I dream of Polar night

ooc: backdated to the end of November and beginng of December.

Osprey had thought that after few days rest she would be able to bid goodbyes to this pack and head back home, however, fate had something different in mind for her. First it had taken two weeks before the bad headache had receded, as well as the pain in her body, second - she was weak, having eaten very little since her arrival. It would have been nothing, because she was tough and experienced enough to go through long periods of no food, yet now she had this inner feeling - if she left at this very moment, her chances of survival were very low. It was quite a distance from here to Blacktail deer plateau.

And the third issue had emerged just recently - she had attempted to cross the borders to do a little wandering around as she was used to - but hadn't been able to. The further her path took away from the safe confines, the harder her heart was beating, the more panicked she had grown, until she had been unable to take her fear under control. Osprey had run straight back, feeling very ashamed of her fear. Admitting failure was a very hard thing to do. As the days went on, her homesickness grew and she often found herself taking the path that would lead her back home, but always stopping at the last moment, as if there was an invisible wall she was unable to cross.

Tonight she was lying awake near her den, her head between her paws, while her eyes were observing the stars and she herself wondering, if her packmates missed her just as much as she was missing them.

Charon didn't usually make a habit out of wandering out in the middle of the night, but he had been mesmerised looking at the stars that night and he'd ended up wandering away. Lately, it felt like the only thing that Charon lived for was making Levi feel comfortable, ever since the disappearance of their sister; Levi and Charon only had each other left now. Charon had heard of the temporary guest that the pack had, but he hadn't actually seen her yet. He didn't really understand where she had come from, because his world did not really expand beyond his pack in his short life thus far.

As he wandered around in thought, staring at the sky, Charon realised that he wasn't entirely sure where he had gone. He noticed there was a wolf laying about staring at the skies not far from where he stood. The boy stretched out his neck to sniff the air, but could find nothing off; she smelled enough of Ragnar and Thistle for him not to worry.

Charon padded up to the female, cautiously holding his head and tail low. " 's your Ma there too?" the pup asked her, because she had so fervently been staring up at the stars. He didn't really remember when he had gotten the idea that his mother was up in the stars, but he liked the idea because it meant that she was always watching over him, no matter where he was. He liked the thought she was still out there, somewhere, watching over him.

Osprey's father Aether had been a master at reading stars - for a very long time his daughter had been convinced, that the stars had been actually speaking to him, whispering their secrets in a language only he could understand. She had not been successful at learning and over the time her interest from the shiny objects in the sky turned to chasing her dreams and ideas, forming them into stories.

Did she believe that spirits of her ancestors found place among stars? She didn't know that - during the years she had heard so many tales and beliefs of the afterlife, that she didn't know, what to believe in anymore. For some, thinking that their loved ones thrived somewhere may be soothing, Osprey thought that this prevented them from moving on. She thought of her deceased mother now and then, but she had accepted the idea that she wasn't here and that it was very likely that she wasn't anywhere else either.

Therefore, when she heard the child's voice asking about her mother, making her snap out of her sad thoughts and look up at him, she didn't have an answer. She didn't know. But would it be fair to tell the kid? "Is yours there?" she asked him, wondering, why would he have such a question, when he surely was one of the white beast's kin.

Charon watched as the female looked at him and, instead of answering his question, fired another question right back at him. He tilted his head and said, "You din't answer my question.", though there was no indignancy in his voice that betrayed he really needed the answer. He noticed that adults did this more often, when they would ask you a question rather than answer yours.

Then Charon answered, "Yes." He looked up at the stars. There were loads of them there, so many wolves must've died and gone to the stars. "I dunno which one tho." But it didn't really matter, he supposed. He liked the thought that she was out there somewhere, watching over him.

Charon looked at Osprey with a sad expression on his face that mirrored how he felt when thinking of his lost family. "I miss Ma," he confided in her as he looked at her face through watery, emotional eyes, searching for eye contact and, most of all, sympathy, his bottom lip a little wobbly.

The knowledge that the little fellow wasn't of Thistle's and Ragnar's brood was a little surprising, but Osprey didn't delve any further than that. She had spent quite a lot of time in the world to realize that not all people lived according the same model of life. This was different from what she had been used to, but as long as the kid was cared for and looked after, it proved that the system was working.

"My mom..." she began and paused, trying to find a way, how to explain it properly. Telling him that she had died - would it be of any value? "... she is not here in this world anymore either . Except, I don't know, where she went." Would turning into a star be enough for March Owl? She doubted it. Her personality and ego cramped up in one, small and shiny dot?

Having always been surrounded by a large family, Osprey had no idea, what it felt like to be left alone. Yet the kids sad expression had such a powerful effect on her, that she suddenly felt ashamed of all things she had considered as problems in her life. This was small and insignificant compared to this kid, who had lost his mother at early age.

"Hey," she got to her feet, closed the distance between them and leaned down to nuzzle the fur on his nape tenderly. "I am sure that she misses you too," she said for the lack of anything better to say.

Charon was confused when the female told him that her mother was not here anymore either, because if she was dead, then surely she would also have gone to the sky to be a star? He did not linger on his confusion too long nor did he ask her about it, soon absorbed by his own sadness. He looked up at her with his sad eyes as she came a bit closer. When she touched him he flinched at first, but then relaxed as he realised she was only trying to comfort him.

As the female nuzzled him and said that his mother surely missed him too, Charon closed his eyes a moment and clenched his jaw, trying to be tough and not show his sadness too much under the comforting touch.

Suddenly Charon asked, "Why was you lookin' at the stars?" He thought that she must have lost someone dear to her and hoped to be close to them by looking at the stars, but now it turned out that wasn't right. If there was no one she knew up there, why did she value their company so much?

"Me?" Osprey repeated, turning her head away from the little kid and looking up again. She didn't have a good answer for that. There were some things you simply did out of the joy of doing. There was no real point in that. Was she looking for someone among the stars? Maybe it would have been easier if she had had the same belief as the kid - that her parents and other deceased family members were up there. Looking down at them, listening and sometimes replying.

"My pack lives far away," she explained, deciding to be honest to him. "I miss them dearly, but I can't return to them now... and I looked at the stars, hoping that maybe one of them sees them too. It's silly," she said bashfully looking away.

The female seemed surprised that Charon would ask her why she was watching the stars. He didn't think it was very strange, considering she was looking up at them even though she did not think that her mother was up there. She explained that her pack lived far away, and when she did Charon wrinkled his nose in confusion. Her pack? She smelled of Ragnar, like others that lived here, but they never mentioned being part of a different pack. She even said that she missed them but that she could not go to them, which further confused Charon.

"In't your pack here?" he suggested, clearly confused. Then, as an afterthought, the speckled boy added, "Why's you here if you wanna see 'em?" He didn't fully understand all that happened to her, and wondered about where her pack was if it wasn't here. He knew there were Others that came to the borders occasionally, but he always thought that if and when wolves were inside the pack, they were no longer Others, but became pack members.

"I guess you are right," Osprey admitted, surprised by the keenness of the child. For she had stayed here long enough to lose the specific scent of the plateau and merge with the common scent of the bay. Even if she didn't feel like it, she had become part of this pack in a way. It was a pity that rather than getting to know the people, who lived here, better, she had kept to herself, feeling sad and alone.

"It's hard to explain, but I have this..." she briefly looked up, trying to think of a way to express her irrational fear better. "... this invisible wall I can't cross. I am too afraid." Osprey finished and, since she didn't want to be questioned on this any further, she tossed a question to the kid: "Is there anything you are afraid of?"

The female said that Charon was right, but still she continued on about her other pack. Charon wondered about the specifics of why she was here, because he didn't really understand that if she was part of this pack, why she was also part of a different pack. He understood little of what went on outside of the borders of his pack, as he had never crossed them, and was keen to learn more. It seemed like the female did not feel like sharing more muchly though, for when she finished speaking of the invisible wall she could not cross, and Charon's mind once more filled with many questions, she immediately asked him a question.

Charon was so busy asking questions and being nosy about the pack's visitor that he was caught off-guard when she asked him a question too. "Never," Charon instantly replied, because he didn't want to admit to being afraid of things. Then, after considering a moment, he quietly added, "Losing Levi." He didn't really like admitting to being afraid of things, but Charon was terrified that someone would take Levi away, too, who was the only family that Charon had left now that Liyaní had been taken away from him too.

Never. The way the kid said it brought smile to Osprey's lips, as she briefly recalled her own childhood memories. From this point of view it was hard for her to imagine herself being as small as this cub was now. Except the fact that the world had shrunk, while she had stayed esentially the same. Had there been a point in life, where she had not had any fear at all? Maybe, when she had still been very young, when her knowledge of the world stopped at the doorstep of the den she had been sharing of her family. After that curiosity and fear came hand in hand.

"Who is Levi?" Osprey asked, once again feeling bad for her lack of knowledge about the wolves of this pack.

Charon had forgotten that the female was pretty new here. He supposed that he had assumed Ragnar would have told her about himself and Levi, so it surprised him that nothing had been told about himself and his brother. "Levi's my brother," Charon explained. After a short silence he added, "That means you dunno who I am too?" He did not leave too long for her to answer the question, but quickly added, "'m Charon!", saying it as if it was some sort of prized title rather than his name that he was reciting.

Even though no further questions had been asked about Levi, Charon began to explain, "Me 'n Levi had a sib, uhm, sibbins, Kevlyn 'n Liyaní, but a huuuuuge dragon came an' ate 'em." Charon looked at the female with sadness shimmering in his eyes — because even though he was making up a story about their disappearance, he still was sad that they were taken — trying to gauge her response to the story.

"Charon... my name is Osprey," she introduced herself, remembering that she hadn't done this in the first place, "it's nice to meet you!" It turned out that this fellow had siblings - three of them in total - and Levi was Charon's brother. She was not sure about the genders of Kevlyn and Liyani, because names were foreign, but she decided not to ask anything. The sorrow was evident in the kid's voice and she didn't want to drive the dagger deeper - so to say - where the wound was still hurting.

Dragons on the other hand were a more comfortable topic for Osprey. She had been familiar with them (the tales and myths about them, if we want to be exact) since early childhood. "I have met some dragons in my life - they all have been scary, proud, but rather decent folk. They like to steal things, but eat... that is something new to me," she mused out loud. "Have you ever met other dragons? Besides this nasty and vile one?"

Charon just wagged his tail as a sort of mutual agreement that it was nice to meet Osprey, too, when she shared her name. He hadn't yet heard a name like Osprey before, and it sounded kind of funny, but Charon did not ask about her name as he was soon distracted towards the sadness at the loss of his family members when the conversation diverted towards such matters.

Charon had not actually ever met any dragons, so he wondered if Osprey had heard of them. He wondered if they were real for some time after Mordred told him about them, because he could not imagine such giant beings flying in the skies; if they were still around, then surely he would have noticed them by now, some time. However, now that Osprey said that she had met dragons too, Charon began to believe his own story more and more, and felt sort of angry at the dragon that had eaten his siblings, even if it didn't really exist; maybe because it was easier being angry at something than at nothing, when you didn't know what had actually taken your family away from you.

When Osprey asked him if he had met other dragons, Charon hesitated. It would be a little boring if he admitted that he had never met any other dragons, and it might also make his other story seem less plausible. Distracted from the grief talking about his siblings brought, Charon nodded and said, "Yeah! One steal—uhm—stoled my tail once. But I was tiny so I couln't fight it so Da bited the dragon! So it dropped my tail so I got it back again." Eagerly he watched Osprey to make sure that she was liking the story as he told it to her. When he finished, the grief was washed off his face, his mind diverted from Kevlyn and Liyaní, instead turned to happy, though fictional, memories of his father.

"A tail stealing one - oh my goodness," Osprey sighed and smiled. Now this area possessed some nasty creatures. As kids her brothers had been eager to slay every dragon that came their way, while Osprey was more interested in hearing their stories. Who cared, if a dragon stole a princess or a prince (because they always got rescued at the end of every tale), if you had a chance to have glimpse in their vast knowledge about the world and time? Therefore she had always met and invented nice and smart dragons. Sly and sneaky sometimes, but never violent.

"Have you heard about the story dragon?" she asked the kid, tilting her head to the side and eyeing him with interest.

Charon was excited that Osprey liked his story about the tail-stealing dragon. It was strange how there was a sense of pride instilled in the pup's heart in his father, even though the story wasn't true. Sometimes it was just easier pretending that a made-up story was true rather than facing reality.

As Osprey asked him about the story dragon, Charon's first incentive was to say 'yes' or ''course', but after opening his mouth and nodding enthusiastically he swallowed both those words and instead resorted to shaking his head and saying a let-down "... no..." Because if he lied about knowing about the story dragon, then Osprey probably wouldn't tell him about it, seeing as he already knew it. "You gonna tell me 'bout it..?" asked Charon hopefully, because if she wasn't going to tell than there was little use in him telling the truth about not knowing the story dragon.

ooc: inspired by another writer's story.

Osprey didn't need to be told twice - she was ready to tell a story at any time of day. Maybe not, when woken up at three o'clock in the morning - then she usually was very cranky and grumpy and had no tolerance for anything. Want to see Osprey lose her patience and go for someone's throat (metaphorically) - wake her up at this unusual hour. However - this fact was irrelevant to the story itself. She lied down so that she could be in the same level as Charon was, thought for a little while and then began to speak.

"It was a warm summer's evening - you will see plenty of those in your life - I had returned from a hunt, tired and sleepy, I lied down in the lush grass. The sun was shining, the smells of the plants, earth and resin of the pine-trees were very strong. I began to doze off, when suddenly I felt the ground beneath me move slightly, but rythmically and, when I put my ear to the ground, I could hear a slow, but strong beating sound. Needless to say that I felt surprised - the ground beneath me was alive," part of her wished that it was summer again and the other part of her wondered, how very odd it was to realize, that this kid before her had never witnessed it himself.

"I got up to my feet and observed the area around me carefully, until my gaze stopped by a little hill - or rather, what appeared to be one. I approached it slowly and believe it or not, all of a sudden I was facing a sleeping dragon. It was hard to tell, where he "ended" and the earth began, because he was covered by the grass and plants, roots of the small bushes and ground itself - they were just as much a part of him as the dragon was part of this particular place. His breath was slow, but I could feel it as a light breeze around me."

"His eyes were closed, but he probably somehow felt that I was present, because he opened them and they were in a color of the setting sun, burning the sky above it, before disappearing behind the horizon. These eyes spoke of wisdom and kindness. They were warm and welcoming and I suddenly got a feeling that I have known him all my life. "Be greeted, stranger," he said in a low voice. I stood perplexed for a moment, but then I returned his greetings: "Greetings, dragon."

Osprey made a pause to gather her thoughts on how to go on with the story. In case Charon had any questions, he was free to ask them.

Charon listened intently as Osprey began to tell him the story about the story dragon. He couldn't really imagine what warm summer evenings were like, as he had never experienced summer, but when he thought of warm evenings he thought of being huddled up with Levi and other wolves in a den, feeling their body warmth add a comfortable blanket over him. It was probably something like that and, since Osprey was telling the story, Charon didn't want to interupt her to ask silly questions like what summers were or to tell him more about them. He'd smelled plenty of plants, but he hadn't really found that any of them smelled really nice, so he thought it was silly that it was part of the story, unaware that blooming plants gave off more scent than the plants he had seen so far this autumn and winter.

He listened as Osprey told about the part where the dragon was part of the lands. He imagined what it would be like if a giant winged lizard would open its eyes just as you were staring at it. Pretty scary, he imagined.

When Osprey paused, Charon just looked at her inquisitively. It was evident in his expression that Charon was listening intently, and that he wanted Osprey to continue the story without interuption; if he had any questions left later, he might ask them, but for now he just wanted to hear the rest of the story. He wondered if he would ever meet a dragon like the one from the story for real.

While talking Osprey observed the kid's expression and liked, what she saw. Not all stories she came up with were good - sometimes she could sense that the other party was either not interested or they lost it somewhere in the tale. At those moments it was not easy to keep going on. She sincerely believed that every story - good or bad - needed to be finished. So she always brought one to an end, even if there was no audience left.

But this was not the case with Charon. She had managed to catch her interest. "There was silence between us for a moment and then he said to me - "Grass takes everything away." Needless to say - I felt perplexed, because out of all things I had imagined him to say, this was the very least of them. "What do you mean?" I asked him," she paused briefly, thinking that this probably was not a question a heroine would ask in a regular tale. She would probably know, what the dragon had meant by it.

"The dragon went on: "Once I was strong and mighty, I owned lands vast and wide, I had treasures and people feared me..." At this point I sat down and listened to him carefully. "But this is gone now... people have lost faith in the old tales and here I am... lying in the grass, while it takes everything away," he sighed - to me it felt like a gust of wind. "But why are you here? Why aren't you... going around like in the old days?" I inquired him, but something told me that these weren't the right questions to ask.

"The world changes, dear child," the dragon replied. "Once there was a time, when people's lives were entwined with those of the stories. They believed in spirits, they knew the secrets of finding a dragon's well of treasures. The witch was not feared but respected. The devil wasn't vile or evil - rich and silly - yes, but good in his heart. At those times the dwarves voices could be heard in the forests and fairies danced and sang in the moonlight. But people move on and old tales die..."

"Are you a tale too?" I asked him, but he just smiled at me cryptically and didn't say anything. "You know, I have wings, I can still fly," he told me. "Do you want to go for a ride?" he asked me. I nodded. He got to his feet - the earth shook a little, but otherwise there was no sound. He spread his wings and I climbed up on his back. The next moment he flew high in the air and I could see everything from above.

"The creatures from the old stories have almost faded away... just as the memory of them disappears from people's minds," he told me, while we flew over a vast forest. I could see deer moving through it and a family of wolves preparing for a hunt. "One by one we become grass," he repeated and I thought that I had finally understood. "Yet the tales still live... there are loners seeking purpose in the world, there are those that never settle... there are people, who would do just fine with a bit of fairy luck. There are those, who seek wonders in life and have never enough of them..."

"The tales remain, yet the creatures that made them complete, have become grass," he said. "Where do you wish me to take you?" he asked. "I don't know, wherever the path leads," I told him, amazed by the sight that I had. "Very well," he said and soared through the clouds faster and faster until suddenly I felt that he lost his strength... we were going down to the ground at a very high speed and I feared for my life. But in vain... I landed in soft, lush grass. As I looked for the dragon, I couldn't see it, yet in the passing gust of wind I heard his voice telling me: "Just look, how grass takes everything away..." Osprey finished.

Charon listened to the remainder of the story. He didn't really understand why the dragon would say that grass took everything, but he figured that the rest of the story would explain this to him, so he listened. He felt a pang of envy as Osprey told him that she had actually flown on top of a dragon's back and had seen the world from above. Charon wondered if he would one day be able to see the world from above as he rode a dragon's back, the brisk air blowing in his face.

When Osprey told about how we all became grass, Charon was thoroughly confused. He didn't really understand a lot of the story, being young and not understanding much of the world yet. He didn't really understand how anyone would become grass at some point, but didn't ask, wanting to listen to the story instead of interupting it with questions.

At the end of the story, Charon had only one question left. "Where... Where'd the dragon go?" The confusion was evident from his voice as he spoke and looked at Osprey inquisitively. Osprey had been there when the story took place, so she had to know what had happened, exactly, to the dragon.

Osprey fought the urge to tell the true metaphor of the grass, because just moments ago they had agreed that his and her moms were up in the sky. With the stars. Telling that there was part of the body that remained on the Earth and became the actual grass after a while, would only complicate things further and she didn't wish that. Charon was too young and there would be a time, when he would understand. Now was not the time to shatter his fragile illusion about his mother.

"You see... for an old dragon as him it is very important that he is believed in," she explained him slowly. "Kids - like you can see them, but, when people grow up they lose this ability to see. Because they don't believe that dragons exist. And the less there are those, who keep him alive with the stories, the more he fades away," Osprey knew that her well-meant simple explanation had become very complicated at this point. "Therefore - in order to stay alive, he becomes part of earth, part of grass. And if he is not found, not seen, not woken, he forgets that he is a dragon himself."

Charon cupped his ears forward as he listened to Osprey explain. She said something about how dragons stop existing when there is no one left to believe in them. Charon nodded, though he thought it was a very strange notion that something, someone, could disappear if no one believed in them. Did that mean that if everybody forgot about him, that he would cease to exist and would become part of the big nothingness, just like the dragon in the story? And if he decided to stop existing, could he just let grass grow over him and disappear, too?

In order to stay alive, the dragon needed to become part of the grass so that he would not be seen, but that was also what made him disappear. Feeling even more confused now, Charon asked, “Why would he wanna forget he’s a dragon?” he asked Osprey, and looked at her curiously. He hoped that the answer would be clarifying this time, rather than more puzzling like last time.

Children had their own way of reasoning and sometimes their conclusions were brief and simple - they managed to say a complicated idea in few words of wisdom. Charon had got the point - unbeknownst to him - it was that our existence depended not only on us, but on other people too. If they forgot about you, you stopped to be. A very lonely soul in the world was still there, but invisible to everyone else.

"He can't help it - he is very old and doesn't get any younger. He forgets things," she told him, hoping that this would be easier for him to understand. "This happens to old people and they need to be reminded themselves from time to time - about who they are and what they can do," she said.

Charon was thoroughly confused by the story, though he was glad that at least Osprey was answering his questions. He wondered if the dragon was just old and had gone away, like his mother (except she wasn't old when she died). He knew that sometimes happened to old wolves, too. "Oh, okay," said Charon, even though he still had many questions about the story, but he decided to let it all sink in. He didn't know before Osprey's story that there were good dragons too, since he had mostly heard that they were terrifying and giant and scary. It was new to him that there were friendly ones as well.

Suddenly feeling tired, Charon let out a long yawn. "Think I'mma sleep now," he mumbled. After a brief pause, he added hesitantly, "You gonna come walk me home?" He didn't realise it himself, but it was the first time he called Thistle and Ragnar's den 'home'. He looked questioningly at Osprey, hoping that she would, because after all the talk of dragons, Charon had gotten a little afraid of the dark night and travelling through it alone.

"Sure!" Osprey agreed, getting up to her feet and only then realizing that she didn't know exactly, where Ragnar's den was. She gave a brief look down at the kid - then at some point off in the darkness, figuring that Charon's scent shouldn't have faded away from his tracks by now. He had come here just recently.

"Shall we..." she didn't finish the sentence, when a loud screeching noise in the vicinity made her freeze and then spring around - her eyes searching the darkness frantically. It was a long time ago, when Osprey had believed in the existence of the bogeyman, but at this time of night everything could be possible. "Let's go," she told the kid and shook her coat to forget the fear she had felt moments ago.