through her -- her stomach convulses suddenly. 

she retches until her stomach is empty, pulled into a cramped ball, and coughs once. the fireflies drift by, unconcerned, and dimly she wishes she was with mallaidh instead of out here alone. 

but she doesn't move. not yet.