Sun Mote Copse I don't wanna see the wires in the circus anymore

After hearing about her sister, Kiwi essentially vanished.  She avoided @Wildfire, avoided @Sequoia, avoided everyone.  And she cried.  She cried a lot. 

In fact, she was crying now.  She'd found a little dugout a short ways in from the border of the Copse, a hollow beneath the roots of a skeletal tree that made a nice little hiding spot for the small, auburn hued girl.  She'd shoved her nose into the dirt and was silent as hot tears rolled down her cheeks, wetting the cold earth.

Stupid.  Fucking stupid. She lashed out a paw, tearing at the wooden root in front of her.  She didn't know what or who it referred to.  Life, maybe?

As soon as she returned from Two Rivers Isle, Wildfire went looking for Kiwi. She found the girl easily enough. She wanted to throw her arms around her daughter and never let go, though the sound of Kiwi's angry words and lashing feet gave her pause. She hung back, tears swimming in her eyes, a throaty croak escaping her to announce her presence. Much as she wanted to embrace Kiwi, she would give her her space if she needed it and only approach if the girl allowed it.

She didn't hear her mom until she made a noise alerting her, and Kiwi's ears snapped back.  She was about to give a hearty "go away", but something stopped her.  She didn't want her to go.  She'd hidden herself away, but she really wanted her mom right now.

She just didn't want Wildfire to know, because she knew if she did, that she'd probably hate her as much as Kiwi hated herself right now.

She didn't know what to do.  She couldn't talk to her, but she needed to.  So she stayed in her hole, quietly torn.

She saw Kiwi's ears splay and Wildfire swallowed hard. She took a step backward, telling herself that her daughter just needed some time. Although she understood this on a logical level, it didn't prevent her from feeling choked up about it. She blinked, the tears streaming silently down her red cheeks.

Trying her hardest to keep her voice steady, Wildfire called softly, "I'll be here if you need me."

She ruined everything.  They'd been so happy here, and now - Kiwi bit her cheek, hating that now the before thought case with a flattening amount of guilt.  It was a weight that had settled in her stomach and now turned it, almost to the point that she felt nauseous.

Her mom's soft comment reached her ears and she looked out frantically, guessing that meant she was going to leave her and try again later.  Wait-  it came out a little choked, and she struggled out from among the roots to stand shakily, her tear stained muzzle pointed down, not looking at her mom.

She couldn't stay away, though.  Right now she needed Wildfire more than she needed to avoid her, so she surged forward and buried her again sobbing face in her mom's chest.

Kiwi called out for her to, "Wait." Wildfire immediately rooted herself to the spot, restraining herself as she watched her daughter climb to her feet. She looked as wrecked as Wildfire felt. She waited until the Honoree moved toward her, then immediately dropped onto her haunches and opened her arms, drawing Kiwi against her in the tightest hug she could manage and rocking her slowly as she sobbed.

Wildfire had already gotten quite a bit of anguish out of her system, so she didn't make any sounds herself, though the tears dropped hard and fast as she clung to Kiwi. She had held Bat like this, not so long ago, upon being reunited. Her eyes shut slowly and she buried her smudged snout into the nape of Kiwi's neck as she reflected on those few brief encounters since finding Bat with the Redhawks.

Just the other day, Bat had come to visit her. They'd spent several hours together, roaming the copse's borders. Reliving that memory now wounded Wildfire indescribably. But she would hold onto that memory tightly. It was the last time she'd seen her little girl. She remembered feeling hopeful, even a little giddy, because finally their relationship seemed to be on an upswing. Wildfire would be forever grateful they'd ended on that note.

Turning her attention outward again, Wildfire wished she knew something to say to Kiwi that wouldn't sound clichéd. Where she failed to come up with words, she hoped the circle of her arms would give her daughter some measure of solace.

She cried herself out, which was impressive because she probably should have done that hours ago.  Once she was done, she stayed where she was and just breathed, guiltily soaking in the warmth of her mom's constant presence.  

A small, honest part of Kiwi wanted to spill what it was that had her tied up in knots, but the words wouldn't come.  She couldn't admit or own up to it partially because she feared the reaction and partially because speaking it made it that much more real.

She internalized it instead.  Her last words to her sister had been that she no longer wanted to be sisters, and now she would never fix that.  As much as she thought she'd hated Bat, a part of her knew that it wasn't true and that eventually they would make up and she'd give in. Not anymore.

Wildfire would've held Kiwi until the end of time, if that's how long it took. But her daughter stopped crying long before that, probably wearing herself out in the process. Wildfire ran her nose soothingly over the yearling's crown, still wishing she knew the words to say to ease the ache. Only time would really help heal this wound, though neither one of them would likely ever fully recover.

After a while, Wildfire loosened her hold just enough to lean back and look into Kiwi's face. "It'll be hard, for a while," she spoke, finally finding her words even if her voice was hoarse, "but we'll get through this." She hugged Kiwi close again, chin resting atop her head, hoping that didn't sound like a total platitude. "I'm here. Seq's here. The rest of the Firebirds are here."

Kiwi snuffled and composed herself slowly before finally pulling back slightly from Wildfire.  Yeah.  she put more force behind it than what she felt, but it seemed right now to go with the upward shift of tone.  Things would be ok.  Right?

She usually stayed with her mom and Sequoia most nights, but she knew for the next few, she'd remain extra close.  Not only for the warmth, but also because night was doubtless when her mind would be most apt to dwell on this and she definitely couldn't let it.

Can we go patrol? She asked finally, wiping her face and standing up.  She needed to move.

Kiwi sought the distraction a patrol could provide. "Of course," Wildfire replied quietly, touching the tip of her snout to her daughter's cheek. She said nothing else, simply falling into step beside the yearling as they made their way back toward the borders she'd crossed moments ago. It would be hard to pull herself together and focus on the task at hand—especially since she'd done this very thing with Bat the last time she'd seen her—but Wildfire would try to be strong not only for Kiwi but the rest of the Firebirds.