Arrow Lake you're my guard, my guide, you're my life i confide in

congrats on 400!

blodreina had not expected their paths to cross again when they'd left that cave but she couldn't say that she wasn't glad that they had. her surprise that he was there on diaspora's borders was a pleasant one. thank you, blodreina murmurs to aure, watching as the pale sylph moves away before her attention returns to imrathil in time to hear him begin with an apology. her brow furrows in response. don't be. i'm not. while it was true that she'd never wanted children — hadn't even really considered it — in light of everything that had happened directly before and after, it wasn't at the top of her list of 'things she'd never expected to happen'. not by a long shot. she'd ran through the emotional gamut of how she felt about it several times but never really straying to one extreme or the other ...but she thinks that perhaps she can't find the joy that a to-be-mother who'd always dreamed of children might feel. then again, it was scary and coupled as it was with being in a foreign pack in a foreign culture with the looming label of natrona probably circling over her head didn't ease any of her uncertainty or fears.

but she hadn't come this far, she hadn't made her choices all revolving around the life that grew within her womb to let fear stop her. maybe, she's considered, motherhood would become her better than she'd thought. she's changed, some. she can see it in herself though whether it's emotions, hormones the knowledge that she would become a mother, or heda's suicide and her decision to leave the only home she'd ever known ...blodreina isn't sure. perhaps it is all of the above.

his compliment touches her and she ducks her head, looking away for a few moments. it was the first time she's even been called beautiful ( that she & phi can recall ) and she isn't quite sure what she's meant to do with it. thank you. she accepts it humbly even if she doesn't always feel beautiful. there's nothing to forgive you for, imrathil. i was a willing participant and —, she draws in a deep breath, shifting her weight ...which felt like it was mostly the babes weight these days. i don't regret any of it. she tells him candidly.

are you going to stay? she asks then, apropos ( admittedly a bit late ) to aure's mention of calling for the leaders. another question burns at the tip of her tongue: that what his joining might mean for them and their children. she'd resolved herself to being a mother alone despite how it might've made her look to the diaspora kru but if he wanted to be apart of their lives, if he wanted to help then she wasn't going to chase him away.