Deep in the heart of a never-knowing

@Blue Willow - very, very long thread challenge

It was a day after Blue Willow had given birth to the plateau's third litter and Osprey's joy for her friend hadn't faded away. Quite the contrary - she had spent her night thinking about the two boys and the girl, who were now nothing more than tiny little helpless bundles of fur, but who would grow up quickly in the days to come. She tried to imagine, what could they look like, what their characters would be like, what the fate had in mind for them. It had seemed a frightening prospect of promising Willow to become the guardian of her kids, just in case something happened, now Osprey thought a little differently. Now she wanted to be their fairy godmother. And if she had it in her power - she would wish them an easier and happier life than it had been for Peregrine's kids.

Osprey had wanted to visit Willow with a gift, but her hunt had been unsuccessful and she had given up after spending several hours and having several failed attempts. Oh well... hoping that Lasher and Dante and the rest of the pack were more successful in providing for the new mother, she found her way to the Willow's den and announced her arrival with a quiet woof.

Blue had been momentarily disappointed that she hadn't seen more of Osprey in the days past. But she realized this was entirely unfair of her. After all, Osprey was just coming back after being wounded and gaining her way back to the daily grind. Blue herself did not think much further ahead than the present at the moment.

She was far to exhausted with the round the clock feedings, and the grooming. She worried of Casmir constantly as he was such a tiny fellow, but thus far he seemed to be growing rapidly and he was hearty. So for a moment she stopped to think on what her babes maybe like as they grew. Would Eilidh be more of one of the boys? Or would she grow up feminine and girly with two brothers to cater to her. Would Constantine grow and dominate as the oldest or would one of the others take that mantle from his shoulders. Would they be good and kind as they grew, or spoiled and bratty as Junior and Saena could sometimes be. So many questions with no answers went round about her head.

At the quiet woof Blue's head raised and she smiled. Wagging her tail she chuffed back and spoke softly. Come on in Osprey come see them. Then she waited with quiet joy and watched the den mouth with excitement. Happy to share her little ones with one of her best friends.

Osprey recalled that mothers of newly born kids tended to be overly-protective - a good friend could be a vicious beast for weeks. So, while she waited for Willow's response, she reminded herself that the possibility of her best friend possibly going for her throat, shouldn't be taken personally. It would certainly not be pleasant, but she would probably get out of the situation alive and could have a visit (and another try) another day.

However, Blue's welcoming voice was all reassuring she needed to walk in the den without any fear of being ripped apart. The air there was warm and thick of smells. It took a little time to getting used to it, as well as to the darkness, but she quickly caught the sight of Willow and the tiny shapes of puppies. "How are you doing?" Osprey asked, taking the freedom to lie down on the ground.

Protectiveness definitely reared its ugly head, but Blue felt that she would be okay as long as those coming would mind their manners. She had reminded Saena the other day the same thing, and she hadn't meant it cruelly. She had been merely reminding her that she could snap for no good reason other than she was a mother. It was hard sometimes to really explain one's instincts and she hoped if Saena ever had children she would remember that.

Had Blue actually went after Osprey she would have felt terrible. Not because she had done it, but rather because of who she had done it too. In place of Peregrine, Osprey was pretty much Blue's best friend. Well actually Lasher, Dante Osprey were pretty much tied. She loved all three so very much. As she thought of that a fierce longing broke into her soul, for both Atticus and Peregrine for different reasons. But it was sharp and painful.

Blue smiled and tilted her head I am good, tired but good. Blue wasn't sure if Osprey had known the babies names. She couldn't remember much from the den of their birth, with exhaustion rearing it's head so soon after they were born. The big fellow is Constantine Julien, the little girl is Eilidh Aria and the smallest boy and twin to Constantine is Casmir Llewellyn. They all carry Lasher's last name of Mayfair. What do you think? She wagged her tail gently behind her happy and content.

Truth to be told, Osprey couldn't see much from the kids because of the darkness - they all seemed pretty much the same to her, except for the girl's considerably lighter coat that stood out among her brothers. The names were foreign, a bit complicated, but original nonetheless. She felt glad that despite their friendship, Willow hadn't named any of the kids in honor of her friend. Any of her friends, in fact. Now the kids had their own path set up for them and they could live up for their names as they wished.

"They sound like royalties," she replied honestly, wondering, what kind of cultural background Lasher had. It could explain the meaning behind the names too. But remembering, how reluctantly he had spoken of his past, Osprey realized that she wouldn't find it out, even if she dared to ask. "So, what you have in plan for them - who will be the heir to the throne? Who will hold the knowledge of the sacred scrolls of wisdom? Who will be the fearless warrior?" she inquired smiling.

Blue was far too excited to realize at the moment that it was so dark. Had she been paying more attention despite her excitement she would have known that. Blue smiled down at the little ones. She would not argue that their names were foreign and complicated, but they were from both sides hers and his. Blue smiled again as she looked down at them.

Blue chuckled I hadn't though of it like that but you are right. Constantine and Casmir and Aria's middle name come from my background, more so my fathers. And Eilidh, Llewellyn, and Julien come from Lasher's. I believe once they are older he will also be teaching them the language from his homeland, I think it will be nice for them.

Blue laughed though she tried to keep it quiet. Blue spoke softly I hadn't thought of it, though i imagine Eilidh will be a pampered princess being the only girl. So she would be the heir to the throne. Constantine is a lanky boy so perhaps he will be the fearless warrior and Casmir perhaps he will have the keys to knowledge. What do you think? and what are they going to learn from their aunt osprey?

Osprey had sort of expected either of the boys being entitled "the heirs" and the girl being the pretty princess, meant to be married to a faraway lands. That would be the true spirit of traditional fairy-tales. It seemed that Blue had a different opinion about this - which was good - men had ruled the world alone for far too long.

"If Constantine and Casimir are the traditional names of your side of the family, how come you ended up being Blue Willow?" Osprey asked feeling genuine curiousity. But - when you come to think of it - her own family members were named after different customs - some of them bore the Greek names, others were named after birds of prey and the third group were "the miscellaneous" - she had never figured out, what Custard, Koontz and Nevs meant. They seemed totally random and she didn't think that March Owl had given much of a second thought of these ones.

"I will be the fairy godmother that has come for a visit," she said in response to Blue willow's question. "I can give blessings. Say, Eilidh - grow beautiful, kind and fair in nature. Constantine, you will be strong and fast. You will win many battles, be feared by your enemies, but respected. And Casmir - the smallest one - you might not grow up to be the strongest or tallest, yet your mind will be the one of envy and wonder. I bless you with wisdom and knowledge of how to use it for the greater good."

Blue in truth did not plan for any of her children to be heirs to the throne. As after all that was a gift and duty for those children that hopefully Dante would have some day. As he was the alpha male.

Blue chuckled, My parents didn't give us traditional names. I merely chose names to honor my father in the only way I could without giving away his name. I miss him, he was my best friend for the first years of my life. Her parents had merely picked names that they liked for them. She was Blue Willow, her brothers Aris and Alec their children all had crazy names.

Blue smiled at her friends. oh a fairy godmother, they are always the best. She listened as Osprey bestowed blessings on her babies. Thank you on behalf of them. And i'm sure they'll grow up just like that, with their aunt Osprey's help of course. I wish Peregrine could see them too. She grew quiet and nudged them gently, licking their heads softly and smiling. I'm glad you are here Osprey. I was so worried about you.

Osprey wasn't so sure, if she wanted Peregrine to be here and witness this, but she reprimanded herself for these thoughts imediately. This was old and hurt feelings talking, not the actual situation. After their last encounter, which hadn't ended that well mostly on behalf of her, she feared to face him again. What could she say to make things alright between them again? As it had been once? Because the ease they had once been able to communicate with, the deep mutual understanding had been lost at some point.

Blue willow brought her back from the moment of contemplation by telling that she had been worried about her friend. It took time for Osprey to understand, what she had been told. "But why? I am here, I am well - life is great," she objected.

Blue herself was torn as to why she wanted him here. At their last meeting he had hurt her badly to say the least. Granted perhaps she had deserved it, after all she had told him it was his fault that his daughter had tried to kill herself. And she imagined that no one would take that news very well. She imagined it was a way of life, to grow apart from those you loved, but she had never thought she'd lose her best friend in time.

Blue frowned and spoke softly Because I thought you were gone like Atticus and Crete and even Peregrine. That I would possibly never see you again. That you could be hurt and dying and I could do nothing ,because I had been selfish for once in my life. I thought maybe because I had been selfish, then I would have to have you taken away. Blue tilted her head to look down, she hadn't meant to voice so much, but it was the way of it. When she started talking she usually just let it all out. She had no regrets for her children, but she could not deny that her choice had been selfish. She had always wanted children and she finally had that dream.

When Blue willow explained her reasons, which Osprey had partly guessed already, she gave a very long and thoughtful look at her friend before giving an answer. She had hoped that now that the kids were born this silly sense of guilt for being selfish would have disappeared naturally. From the point Osprey was standing, there was nothing selfish in the act, neither were it in any kind bound to the fact that she had disappeared and reappeared again.

"Geez, Blue..." she sighed and rolled her eyes. "Sometimes you worry and think too much for your own good," she told her softly and smiled at her. "If the God had not wanted you to have children, then you wouldn't have had them. No matter, how selfish you had been. And I promised you that I would never leave for good without saying goodbye. So, even if I die somewhere alone, I will make sure to let you know... somehow..." she finished, realizing that this was a bit too morbid.

"As a pesky ghost - never leaving you alone and causing trouble and mayhem, wherever you go. Until... of course, you guessed, who am I," she chuckled at the very idea.

For the most part the guilt had left her. But ever so often, a twinge of it would hit and she would think on it. After all she had pledged her heart to Atticus, had swore she would wait for him, but then he had disappeared again. And yes she missed him, and yes she always would love him. However, he had moved a bit to make room for Lasher and her children too. It was weird feeling and the guilt was sometimes crushing.

Blue chuckled at her friend yes I suppose I do. Blue stared at her friend at the morbid and albeit strange change of topic. How on earth would she let her know she was dead? It wasn't as if she could come back, was it? I will work on it, if you promise to tell the truth when you are upset rather than cover it up with optimism? Not that optimism is bad and it's one thing I love so very much about you. But i would like to take care of you too when I can. Blue had noticed a few times that Osprey had covered up her words, there had been a pause or she had changed the subject, and Blue did not want her friend to feel that she couldn't tell her anything.

She laughed out loud at the next part. You will cause all kinds of problems. What if I pretend to not know just so you stay? I imagine I need a little bit upheaval in my life all in good fun of course. And I will do the same I will haunt you...though I don't know if I can cause mayhem.

ooc: This - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MF4KUECj-Ow - comes to my mind, when I see Osprey haunting Blue willow. :D

Osprey couldn't remember any recent events that she would have covered up and hadn't wanted to share with Blue willow. All the unhappy business was left in the past and even then... did she really act like that? It was hard to tell. She thought she wasn't prone to holding on grudges and bad stuff for too long (but it had proved that sometimes she did), so why the hiding? Had her friend deduced this from that one meeting, when she had announced that she was going to have children? If Osprey rememebered correctly, it was ok in the end. It was ok now.

"Yeah... you would be too good for that," Osprey was happy to jump to a less serious subject. "But - no, worries! That's why I would come to fetch you first, I would teach you everything and then just think about the amount of trouble we could cause togeher. Not a mayhem. A revolution! Anarchy!"

Haha it's cute

Blue had not seen her friend upset for long. But she did know that often even when she was upset for however short or long, she hid it behind optimism. And that was all well and good, but sometimes you needed to let loose the sad stuff too.

Blue chuckled We could haunt everyone at the plateau. I imagine Dante could use some of the shake up involved. She chuckled and tilted her head and moved so that the life would move back into her limbs. We could cause so much upheaval! Then perhaps we should haunt Peregrine, Yes i like that idea. SHe grinned wolfishly and happily.

Do you think this little ones will turn out okay? I fear that they won't? She knew it was time for funny things and jokes, but she couldn't help the misgivings that sometimes choked her. She thought of Saena and Pura and Ty and Junior, all of which had their own problems, and she hoped this would not happen to her own.

"Yeah, he surely would - sometimes I think that he is too serious for his own good," Osprey liked the idea of her and Blue willow as ghosts, haunting and making fun of all the friends and relatives left behind. Not in a nasty way though - just to make life for them a bit more interesting and mysterious all the same. It would be sad, however, that no one would be able to see them or even guess, who they were, until - of course - the haunted one would join the "haunters" (would that be the right term?).

"Perry would probably think of it as good joke. Maybe he would join us later," she mused, realizing suddenly that thinking about him didn't bring back sadness. There was a bit odd edge about how she felt about him, but in general nothing had changed. It was good to know that. "We should try out the haunting sometimes - just to be prepared, when we are ghosts?" she finished the subject and winked.

"Why would they turn out wrong?" Osprey didn't get Blue willow's question about her kids right away.

Blue smiled yes he is far too serious. And he doesn't have as much faith in himself as I would like. He's an amazing leader and friend. Blue remembered some of the conversations, some of his misgivings. But he was a good male, a good friend, a good leader. It was time he realized that about himself, she wouldn't mind seeing him finding a love either truthfully. To haunt those she loved, she smiled wondering at it. There was potential there for some crazy shenanigans.

Blue chuckled Yes he probably would the silly man. She laughed softly thinking of her best friend fondly. She missed him she realized missed him very much, and there was no anger there, only a deep deep loss. She laughed again at the next suggestion, Oh we could make it into a game for the babies wouldn't that be fun!

Blue shifted and looked down at the babies, Well we can't deny that the plateau has not had good turn out with babies. I mean Junior ran off, Ty ran off, Saena hates a good bit of the world, and Pura...Pura is just strange, sweet but strange.

Blue willow knew Dante both longer and more in detail so to say, but it didn't come as a total surprise that he didn't feel confident enough to have the crown. She wondered, why was it so - was it because of his past? That he didn't see himself as a leader material? Yet, how fate had turned out - the ones that were the most fit for leading had not wanted to have power at all.

"I think that first we would need to try this out away from them. Somewhere secret and quiet. You don't want to scare them too much or make fun of us later," she said, as if it was the most important thing in the world. "But a "ghoul" game would be a lot of fun for them. The big ghosts and their side-kicks - mini-ghosts."

"And you think that they turned out wrong?" Osprey was a bit at loss. Of course, Junior, Ty and Saena had had their share of disappointments in life - more than it was fair - but then again - did that mean that they were not okay? They were the way they were. With their good sides and flaws. "Blue, that's life. Life shapes us in the people we are. Your kids will grow up, they will have their ups and downs, but they will never be wrong. No person on Earth is ever wrong - just different from others."

Blue could come to the edges and bring up countless stories of those who were deserving of leadership. And all of them were at the bottom of the pile, the under dogs. She loved those kind of stories best, they coveted a very special place in her story tellers heart.

Blue smiled Oh yes it could be a bit like follow the leader, or wolfie says. She knew a bit of these games. Wolfie says was a game her mother had played with her. Wolfie would tell her to do something and if wolfie was not in front of it and you did it you lost. Follow the leader was always fun, but you had to be careful and keep a close eye on those following. Where would you like to try it out first?

Blue shook her head frowning, not she didn't think they were wrong. She had explained that badly and felt terrible for it. No I misspoke I apologize. She frowned trying to gather her thoughts. they are sad and unhappy. Children should be happy and go lucky and outgoing and adventurous. I feel as a whole that they are not wrong, but we did them a grievous wrong somehow. I don't know how, but we did someway. She sighed softly, she wasn't make any better sense than that. I'm sorry if it doesn't make much sense. I don't really know what to make of it and how to answer correctly.

"Location doesn't matter - we will find something that suits us. The plateau is a big place after all," Osprey shrugged. For this reason games were very convenient - you could play them anywhere and anytime. "Let's do that then, when kids are a little older?" she asked, trying to figure out when would that be exactly. Otherwise there would be no fun in a game if Blue would be constantly worried for her young.

"Blue, sad and unhappy are part of life. I had a fairly good childhood, but it also had it's ups and downs. Sometimes we can choose our fate, sometimes we can't. We have to take and go through, whatever life put's in our way, no matter, how hard it turns out to be. In the end - it makes us stronger," she told her. Yes, there were things and events that should have happened differently, but there was no point in regretting the past. There would not be a chance to change it in any way.

"My advice to you - don't waste your time worrying about things that might or might not happen. You will be there for your kids just as you are there for all of your friends."

Blue smiled softly Yes that it is She tilted her head forward To catch her friends words. She thought of the multitude of areas the children could hide and seek. The areas where they could search for bugs and all other types of little critters. Well I imagine that once they are a month old with guidance they could play. At a month they would almost be weaned and ready and eager to play.

Blue nodded her head I know i guess it just seems that they had more than they deserved. I imagine I am just being a worrisome mother as it is, but I can't help it. I think of all the bad things that could happen. As well as all the good, I just can't stop my mind from working on all these different scenarios.

Blue smiled and nudged her friend gently thank you Osprey that means a lot coming from you. She grew quiet in thought, but hummed once or twice softly under her breath content with all around her. So what shall they call you Aunt Osprey? I like that.

It just seems that they had more than they deserved. Osprey agreed to this, but saw no point in discussing this any further. As she had said before - there was no way they could change the past. They could only hope that after the very difficult first months, these kids would earn lifetime of happiness. If not 100%, then most of it at least.

"Enjoy them as they are," she told her, casting her glance down at the small puppies. It was hard to believe that they would grow up to be big wolves one day. "Like now - little, fluffy dumplings," she smiled at her friends. "They will grow up faster than you know it. In a week or two they won't be that helpless and you will have your paws full in keeping them away from wandering out of the den unnoticed."
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I'm sorry I took a few days to reply love the winter weather here in rural PA is wreaking havoc on my back...i feel like i've been sucker punched.

Blue didn't say anything more, she floundered around for a moment in her mind, trying to figure out how to speak on happier things. She did not wish to dwell on such sad things anymore. Children were a happy thing and here she was being a sulky suzy so to speak.

Blue chuckled and nodded her head. yes I believe I will have my hands full. They are already showing me some of their personalities, even as little as they are. I may even have to watch their Aunt Osprey. After all I can see you sneaking them off to have adventures and fun times. She laughed again and shifted to look down at the pups.

Her eyes grew thoughtful as she thought of the different adventures that her babies would have. She imagined everyone would take them off for adventures, they were going to be well loved. Or so she hoped anyway.

"Oh... believe me, I will kidnap them now and then," Osprey said, finding the prospect of taking Blue's kids of all kinds of trips and adventures as a very fascinating thing. Once again there was something she had to make up for missing seeing Peregrine's kids get out in the world. It would be hell of a responsibility too, but she was willing to take it. She would be four years old in less than a month after all. One couldn't be almost old and act like a carefree kid all the time.

"And you won't have to worry about it - you will be able to go out and have dates," she said with a lighthearted smile - she didn't imply anything. It just seemed that such a young girl as Willow (and for some reason Osprey thought that her friend was younger than her, even though it was only by two months) shouldn't whisk away a prospect of having fun outside her tight circle of family. "Forgive me asking - but what is your status with Lasher? Are you going to remain friends or I can hope that he is future-husband-to-be?" it was rare that Osprey got a chance to speak about purely girlish stuff and she hoped that Blue wouldn't mind or feel awkward.

ooc: two days is hardly a wait. :)

Blue chuckled enjoying her friends honest nature. And the thought of Osprey kidnapping them and teaching them all sort of adventures, it sat well with the black furred healer. She herself would need to take her duties back a little bit at a time, and it would be nice ot have others to spend some time with the babes, so that they were not alone to much, when older.

Blue chuckled at the thought of dates, who would she have dates with, besides Lasher and even she did not know if that would last. They were not mates in the traditional sense, of course she loved him. How could she not, he had given her a wonderful gift, and he was an amazing wolf. However, he was also not Atticus, nor was he traditional. She imagined he would take new lovers, both male and female and she found this didn't bother her as much as it would have once upon a time. Who was she to chain him down, when he was a free spirit, she would take what she could get.

The next question caused her pause. I...well he told me he loved me. I told him I did too and I do. I just...i don't know Osprey. I can never love as much as I loved Atticus, isn't it terrible. I am in love with someone who is possibly dead. I do love Lasher though, and I will gladly keep him as a lover and a friend, but I think he is not traditional in the sense to have that title. If he wants it I will gladly take him as a mate, but I think he will prefer to have his freedom and that is fine as well. I will take what I can get I suppose. Does that make me strange?

Not that long ago Osprey had discussed the pros and cons of arranged marriage, she remembered well, what she had said and how she had used Blue and Lasher as a good example that it worked. Yet now, hearing doubts in her friends voicie and realizing that, even though she loved and respected the father of the children as a friend, there was still a place in her heart that longed for more. How great and consuming a love must have been to leave such a lasting effect? Even after Willow had got, what she desired most in her life, it was not quite enough.

I will take what I can get I suppose. Does that make me strange? Did it? From the point Osprey was seeing this - not at all. She pitied her friend, who lacked the selfishness to ask, what she deserved in life. She would rather be fine with scraps from someone else's table. Conclusion - men and love made everything complicated. After a moment of silence, feeling like a total hypocrate, Osprey chose words that Blue needed to hear (in her opinion): "If the love you seek is not there - then I don't think you should force it. If Lasher wants to keep his freedom, then so should you. When kids are older - have a look around. There are more than one shots for true love in life."