Lion Head Mesa redlands

charmion was — he did not know. his health ignored and silently set aside. the red sand became pale and it felt as if watching life be sapped from all.

yet still he worked himself to the bone. still he learned all he could to the benefit of @Neith and her continued growth. which meant he must be ears to all. even if he feared what he might hear, feared if others might hear himself.

he cleaned near the spacious areas of meeting. the palace had swelled with bodies and life. these places were walked more now than they had been in weeks!

a dew claw, catching and breaking — his discomfort a rushing gasp of air from him.

he had endured much worse and yet it felt like his first taste of pain all over again.

He would not have felt the warm care of her red gaze on his back, but he would the drape of golden arms as they arrange just so over the lean coyote shoulders.

“You are hurt, my beloved one!” She holds the tampered wrist up for inspection and gasps at the image of leaking crimson!

Without thought she brings the small wound to her lips, pressing a healing kiss gently into the fur as her mother used to when she was a wee girl.

Eyes slowly lift to take in his emeralds, suddenly flushing. If she touched her own paw to his— if she bent her lips for his kiss—

what happens then?

the world is spinning.

no, only his vision. for he knows this voice and the golden arms that cradle him belong to someone who should never have to do such. her heart is too big, too pure. he wonders what man will ruin it. he wonders if it will be her own blood who will do such first.

what did she mean for him? truly?

Amiirad, his voice a strong whisper. listen to me as a queen does her vizier — he is clutching her, but it is not for warmth or to shrink the space already much too small between them. don't.

“But… I love you!” Tears!

Was it inappropriate? Was it wrong? Love was not a word just murmured in her family, but celebrated.  She wanted to proclaim it, as mother did so many of her own servants!

Oh, but even She does not know Charmion! Not in the true ways Neith does!

The princess drops his arm like it’s scorched her, but the glossy eyes are wide with questions she trusted him to answer.

it was all terribly wrong.

he was wounded be her dropping his arm that still pulsed with pain. he was disarmed by her proclamation.

how long have you sat upon such a thought? it cannot be more than a breath, he thinks. he did not mean to belittle feelings but he needs her to see this for what it is — or that there is confusion between things meant.

and perhaps it was his own survival he sought now. unable to imagine what a father — or even brother — might think if he heard his daughter proclaiming such to what was meant to still be just a fellahin.

She stares incredulously and still with a want to try to understand. “What does that matter, Charmion?” 

She knew so little, only what she was feeling in the moment. Hurt, embarrassed, and hopelessly smitten.

“I hate the way you’re looking at me!” An exclamation then, half to hide the building tears. Did he not feel it back? Did he not love her?

Oh, but this whole time! They were devoted to one another!

it matters because you are Amiirad and divine and — a girl. a girl given the power of a God from birth and he realizes suddenly that surely that must cause confusion. more than he would know how to ever explain away.

he cannot raise his voice to match her flooding emotion. lest he make her weep, lest he too feel a guilt so terrible. and you may have any feelings under Ra's light, Divine One, but you cannot yell love for me in halls.

and he is softening even as he feels his pulse where dew claw ripped.

we are devoted. surely she would not protest this! he means to settle her heart and whatever it looked for in the wrong place. but do you not remember when you asked me for discreetness, Amiirad?

he feels too big for the title of fellahin now, to be here questioning and redirecting this.

Amiirad and divine. Of course! But should it part them, when a servants’ mortal life is spent in devotion to his Queen? Merneith did not understand why she could freely love father and mother, and Satakh and her brothers and Auntie T— but not him! Her most loyal fellahin!

“Yes, I remember,” the golden crown nods slowly, brows heavy with innocent incomprehension.

royal and divine — just a girl.

he sees it in the way she answered him so delicately and did not make demands or protests.

your love is special, Amiirad. it is a thing to be treasured and not given so freely. it is a blessing, a treasure rarer than any earthly thing. he hopes that she takes this to heart. to guard herself in those moments when others aren't there to do so for her. if i am meant to be only fellahin to all others, then jealousy will grow towards me. anger, even, perhaps..

a father might find his head a fancy decoration for this kind of thing.

do you see what i mean to say, Divine One?