Heron Lake Plateau if it's meant to be, it'll be, it'll be

Bat sat at the plateau's edge. An onlooker might think she was watching her mother traipsing across the floodplain below. But the youth's eyes were glassy and unfocused. She had considered calling out to Wildfire, or maybe seeking out Niamh instead. There was part of Bat that needed to hash out what had happened with @Tegan... but there was no such thing as an objective third party, at least in the pack, and the idea of telling anyone who knew him about the way he'd treated her made her cringe. She still loved him and the last thing she wanted to do was reveal his dark side or turn his own family against him. Truthfully, Bat never wanted anyone to find out about the terrible, ugly things he'd said to her.

The wind bit at her face and Bat took enough notice to slant it aside. She caught a glimpse of Wildfire's progress below as she slowly lowered herself onto her belly to give herself a lower profile. The Bat that lay there, listlessly, was the aimless little girl who hadn't found her purpose until she'd crossed paths with Tegan. He'd brought her to life, in his way, and then he'd crushed that same spirit he'd breathed into her. She sniffed back unshed tears, her throat tightening with grief as her eyes slowly closed against the pain of feeling horribly bamboozled.

okay, before you start feeling all bad for bat or whatever you gotta seriously take a look at tegan. who's a fucking train wreck-- but like on the DL, ya feel? 

first of all-- these fucking nightmares, bro. blackfeather had fucked him up. and he was seriously struggling with handling them. it helped to have someone around... and he didn't always have someone around. so when they happened he was all sorts of out of place. that night especially. 

second of all-- tegan was sort of used to being abandoned. not like, literally, but if you've kept up with tegan you know about the whole blackbear saga. and beyond that, you know how the towhee x niamh friendship affected him. so like, he's sort of used to being pushed to the side. he's not really sure why, either, cause he thinks he's pretty great and also a good friend. but apparently he's not, cause he keeps being replaced by others and left. so, whatever. fuck it. tegan's got abandonment issues or something. and also doesn't handle emotion well. it's been known, sis. 

so of course, when bat pulled this whole thing in the middle of a fucking CRISIS, it's no surprise tegan went off. but, of course, now that it was a little bit later and he'd had time to calm down he was sort of feeling guilty. like, whoops. he felt bad about it-- he hadn't meant to snap. and he was only sure that this would absolutely solidify bat leaving. and he liked bat, he didn't want her to leave. they were pretty good friends, he didn't want anything to change.

so he tracked her down.. which was pretty easy, she thankfully hadn't left the plateau. he spotted here lookin all droopy and shit on the ground, and let out a soft sigh. he chuffed to get her attention. "can we talk, pup?"

The sound of a sigh caused Bat's eyes to peel open again. When she saw Tegan, her heart began to pound as she pushed herself upright on shaky, quaky legs. On one hand, she wanted to shrink away from him, from everything he'd said and what it meant about how he felt (or didn't feel) about her. On the other hand, she was so desperate to push it all behind her and get back to the way things were with the wolf who wasn't just her crush but also her very best friend.

"Yeah," she said weakly, still surprised that he'd sought her out. She'd really wondered if he might never want anything to do with her again. He'd sounded so angry. And, really, should she want anything to do with him, in light of his cutting words? Perhaps Bat shouldn't, yet all the same... Tegan meant so much to her and she knew she would do just about anything to reclaim their bond and put it to rights.

tegan should've moved to come closer to her, but instead he stood stiffly a few paces away and blurted out, "i get really bad nightmares." oh you fucking pussy. ugh. reword it. 

he cleared his throat. "when i found screech i had this like... vision... and i saw my own death," he then said, hopefully beginning the story a bit better now. his ears pressed to his skull, angry he'd let his own fuckass emotions get the best of him in any kind of situation. tegan prided himself on being so mysterious with his emotions (even though we all know that's bullshit and the dumbass wears them all on his sleeve), and this was just stupid. he was stupid! he continued. "and now i just... dream about it, sometimes. but... when i sleep with someone else they don't come." there backstory laid out.

"i'd had one when you found me the other night... which is why i was looking for you," he finished, tail swishing, letting out a heavy huff-- frustrated still with himself and absolutely hating being so vulnerable. "i... don't know why you asked me if i'd ever leave the plateau, but it kinda set me off. i didn't mean what i said to you. i would be really..." he paused to clear his throat rather... mmm... sheepishly, i guess would be the word, "sad if you left me."

His frank and unexpected confession left Bat at a loss for words, which was fine because Tegan quickly launched into an explanation. She listened, feeling sympathetic despite herself, and she permitted herself to feel relief too. His anger hadn't been in character, nor had it really been directed at her, at least fully. Tegan went on to say that he hadn't meant what he'd said and Bat's heart floated up into her throat, where it beat hard and fast when he admitted how he'd really feel if she left him.

But... "I wouldn't ever leave you," Bat said in a hushed voice. "I shouldn't have asked it right then. I don't know why I did. It was shit timing," clearly. "But I wouldn't go anywhere without you. That was the point." She swallowed self-consciously, wondering if she was giving herself away.

Suddenly, Tegan's angry voice echoed in her head. "Ask me to come with you? Expect me to leave my whole fucking family to follow around some kid?" "But just so we're totally clear," she said in a very small voice, choosing her words carefully, "you did mean the part about not 'following around some kid,' right?" She smiled sadly, afraid he might get mad again, afraid he might answer affirmatively, afraid of finding out for certain Tegan didn't and would never feel the same way about her.

there was some sort of relief that flooded into tegan's body as she mentioned she wouldn't ever leave him. "good," he returned gently, suddenly understanding why towhee hated wolves who left so much. especially phox. tegan could imagine, somehow, how he'd felt if bat actually left. it made him sad-- really, truly, sad. but she wasn't leaving-- that's what she said-- so tegan didn't further voice this emotion. she didn't need to know. 

and then his expression darkened... but not in a mean way just in a concerned way. what did she mean? his ears flicked back for a moment before pressing forwards. "where do you wanna go, pup?" he asked with a heavy sigh, and then tacked on, "i didn't mean some kid. i mean, you're still a kid, but you mean a lot to me." and, no, he wasn't actually misunderstanding what she was asking him... but he wasn't quite willing to answer it in the way she was hoping he would. he knew his way around conversations, he was good at reading intentions. bat was asking something that came as something of a shock to the blackthorn yearling. he was trying to be careful. it was now that he realized he might've been walking on eggshells.

Her ears flicked when he called her "pup," a fairly common nickname he used, though the connotation stung at the moment. But she forgot all about that when he admitted she meant a lot to him. Bat's eyes widened and became a little glossy at that. She felt something flood her system... adrenaline, maybe, or possibly endorphins? She didn't know. But suddenly her whole body tingled with something like euphoria.

"You mean a lot to me too," she admitted. "I don't want to go anywhere in particular. I just..." She paused, assessing the situation and studying Tegan's face. Should she? "I thought maybe I'd like to travel one day—really travel, like, stay on the road a while—and I thought you might come with me. I mean, I'd only go if you came with me. But if you don't wanna do that, then..." Then she wouldn't go without him. Bat shrugged, recognizing it as the truth even as the words left her mouth.

there was clear hesitation as tegan thought out what he'd say next. part of him just had this feeling that she was implying something-- maybe without even meaning to. he was unsure how to take it-- especially if she wasn't explicitly saying what he thought she was saying. because maybe he was wrong. he kept his suspicions down, instead trying not to trample on any feelings. which, was out of character for tegan, who was pretty firmly set on breaking every heart he came across. that's just what u do when u got broads, u kno?

"of course i want to travel, bat," said tegan with another heavy sigh, though not with exasperation. tegan was young, like, very young, but bat was younger. whether or not she actually showed any maturity was beyond tegan-- who was incredibly immature when it boiled down to it-- but he was positive she didn't quite understand this... since she kind of, uprooted herself from her own pack. "i can't leave the redhawks. this is my home and my family. and i don't really know exactly what kind of life you lived before this, and i get that maybe that wasn't for you... but this is all i've ever known, and it's all i ever want to know," he told her, his pale brow beginning to furrow. "it's just... what if something happens while i'm gone? while we're off fuckin around in the mountains or something?" he tried to reason. he wasn't a stick in the mud! seriously! but tegan actually took his family very seriously... i mean, for real, biggest mama's boy EVER. 

"i got responsibilities here, i can't just up and leave, even if i really wanted to."  he looked at her for a moment longer, silent, head tilting to one side. "do you understand, bat?"

Her heart skipped a beat at his initial answer. Was all this just a giant misunderstanding, borne on bad feelings as a result of his nightmare? But no... Tegan quickly clarified that he was a homebody. He would travel, yet never leave the Redhawks. Bat's heart sank. It was good to know where he stood, even if it wasn't the answer she'd hoped for. All it really meant was that she would have to nix her dreams of travel, because she'd just said she would never go without him and Tegan was more important to her than wandering the world.

She couldn't really empathize properly, though Bat nodded slowly and said, "I get it." Bat went quiet after that, not really sure what else to say right now. She was sorely tempted to make a joke about fucking around in the mountains but it just didn't feel right. Her feelings were still too tender to make light of much of anything, much less being intimate with Tegan.

And though she was glad their friendship was on the mend and that he'd told her she meant a lot to him, Bat was still pretty sure he didn't like her that way. She would give up on her dreams for him, yet Tegan wouldn't even consider doing the same for her, and that spoke pretty loud and clear to her. It was good to know where things stood, she supposed, though it still made her little teenage heart ache.

she said she got it, but something told him that he totally fucked it up. or... maybe he didn't? maybe that was just how this had to go? either way, she seemed kinda down. tegan didn't really know what to say now. "are we good?" he asked sort of tenderly, like someone was poking a bruise on his side or something. he hoped they were good. they could work on their friendship again. he stepped forward to nudge her chin with his nose, a friendly gesture.

Of course, she could always ask him outright, put herself out of her misery once and for all and be absolutely certain. But Bat didn't have the courage for that, not now, maybe not ever. And maybe she would hope, despite herself, since she didn't technically have a concrete answer from Tegan, on the basis that she'd never asked the question. Besides, things could always change. She hadn't always felt this way about him; she'd grown into her feelings. Maybe he would develop them too, in time... hell, maybe he might even change his mind about traveling someday.

"Are we good?" he wanted to know, the query followed by a friendly nudge. "Yeah," Bat said, voice still quiet, though she managed a small smile for him. "We're good." Sure, maybe things would change in the future—Tegan's feelings, his attachment to the Redhawks—but she wasn't going to hold her breath. She'd just try to be happy with their friendship, especially now that she'd gotten a taste of what it might be like to lose it.

tegan had just unintentionally kept a girl on the ropes... which was something he totally wanted to do, but not really bat cause... i mean... he didn't really think of her that way. she was just so young? it felt kinda weird, right? was she even that young? either way, now tegan was fuckin thinking about it. she hadn't even said it outright!! he just assumed because he's a fuckin asshole and is hella good at reading others-- way to go, faceface, now you fucked up your own psyche. great. 

"good..." returned tegan in a mutter cause he was just thinking or something stupid. "we'll go on a trip or something soon though, okay? cause you still gotta teach me that north star thing." just a short trip. he figured he wouldn't have to say that outright.

The idea of a trip did cheer her, though movement down below suddenly distracted her. She peeked over the edge of the plateau to see her mother conversing with Elwood. She pulled her head back out of view before either one spotted her, then turned to Tegan with a quick nod.

If she wasn't going to travel, that meant she would need to start working on her relationships with her mother and Kiwi. Bat's throat felt tighter. She wanted to demand he come with her somewhere right now, actually. But that was entirely counterproductive! She needed to stop avoiding them, quit running away all the time.

She decided not to mention any of this out loud—she'd done enough emotional work for one day, thank you very much—so instead Bat said, "You mean Polaris?" Assuming he confirmed, she added, "Maybe tonight? Then I could stay with you so you don't have, you know, nightmares."

yeah, said tegan, completely ignoring all the thoughts running through his head. yeet. don’t need the thinker rn. let’s do it. 

good little adventure to clear the awkward air around them. though, really, seriously, tegan has punted his brain out the window momentarily to stop him from thinking about anything that had happened the last few days.