Neverwinter Forest if you looked at my life

being vague!
assuming this happens post-s*icide attempt.
attn: @Caerus or @Hotaru (your pick!)

she was nearly inconsolable, finding it difficult to clean her own face between sobs. what had she done wrong, to be left so alone? it felt unfair, like there was some grander cosmic scheme playing out with her ultimate misfortune as its end goal.

yana wiped a muddy paw against her snout with a frustrated snort, then stood to leave the evidence of her sadness behind.

The pale girl had done a lot of wandering lately. These woods were so dark, so different, it was easy to get lost. The light that filtered in through the thick canopy was still something she struggled to adjust to and it made differentiating landmarks difficult. She could have asked one of her guardians to show her around, but frankly, she wanted to do it herself. At least now she had no responsibilities to shoulder, free to explore without wasting time or harming the pack with her absence.

What she couldn't see at first though, she could hear. The sniffling and slap of paws as someone else traveled nearby. Was it Haruki again? It would be foolish of her to believe that he wasn't affected by their parents' deaths too, but to catch him crying twice now after never seeing him cry... Hotaru wasn't sure what to think, but she was still his sister and if he needed her she would go. Following the sounds, she came across the scent path, though it wasn't her brother she recognized. It was that girl.

Hotaru's steps faltered as she caught sight of the other. She wasn't exactly very enthusiastic about her or her brother's joining. Seeing her was probably the last thing she wanted right now but...she was upset about something. Mal mentioned that it had been hard for everyone lately and Liliana mentioned also missing someone... A pout pulled at her lips as she debated her options, but ultimately squeaked out a response, Uhm— hey...you ok?

orphan, liliana barked. she turned away from hotaru to finish wiping away her tears, then added: i’m fine. it would have been an obvious lie, but she had too much pride to admit how she felt, and how much those feelings had been impacted by the siblings’ joining.

still, she had to acknowledge this kindness. thanks for asking, liliana said, that’s nice of you. hotaru had a purer spirit than yana, a fact which did not help quiet her hatred.

"orphan"

The label caused her ears to press back against her skull in an instant, a moment of pain shooting through her as the other girl turned away. It was hopeful to believe that maybe Liliana was having a bad day when she and Haruki joined, but now the chances of her actually befriending the other seemed to plummet. She couldn't stop the frown that tugged at her lips, but she stayed quiet long enough for the other to finish.

A glimmer of hope, no matter how fleeting as she thanked her, but it was still all for show. No you're not— Hotaru's abruptness surprised even herself as she quickly cast her eyes away, a warmth growing in her cheeks. People don't cry over nothing... Even if it was small...something was upsetting her. She wasn't exactly fond of crying either but...admittedly it felt a little better when it was over. Even when nothing changed, it was just a bit more bearable. It's ok y'know...it's supposed to be good or...something.

yana wished that she could turn away and ignore hotaru’s words, but she knew that it wouldn’t make her feel any better. she paused, then turned toward her company, deciding that maybe it was better they talk about this openly.

a small snarl teased at her lips, contrasted by the neutral wag of her tail. why would this be good? liliana asked, nothing about you being here is good. her voice grew hoarse as her throat began to tighten, another round of tears beginning to form in her eyes.

she brought the two of you here to replace me and my brother. did she tell you about him? yana waited an honest moment for hotaru to answer. miriam abandoned both of us, then found the two of you wherever you were thinking that maybe she could be a better mom the second time around. hey, guess what? she can’t.

the hysterics were beginning again, so liliana thought that she should clarify: i’m crying because i’m pissed off, okay? not because i’m sad. she tried to kill herself as a final scapegoat, because having to acknowledge her mistakes just sucks too fucking much, i guess.

Anddd back to no hope. She was crying about her and Haruki being here? Had they really been lured back so Miriam could replace her kids? That didn't seem right, she still referred to Liliana as her daughter and even wanted them to be friends. I know you're missing a boy...she said it was her son, but I haven't seen him. I've kept my eye out...when I still lived in the mountains. The other girl only seemed to grow more unstable, from snarls to shaking tears, it made her uncomfortable. She didn't want her to be mad at her, she didn't want to hurt her either.

Hesitantly, the pale girl took a step back, just to keep some distance between them but also allow the other girl some room to breathe. I-I don't think she's trying to replace you...I don't want a new mom anyway... No one would replace Reiko and she didn't want someone to try. They would never be her family, friendly sure, but not what she once had. Why would she try to...why do you think she doesn't love you? She hadn't know the woman for long, but it seemed like she deeply cared for her. Hotaru recalled their meeting at the borders, when Miriam begged for her daughter's attention, but was only shut down by Mal.

I don't really know anything, I know. It's not my place to dig, but...why do you hate her? How did she abandon you? Right now she seems to be dying for your attention? Literally. Hotaru wasn't sure how to process that information. She wasn't familiar with wolves...killing themselves. Only bad people killed, it didn't really make sense...

hotaru seemed genuine enough, but liliana still wasn’t backing down; her defenses remained charged. looking for asmoses didn’t mean anything if he hadn’t been found, and that meant that hotaru really had nothing to offer.

it doesn’t matter, yana argued, she’s basically adopted you. this wasn’t true, given the circumstances, but it seemed close enough. are you deaf? i told you, she abandoned us.

hotaru mustn’t have been very bright with her repetition of the same question. it began to annoy liliana, evident in a firm stomp of her foot. why are you asking me this? yana demanded, why don’t you ask her? then again, when was miriam ever honest?

Out of habit, the pale girl shook her head to respond, the same as she would to an adult who had asked her a question when they were still speaking. I heard you...that's why I asked how she abandoned you. She's still here, isn't she? Abandoned means she's gone. At least to her knowledge that's what it meant. Liliana didn't really seem abandoned, just...angry.

I dunno...I feel weird talking to adults 'n you were already here so I thought maybe I could just...get your perspective? I don't really know anyone here so I can't trust what everyone says yet. Well, technically that was wrong she still had Haruki and she trusted him, but everyone else was a stranger.

no, that’s what disappeared means, liliana argued, abandoned means she left me. she was hardly here for months; doesn’t that count? miriam hadn’t always been this way, and had actually been an ideal figure for most of the twins’ childhood. trauma, however, kept her daughter from remembering the good parts.

yana could feel herself beginning to calm down, but that only served to further irritate her. she mocked hotaru, saying, your life is probably more messed up than mine anyway. you can entertain yourself with sad stories instead of prying into my life. it was unfair to be so cruel, which she knew very well, but she couldn’t stop herself after starting.

she began to walk away, but turned back to hear what hotaru was saying. you don’t know me either, liliana pointed out with a half-grin, and i don’t know why you would want to know me, given that i don’t really want to know you.

feel free to archive!

In all honesty, she wasn't sure if hardly there counted for abandoned. To her, it meant that someone had left, and they did not come back. In some part, she felt like Lilitu may have abandoned her... she never said goodbye at the very least. Obviously, if her family left she couldn't just...stay. If the tables were turned, there was a good chance she too would go, but she would have at least said something before leaving the vale.

A lot of wolves abandoned the Empire...or maybe she abandoned it. Would they come back only to find their Empress had left? Had she not been in her own head, the pale girl would have shaken her head. She knew that her home was gone, at least for now. Partially due to her lack of knowledge in leading and the rest to the dispersal of their members. But she came back right? That should count for something? It means that there is still a part of her that cares for you.

Hotaru couldn't help but bite her lip as the grey dusted girl spat out her retort. She couldn't compare her life to her, she barely knew her, but there was no denying that she had seen more than she wished she had. I don't mean to pry...we could talk about something else—! But Liliana had already turned, determined to end this conversation and get away from her. She wasn't sure why she had tried either. There were other pups here right? Why try and fight for a friendship with someone who didn't like her before she even spoke? 

She knew the answer deep down. She missed her friends, and there was part of Liliana that reminded her of Lilitu. They kinda looked similar, and their names were also close, but unlike Lilitu, Liliana only seemed to fight her attempts. There was no attempt at kindness made in return, just a void of what could have been. Hotaru swallowed a lump in her throat, ears flattening against her skull after the other girl had looked away. I don't know anyone else... The words were but a whisper, not meant for Liliana's ears.

When she was younger, Hotaru had always been shy, and even now she still struggled to leave her shell, but it wasn't because she didn't want to. Compared to her siblings, she was soft-spoken and passive. She wasn't one to take the initiative to start something, but she'd happily follow. Though, now that she had been thrust somewhere entirely unfamiliar with only her brother to lean on, silence wasn't something she could rely on unless she truly wanted to be alone for the rest of her days. Even so, this appeared to now be a dead end. The pale girl's shoulders slumped as she let out a sigh, before turning to take her own leave.