Wheeling Gull Isle ding dong, the dragon's not dead

any suspicions he'd had of @Tzila's condition at the recent gathering had been confirmed within the past few days. she was carrying children. his children. the thought was, to put simply, alarming. he wasn't ready to be a father, and as such had actively avoided the truth that was right in front of him. maybe if he didn't look at her then any sign of life inside of her would just disappear?

unfortunately reality didn't quite work that way.

he knew there was no escaping the consequences of his actions. there would be children, whether he was ready for them or not. at the very least he knew he couldn't go on ignoring his friend any longer and so sent up a howl requesting a moment of her time. they should talk. no, they needed to talk.

Knowing the truth and unable to hide from it any longer, Tzila took it upon herself to steal away to the cave known as Rizhao's Temple. She had never been inside before, but she knew where it was located. Her nerves were fried, tangled knots coiled tightly in her stomach. She wasn't ready for this. Trying to slip away, unnoticed somewhere cool and dark, seemed like the only reasonable course of action to her, right now.

As she neared the gaping entrance on the hillside, Astaroth's call filled the air. Her skin prickled with goosebumps, and not in a good way. She only quickened her steps, squeezing her eyes shut. He's mad at me, mad at me... It's all ruined... The dreadful thoughts echoed in her skull, against which her ears were pinned. She had noticed him the other day, when Hua's pups were introduced. How he refused to look at her. That had been the only cue she needed from him. She wouldn't be chastised...not now. She needed to be alone. A silent blip of a shadow, she whisked by and into darkness.

there came no response, so he waited and waited but she never showed. a salmon pick tongue slipped out to nervously lick at his lips as he moved to go look for her. he called out again, this time more desperate than the first, but continued on his path towards where her scent lay strongest.

it took time but he eventually tracked her down to the mouth of a cave. "tzila?", he called out as he took a few step forward and let the shadows envelop him, voice echoing off the cavern walls. he knew she was here, now he just needed to find her.

She heard his howl again. He must really be set on finding her. All she could think of were the worst possible outcomes. Inside the cave, the familiar comfort of the shadows engulfed her. The air temperature had cooled considerably, taking the edge of the heat off her skin. Ahead of her, the path opened up to a grand pool of the purest blue she had ever seen. Had it not been for her mood, she would have sucked in a breath of awe.

His voice called to her, closer now. He was inside, caught up. She stopped dead in her tracks, letting one front paw hang suspended mid-air. A tentative glance over her shoulder had silver eyes searching for him. She debated on answering and sulking forward. The latter won out. Quickly, stealthily, like a cat who didn't want to be seen, she skirted round to the edge of the pool. But with nowhere else to go, she hunkered down and waited for him, head low. The picture of shame.

the cave led to nothing more than a dead end and jaw-dropping pool of crystal blue. the naturalist in him wanted to stop and stare, to taste and feel if the water here was any different than the ocean that surrounded them. but he knew now was not the time, and so choose to save his admiration for another day.

instead his focus fell to the poorly hidden figure of his friend. "you know, i'm not very good at hide-and-seek, but i think you might be worse", he teased with a quiet laugh as he slid back on inky haunches. he wait a moment to see if she would rise from her position before he lifted a paw to tap at the spot next to him. "please come out. i promise i won't bite."

"I could be if I wanted to..." Her voice was soft, quiet when she spoke this time. Not its usual tone. Heeding his plea, Tzila emerged from hiding. As she did, it was easy to see what she meant, as the inky shadows all but clung to her equally dark frame.

Though relieved that he did not sound angry or upset, Tzila kept her guard up. Not that she feared him or what he might do. In fact, there was no other wolf (except maybe Hua) who she trusted more. It was her own nerves, the boiling churn in her stomach, that made her approach in a very un-Tzi like fashion. Ears back, body low to the ground, almost at a crawl. Mutely, she took a spot beside him, eyes downcast. She just...didn't want this to be ruined. To come all undone.

he'd managed to coax her from her hiding spot and to his side, a small victory in his mind if there ever was one. both knew what this discussion was going to be about, and so he saw no need to beat around the bush.

"i hear you're eating for two now?", he asked despite having seen the obvious signs firsthand. he wanted to hear her say it for himself. wanted to make sure he wasn't imagining it or that his mind was somehow playing tricks on him.

Sitting by his side, Tzila refused to lift her head to look him in the eyes. She was expecting a lecture to come at any minute, but instead, he asked a question. Yes, he was indeed aware of the changes going through her body, which would ultimately affect their lives.

Sighing, her shoulders sagged. "Yes...it's not just me anymore." Her voice wavered. She kept her eyes on the mesmerizing blue water of the pool in front of her. Self- consciously, she shifted her legs closer together, in a futile little attempt to hide the thinning hairs on her belly.

she refused to look at him and it left a sour taste in the back of his mouth. he wasn't angry, he was scared. in all his life he'd never felt pressured to be good enough for anyone other than himself, but his children were different. he wanted to be more than good for them and right now with everything he was going through, he wasn't sure he could be.

"i'm not going to lie, i'm scared of being a father." the last thing he wanted to do was put up false bravery in front of her. he was terrified, but he wasn't afraid to admit that. "i knew i always wanted to be a dad. always wanted to have a family, i just...didn't think it was going to happen so soon."

It wasn't just him. She was scared too. Scared out of her mind. Worried sick that she wouldn't be a good parent. Worried that she wasn't ready for this huge responsibility that would change both their lives forever. But hearing him utter the very same thoughts that echoed in her mind, did give her comfort in that she was not alone.

That was enough to prompt her to look up at him, finally. Her ears were flattened, silver eyes resting on his cheek, rather than his golden gaze. "I'm scared too. Terrified, in fact." She returned in a small voice. "If you asked me a few months ago, kids were the furthest thing from my mind." Tzila swallowed thickly, her throat feeling dry, like sand paper. "I was always used to being free, not tied down to any commitments. And...I think I'm scared of losing that most of all."

where his words had comforted her, her words in turn had comforted him. her last fear echoed his own, for he was beyond worried that having children would tie him down and break his freedom. in some ways it would for he was determined to accept responsibility for his actions and face his fears, but it certainly brought him some relief to know he wouldn't have to do this alone.

"i'm scared of all that too, but i think the thing i'm afraid of most is the fact that i'm just not ready to be father. not mentally or emotionally." hell, depending on who you asked, some might say that astaroth was still a kid himself. he hadn't even reached his second year in life yet and was now facing the revelation that he would forever hold some type of responsibility for his future children. that's some hard shit to swallow right there.

She drew in a breath and let it out in a shaky sigh, her back muscles tensing visibly as she did so. She felt lost in this situation, even though she was far from alone with Astaroth. She was confused and didn't know what to do. "Believe me, I know exactly how you feel. I have serious doubts if I'd even be a decent mother..." Tzila was young too, but also not that much older than him. The fact remained that they would still be first time parents. Parents, who up until now, knew nothing but the easy life and freedom.

A dreadful thought then, entered the forefront of her mind. Her features grew serious but still retained that petrified look. She glanced down to her belly, barely yet swollen. "...You know, it is still early. We might have...options." She breathed, daring to let the words slip from her tongue. Would he understand what she was implying? Would he really want it, if he was as un-prepared as he said he was?

whether or not they'd make good parents could only be discovered in time, though given her last choice in words, perhaps they would not even come to hold such a title. he had to admit it was tempting to take her offer and run with it. she didn't seem opposed to the idea, and in truth, neither was he.

"it's your body, so the choice you make on how to deal with the children you're carrying is ultimately up to you." he would not be the one to carry them during pregnancy nor would he be the one to nurse them during their first few weeks in life. tzila was automatically giving up more than he ever would with this pregnancy, so he could not fault her for thinking of possible alternatives, especially not after having admitted their fears so openly to each other.

She snapped her head up to look at him, eyes wide. "B-but it...they are a part of you too!" She insisted. Yes, his point was a solid one. But it took two to forge new life. It was her sole responsibility to carry and bear their young, should she choose to. It was her body that would feel the effects. If she didn't want the little lives that now surely were forming inside her, Tzila could put an end to that.

Only it wasn't so simple. The woman who had once lived and thrived in the Nightwalkers would have done so without a second thought, and not a wisp of regret. But she was not that person anymore. Now she paused, stopped and thought. Searched deep within her heart. Her voice wavered. "I'm...I'm not so sure I can. Maybe in the past but not now. Not with who I am trying to be..." She stood up then, padding around to face him, looking him in his eyes earnestly. "But Asta.." Was this the first time she dubbed him with a shortened version of his name? Maybe it was out of affection, or emotion. "If you don't want anything to do with them...with them to be a burden to you, then I understand." Her silver eyes held a moist sheen to them, yet no tears. "I won't hold you back if it's freedom you want. I can raise them on my own..." She was giving him a choice. An out. It was his to take or to deny.

a part of him should feel some guilt for thinking of the alternative choices, but he didn't. they were young, inexperienced, scared, and had their whole lives ahead of them. as far as he was concerned all options were on the table, and he would support her with whatever decision she'd make. with that being said it sounded as if her mind was made up, so any further ideas he had on ways to avoid the pregnancy were immediately tossed aside and mentally burned.  

the nickname, which thus far had been solely reserved for family, caught him off guard. he supposed in a way it was fitting she'd called him such, especially considering she was now as much apart of his family as any other relative was. "they're not going to be a burden to me, and there's no way in hell i'm going to let you do this alone", he answered back as he stared into glossy eyes threatening to spill over with tears. she'd said it herself - they were as much his kids as they were hers, and he would share in all the challenges and responsibilities that came with them.

Once again, Tzila tore her eyes away from his own. Though her mind was made up, it was as if she was still deeply conflicted about the predicament she had gotten themselves into. She seemed ready to place all of the blame on herself, to bear the burden of the consequences alone. Like she was looking at this matter as if it were just another screw up on her long list of mistakes in life.

"But...as much as I appreciate that, I want you to be happy. And if it means not being tied down by fatherhood..." Her toes flexed back and forth, as one's fists would during a tense situation. She was fighting her way through this, while against her ribcage, her heart beat a thousand miles a minute. "What would make you happy, Asta?" She pressed, a little more firmly this time. "Going back to the way things were, before all this? Finding what was her name, Ying? Traveling and seeing the wilds?" Tzila was misguided in that anything but parenthood would have him content. From her perspective, it seemed like something he didn't want. Not now.

she wanted him to be happy. he wanted himself to be happy too, but he knew adjusting back to his fun-loving cheerful self would take time and healing. "i love ying, and i love traveling...," he began, not bothering to hide his emotions or feelings. his affection for ying had never been a secret on his end of things, and wouldn't start trying to hide it now just to avoid awkward conversations or hurt feelings.  

"...but that doesn't mean i'd rather trade that life for this life." parenthood was going to be a challenge, but it was a challenge he had no intention of running from and leaving tzila behind to face on her own.

Tzila was quiet for a moment, absorbing what he had said. Processing it. Her face was a blank slate; there was no telling what was going on behind those silver eyes of hers. Then finally. "I didn't realize it was like that." She returned, keeping the emotion out of her voice, referring to his feelings to Ying. The travel part she knew, she had learned about it early on.

This was feeling more and more like a mistake with each passing minute. But could she admit it? "So then, where do we go from here?" Tzila caved and now allowed some of her emotions to seep through the cracks. "Does this mean our fling was just that, a fling? Without meaning?" Painful as it was to say, she was used to always being second best. Being usurped in some way or another. She toned back the slightly biting edge to her voice, steeling him with a firm look. "I may have come to Yuèlóng for change...to see if I could be better. But I also wanted to stay with you." There, she said it, laid it out in the open.

he wasn't sure what reaction he was expecting, but a stoic one was not on the list. it was not his intention to make things more difficult, if anything, telling the truth was supposed to make things easier. but that brick wall she put up was starting to crack, and emotions were beginning to leak out like water in a broken dam.

"it meant something to me." tzila was a cherished friend before their coupling, which meant in one way or another, it meant more to him than any other fling with a random stranger. it hadn't been about the pleasure with her, it had been about the comfort of knowing someone he cared about was still here with him. "wanted?" had she changed her mind? "i'd like to stay with you too, and raise our children together. here, there, anywhere you want, but i want us to do it together."

He confirmed that their coupling was not meaningless. It made her feel better, if only a tiny bit. When it had happened, she was blinded by lustful instinct. She had tried to ward off his advances, to offer him comfort instead. In the end it had proved too much and under the influence of her heat, Tzila had given in. Since then, and especially today, at this moment, she was realizing she was starting to see Astaroth as more than a friend.

"It did to me too. It still does." She admitted, feelings of hurt and guilt seeping into her voice. "I want that too. I don't want these children to be without their father. I...want to do this together." She was trying to make a point, trying to figure out just the right way to convey it. But she kept holding back, afraid. A wave of nausea overcame her, making her shudder. More likely not from the pregnancy itself, but her nerves. She looked at him and took a tentative step closer. Ah the hell with it. "I never really put any thought into it before, but now..." Her eyes averted, away from his. "...if it were anyone's pups I wanted to have, it would be yours."

his feelings for tzila were complicated and complex. he understood he cared about her, might even come to say he loves her eventually, but he knew his feelings for her were different in the way he felt about ying. to be fair, his feelings about his runaway best friend were complicated on their own as well.

her last few words brought a smile to his features, and leaned close so that he might rest against her side should she let him. "i'm glad you're going to be their mom." it was hard for him to imagine anyone else being the mother to his children when he hadn't even thought about having kids up until about a week ago. "we're going to have some pretty epic kids, don't you think?"

Tzila was a complicated person. Her feelings towards Astaroth were strong, but she wasn't at the point where she was head over heels for him. She had never loved anyone before and doing so would never come easy. She wasn't ready to be tied down, but she did not want to be left in the dust, forgotten either. Letting things play out on their own, seemed like her most ideal option now. Who knows what would unfold.

"T-thanks...I'm glad you feel that way." She was still tense, still an emotional roller coaster. She just wondered if said feelings would change, if by some slim chance his long-lost friend miraculously appeared again. The thought was fleeting and she let him rest against her, in turn grazing her nose along his shoulder. "I would certainly hope so! But still, I'm scared." Another more pressing thought entered her mind. They couldn't hide her state forever and it would be wrong of her to keep it from Hua, who so far had been nothing short of generous. "We need to tell Hua about this. I don't think she knows..."

ah yes, the inevitable. they would have to tell hua eventually, and he'd honestly prefer sooner rather than later in case the empress rejected their children or forced them to leave. if it came down to it, he'd do what was necessary for the survival of his own young, regardless of who or what stood in his way.

"i'll tell her." he had things he'd like to discuss with her anyways, and so simply added on mentioning he was going to be a father to the list of things to talk about. he hoped for everyone's sake things would go smoothly when the truth came out, but he knew reality was not always so kind.

Swallowing, she licked her lips which were suddenly feeling dry. She nodded, gone mute for a minute. Dozens of thoughts were racing in her head. Countless possibilities...outcomes of what might be, when Astaroth broke the news to Hua. But unlike with her pregnancy, Tzila did not feel an overwhelming sense of worry. She was a strong-willed woman who did things on her own terms. She cared what others thought, but only to a point. Hua's opinion in the end really wasn't what mattered. She only felt obligated that the Empress know, out of respect and kindness.

Rejection or not, she would do whatever it took to ensure the survival of the children, unborn but still very much alive in her womb. Together, she and Astaroth had created them. A legacy. A future, one that she hoped deep down, would be long lived. "Thank you. She deserves to know." She closed her eyes, moving close to rest her forehead against his chest. "Everyone here...you...her...they've been so kind. These children...I just know they will be well loved."