Panther Park We'll win but not everyone will get out

for @Illidan <3

The search for food was constant and, as usual lately, disappointing. Still, he was persistent in his need to keep what was left of his family fed, even if it meant wandering farther than he really felt comfortable with. He hadn't seen anything aside from the occasional hare or weasel in a while, and he worried what that meant for their survival during the winter. They were without a territory now; he had failed his family in more ways than one, and moving everyone from the creek and just been the start of their downfall. Now he had to live with the fact that more than half of his family was dead because of his reckless decision. He had already been living with guilt over one thing or the other, but this was different. He was supposed to keep his family safe and he had let them down in the worst way possible. If it weren't for the family that survived and the fact that they needed him, he wasn't sure he would keep fighting to live, but he refused to fail them too for whatever good it did; maybe they would be better without him. 

He tracked the faint scent of vole through the evergreen trees, deeming his hunt a failure when he realized he could no longer pinpoint where the creature had gone. His too thin and perpetually hungry body protested his continued use of dwindling energy with a painful reminder of how empty his stomach was and how sore his muscles had become, but he began to search for something else anyway.

the sea brought nothing but worry. the days that he had spent trailing the coastline and searching for remnants of the world that he had left behind had produced little more than devastated land and the scent of death that was carried briskly on each passing gust of wind. the closer that his lean frame had traveled toward the towering stone walls of the sound, the more he had been filled with dread. when he had seen the shoreline in disarray, he had shifted his course and ventured inland – there was no direction that lured him on.
 
the scents seemed different to him, as though they had changed in the span of several centuries, and yet he had not been far from them for more than four months or more. still, the teekon wilds were almost new to the wandering ghost.
 
were it not for the figure ahead of him that drew his eye, illidan would have believed that he had stumbled into a strange other dimension. instead, he saw the towering height of kavik and the memorable warmth of his green gaze. it was like staring into a time turner. “k-kavik?” the wayward son spoke in a gruff, strangled voice. he was not even sure that this would reach the other man. he was not even sure if kavik was truly there.

The voice that uttered his name was not familiar but the scent that traveled on the breeze was—painfully so. Illidan. Kavik froze, lifting his head from where he had been inspecting the ground. He looked different, older of course. All these things that had changed in his life had kept him anxious and occupied, and he was ashamed to not remember the last time Illidan had entered his thoughts. So many questions swarmed his mind then; he wanted to know where he had settled, how he had been, what he was doing now. But he didn't want to bombard him. Kavik stepped forward, slowly closing the distance between them until he stood before the man he still considered family. Illidan, he replied gently. He was having trouble deciding what to say next. He was feeling so many things at once that he wasn't sure where to start. How have you been? he decided to ask next. He hoped he had been well. Memories of the conversation he witnessed between Illidan and his mother that day at the Plateau came flooding back, reminding Kavik of everything the other man had been through while he was still so young, and he prayed that he had been able to finally find some peace.

even when his own name was spoken by the large male, the ghost did not seem to register that he was being addressed. the question that followed was left without an answer. how was the young man supposed to summarize his life since he had last seen kavik? there was really nothing pleasant that had taken place. the few things that had been positive had swiftly been stolen away from him by the cruel hand of fate.
 
the desolate expression on his face should have been sign enough that there was something wrong internally. illidan drew his gaze upward and latched his eyes with the green of kavik’s. a plume of breath slipped into the air; the sound of his quiet sigh was almost deafening compared to the silence. “where did you go? i looked for you… the plateau was-“ he stopped himself from talking further. there was anger in his voice. the plateau had been abandoned when illidan had last sought to visit kavik and liri. their scents had been faded away.

Silence was the response to his question, followed by a miserable look that painfully squeezed Kavik's heart. It hurt to see that look on his face just as much as seeing it on any of his biological children. But that's what Illidan had been to him—a son. He didn't really understand the the bond while he had it but now, looking back with the eyes that had watched children grown and then die, he understood. And so the next question was like a punch to the gut. The thought of Illidan returning to the deserted plateau looking for him and finding nothing was more than he could bear. The plateau was just the start of all the ways he would fail the ones he loved and was supposed to protect. I'm sorry, he murmured, guilt tightening his chest. Our numbers got too low, and an invasion of coyotes forced us from the plateau, he explained. He hated thinking about the loss of his first home, but he owed Illidan the truth. We settled at a creek in the valley to the east, and I was there until recently. The mountains were falling apart around us though, and we had to leave again. He couldn't continue the story, the loss of his family still too fresh and far too painful to talk about. He should have gone back—done something to find Illidan and let him know. But he had failed him too apparently.

i apologize for the delay <33

it took several moments for kavik’s words to register with the ragged young man. they had lost too many numbers and been forced to vacate their home. this was quick to make him feel as though he had been the reason for their bad fortune. illidan knew that he had left them as soon as his birth mother had arrived. he had not thought much of it, at the time, but guilt was a fickle creature and it had made a comfortable home within his heart.
 
all of that and still kavik stood strong. the scents that clung to his coat were no longer familiar. this caused illidan’s brow to furrow with confusion. “liri?” he asked, almost choking on her name. the fear that she had died along the way was clawing at the back of his throat, violent and thirsty. he had heard she’d been ill – the wolves from the sanctuary pack had informed him of this – but he had assumed she had made it out well enough.
 
“why… didn’t you call out? i would have come. i would have helped…”

no apology necessary <3
and thank you for my kudos!!

He released a heavy sigh, closing his eyes and shaking his head. It was only natural that he would ask about his former mate. She went missing during the attack, and I was unable to find her. Afterwards, I settled at the creek with some of the former plateau members. He didn't want to tell him the rest; there was still so much shame associated with his decision, although he wouldn't change it. He would never wish his children hadn't happened. By the time she found me again, I had pups on the way...with someone else. He shook his head again. It was a mistake made out of grief, but one I don't regret even with all of the problems it caused me. None of it mattered once my children were born. Talking about them always intensified his misery, but he wouldn't keep anything from Illidan. 

I'm sorry, he murmured. Everything happened so fast, and I had no idea where you had gone with your mother. He searched Illidan's face, his own expression pained. But I meant what I said the last time we spoke: you're always welcome wherever I am. If you need somewhere to stay, my daughter and I are temporarily camped at the small mountain to the north of here near the coast. Kavik had no idea what brought him here, but he could tell he was troubled by something.

<33

the words that were issued from the man seemed so strange to illidan – so foreign. he didn’t understand portions of it. his head felt like it was sinking into the sea and he was catching his last glimpse of sunlight just above the lapping water. liri had disappeared after the attack. kavik had found a home elsewhere and had even managed to sire children with another woman in the time before she had returned. his heart seized in his chest and he turned away from the dark male, clenching his jaw tightly enough to feel his teeth grind.
 
“how old?” he asked hoarsely of the man. “how old is your daughter?”
 
when the hawkish yellow of his vision turned back toward kavik, they were almost lifeless. it didn’t seem to matter to the ghost where they were staying, at least not anymore. illidan was not sure why he had held onto the image of kavik and liri for so long. the image of them together just as he remembered when they’d taken him in. it was a fool’s picture – the thoughts that only a child would have. they did not belong in his head.

He watched Illidan closely, searching his face for the condemnation he knew he deserved. He didn't see it though; instead he was met with a question about his daughter. He cleared his throat a little. She was born in march, so just shy of a year, he offered, Her name is Lainie. He studied Illidan a moment before continuing. Are you still with your mother? he asked gently. He couldn't smell the scent of pack on him, and he wondered why. And, Grezig...are you still with her too? Kavik hated the idea of him being alone in the world again. If that was the case, he wondered if he could convince him to come back with him. He didn't mention it again, though, not wanting to overwhelm him. Instead, he waited quietly for Illidan to answer his questions, hoping that he would say he was still with them and had a pack to return to for the winter.