<i>"Sometimes there is no darker place than our thoughts, the moonless midnight of the mind."</i>
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September 12, 2013, 08:35 PM
When Yildun questioned her about helping him, she nodded, momentarily forgetting that he couldn't see her. She watched him closely as he then hung his head in response to her question, apparently embarrassed. Koontz felt badly for making him feel this way, however inadvertently, and she listened with an open mind as he tried to explain.
Truly, she wondered if he perhaps heard voices in his head and simply attributed them to the unseen stars. Pondering this made the cogs in her brain spin rapidly, spooling out abstract thoughts, one of which she blurted: "What is your understanding of the stars? I mean, do you know what they are and what they look like?" There were many more questions crowding behind that one, yet she kept them in check for now.
Perhaps because she was thinking more quickly now, Koontz very belatedly realized her earlier faux pas. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Yildun. I nodded yes to your earlier question. Of course I can help. That's what I'm here for." She felt a strong twinge of guilt and shuffled her gray paws with an inward sigh.
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September 12, 2013, 09:10 PM
this used to be my playground
this used to be my childhood dream
this used to be the place i ran towhenever i was in need
of a friend
[size=3]why did it have to end[/size]
He obviously didn’t see her nod, but he heard the movement that she made when nodding. Yildun didn’t respond to it, though, because he was too busy feeling embarrassed about having brought up that he could hear the stars. Well, used to be able to hear the stars. The sightless young male did sometimes wonder if he would ever be able to hear them again, or if they had abandoned him for good. That thought kind of scared him, really.
Her questions made him stop thinking about the abandonment issue and focus on her instead. “Though I have never seen them in the way that you do, I do know what they look like,” was how he chose to begin his answer. “They are lights in the night sky, visible only when the sun is down and the sky is dark, though they can be visible when the moon is shining brightly. They are things of the night, and very, very, very far away.” Voices in his head? No, not likely, really. “My father was guided by the stars, too. I’ve been told that it comes naturally to me because of him.”
He’d almost entirely forgotten about his previous question and her having answered with a nod until she brought it up, giving him the answer he sought out loud. “Thank you,” he responded, giving a faint wag of his tail against the ground behind him. He was grateful that she was willing to help him because he really wasn’t sure how to go about talking to others and earning their trust, as well as respect.
<i>"Sometimes there is no darker place than our thoughts, the moonless midnight of the mind."</i>
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September 13, 2013, 08:08 AM
His response only bred more questions. Koontz listened to his words carefully and patiently, though as soon as he finished, she asked, "Have you been blind since birth?" When he confirmed this, she continued. "Just tell me if I'm being rude but... how do you understand the concepts you've just described? You used many words to describe visibility: lights, night, dark, shining, brightly..."
She paused, pursing her lips as she plumed her own thoughts. "It's just that I don't understand how it's possible for you to even begin to comprehend what any of those things means. I mean, how do you even know when it's day or night?" she pressed wonderingly. "Sighted wolves can tell the difference when their eyes are closed, because they can see the light shining through their eyelids. You don't even have that, do you?"
Just then, Koontz realized her curiosity had run away with her, that she was speaking rapidly and barely giving Yildun a chance to process one question before proceeding with the next one. "I'm sorry, I'm being incredibly rude. My apologies, Yildun," she said and then fell silent, her curiosity burning (brightly, she mused). She hoped he would try to answer her, as Koontz now felt much more interested—and invested—in the subject.
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September 13, 2013, 09:17 AM
this used to be my playground
this used to be my childhood dream
this used to be the place i ran towhenever i was in need
of a friend
[size=3]why did it have to end[/size]
The newest round of questions were not a surprise to him in the least. For those that didn’t know him, hadn’t been around him all his young life, were unaware of just how much he knew mostly from asking his own questions about anything and everything so that he could understand the things around him that he was unable to see. It was a whole different world for him. “I have been blind from birth,”, he answered, giving a slight nod of his head. Because this was so clearly a learning moment for Koontz, the sightless young male lifted his head and turned it toward her instead of keeping it turned away from her as he had been just moments before because of embarrassment but that was gone now with this chance to help her learn more about him that didn’t involve his being able to speak to the stars.
As she asked him how he knew when it was day or night, for the first time in months, a faint smile actually touched his silvery muzzle and his tail swayed a little bit behind him. “A change in the temperature is always indication of the changing from day and night,” he responded. Licking the end of his nose, he lifted it slightly higher for a moment before returning his head to the previous position. Sightless eyes were turned toward the pack leader. “The current change in temperature from between when I first laid here and now tells me that dark isn’t that far off. Though it isn’t dark right now, the light is starting to fade. Am I right?” he asked, giving a slight tilt of his head.
His tail gave a light thump against the ground behind him as he waited for her response to his question. “I have learned a lot about the things that I cannot see because I grew up asking questions about anything and everything, including what the stars in the sky look like,” he added, thinking about how it didn’t matter who it was that he asked his questions to and how everyone in the pack he’d been born into had readily answered his many, many questions that seemed to be never ending at that time. “I don’t think you’re being rude,” he assured her. “I really do understand your curiosity and don’t mind answering your questions in the least.”
<i>"Sometimes there is no darker place than our thoughts, the moonless midnight of the mind."</i>
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September 13, 2013, 09:35 AM
He explained that he used his other senses to interpret the difference between day and night. Yildun tried to illustrate his abilities by guessing the time of day. Koontz peered at the sky, then looked back toward him. "You're right," she told him, "and I think it's incredible that you can use your other senses to gauge the time of day." She paused, preparing to say something else, but then he spoke and she fell quiet, listening.
She processed his words, then shook her head lightly. "Pardon me, I'm going to be blunt. This just blows my mind, for lack of a better term." Koontz paused again, wondering how to word her thoughts, not because they were necessarily rude but because they were so abstractly conceptual. "Even if if you ask someone to tell you what a star looks like, how could that description possibly mean anything to you? You've never seen. You don't have a frame of reference for what anything looks like. Your world simply doesn't involve images, externally or internally. I can't help but wonder what it is you imagine a star to look like inside your mind..." Koontz mused.
"That begs so many other questions too," she continued after letting Yildun comment if he wished. "Like, how do you know what I look like? I don't mean just myself personally, but wolves in general. Or what a tree or a bush or a stick looks like. You can feel them, but how can you picture them in your head, with absolutely nothing visual for a reference...?
Yildun, I could think about this all day," she continued with a smile, understanding that he would hear it in her voice even though he couldn't see it. "You are a very intriguing individual. I hope that we can get to know one another not just so that you can find a duty within the pack but so that I can understand how you go about life in such a different way. I have a feeling you will only continue to blow my mind. As my mother always used to like to say, I have mad respect for you," she finished.
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September 13, 2013, 10:27 AM
omg I think Koontz is good for Yildun :O
this used to be my playground
this used to be my childhood dream
this used to be the place i ran towhenever i was in need
of a friend
[size=3]why did it have to end[/size]
His faint smile actually grew a little. It wasn’t a wide smile, but it was a little bigger than the faint one he’d been sporting. This was a huge thing for him, especially since he’d been living for months in such a depressed state that just the mere thought of smiling wasn’t something that even remotely crossed his mind. Maybe leaving home and ending up here really was going to be a good thing after all, especially if it was going to have the effect on him that it was having right now. Maybe, just maybe, Yildun would be able to reach a point where his depression would begin to disappear and he would be able to maybe move on with his life instead of being in a constant state of mourning. He had cried once since his father died, but only once.
“That’s where touch comes in,” he began to answer. Lifting himself to his paws, he hopped off the boulder that he’d been lying on. Reaching out with a front paw, he felt around until he was able to find a decent size rock. “I want to show you,” he said, turning his head in her direction. “I want to show you how someone once explained the stars to me. You will have to trust me, though.” His tail swayed lightly behind him and the small smile remained on his face. “Come over here and close your eyes.” He fell silent then, waiting to feel her beside him by the small rock that he still had a paw touching.
<i>"Sometimes there is no darker place than our thoughts, the moonless midnight of the mind."</i>
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September 13, 2013, 10:37 AM
+25 HEALTH BOOST! :-P
Belatedly, Koontz noticed the slight smile on Yildun's maw and waved her tail, pleased to see his otherwise drawn face lit up in such a way. When he stood up and bounded off his rock, she took a step backward to give him room, looking at him wonderingly. He had gone from sullen and withdrawn to chipper and animated in just a few moments. Did I have that effect on him? she wondered. Well, I'm just glad he doesn't feel I'm being incredibly rude.
"Okay," she agreed when he said he wanted to show her something. Koontz tilted her head and laughed lightly as she mused over the word show. "I trust you, Yildun," she said with easygoing confidence, moving nearer to him and closing her eyes as requested. "What now?" she asked, knowing that closing her eyes was not at all comparable to being blind, especially from birth, but nevertheless intrigued at what Yildun would "show" her.
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September 13, 2013, 10:49 AM
I am really digging this thread. Like seriously. And absolutely fascinated with the effect she seems to be having on his emotions and self-esteem <3
this used to be my playground
this used to be my childhood dream
this used to be the place i ran towhenever i was in need
of a friend
[size=3]why did it have to end[/size]
He hadn’t been anything but sullen, withdrawn and depressed for months. This was quite a change for him, but it was also something that he actually wasn’t thinking about. His thoughts revolved entirely around her questions and showing her how he viewed the world. Granted, he knew that he wouldn’t be able to get her to entirely see how it was for him because she would still be able to fall back on her sight. But, maybe, he would be able to help her get a better understanding of how it was like to be completely without sight.
He felt her coming up beside him but it was her words of trusting him that seemed to heighten his sense of worth, at least for in that very moment. “Reach out your front paw and touch the rock I know you saw me finding,” he told her, moving closer so that his side was against hers. He did this so that he could help guide her if needed. “Feel it with your paw and imagine never having seen one before.” He fell silent for a few moments to give her a chance to feel the rock. “Now imagine the sun’s warmth as light. And that light is surrounding the small rock. Imagine the coolness that comes with night being darkness. Imagine that cool darkness surrounding the warm, lighted rock.” There really was a point to this!
He waited for another couple of moments to give her a chance to try to imagine the things he was telling her to. His tail continued to sway behind him, and, surprisingly, the small smile remained on his face. “That is what I was taught that the stars look like from afar. That is what I imagine you see when you look up at the stars in the night sky.”
<i>"Sometimes there is no darker place than our thoughts, the moonless midnight of the mind."</i>
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September 13, 2013, 12:41 PM
Yay! :-D
She followed his instructions to the best of her ability, though there was no way for Koontz to suddenly forget years' worth of visual memories. Truthfully, she just couldn't wrap her mind around the concept. After straining to achieve the unachievable, she gave up and simply explored her sightless, tactile surroundings, starting with the stone—which felt smooth and cool beneath the rough leather of her paw pad—but not ending there. She tapped into her other senses, taking a moment to visualize her world through sound and smell in addition to touch.
After a while, she opened her eyes and faced him. She realized their noses were only an inch apart and wondered if he knew this. He must, she thought, seeing that her breath quivered the tips of his whiskers. Normally, she might have felt self-conscious being so close to someone else, yet she felt curiously at ease being in Yildun's face like this. Perhaps it was because his eyes didn't bore into her like others' sometimes did. Her appearance, including her stature, meant little—meant nothing, actually—in Yildun's presence. It was a relief, in a way.
"I feel very comfortable around you," she observed aloud, "which is kind of unusual, as I'm sometimes very self-conscious and introverted around those I don't know very well. Honestly, I don't know if it's the blindness... or something else." Koontz smiled softly, then reached out and bumped her nose against the blind wolf's.
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September 13, 2013, 04:05 PM
Sorry! I passed out lol
this used to be my playground
this used to be my childhood dream
this used to be the place i ran towhenever i was in need
of a friend
[size=3]why did it have to end[/size]
He wasn’t sure if she was able to do what he was instructing her to do because she hadn’t said anything, but he was going to guess that she wasn’t able to since those that were able to usually ended up emitting a soft gasp of sorts when it happened. No gasp had come from her, but he could feel her moving her paw around on the rock since he was standing with his side against hers. That was okay, though, because he knew that not everyone could just let go of what they were already used to in order to pretend they were blind. And that really was okay.
And then she was facing him. He could feel her warm breath on his face. Yildun didn’t pull away or shift his head, choosing to remain as he was, feeling her warmth on his face. Other than his sister, he hadn’t been near anyone else in a long time. He had gone from being the blind kid that invaded everyone’s personal space because he craved touch to being the stand-offish young male that didn’t want to allow anyone near him because he was afraid of abandonment and getting hurt. He knew that his heart wouldn’t be able to take anymore hurt for a long time.
When she spoke, her words and the feel of her warm breath on his face caused a slight bolt of electricity to run down his spine. Don’t let it be confused with something sexual in nature, though. It was purely a warmth that he hadn’t felt in a very long time. She bumped her nose against his and his tail swayed a little more, his smile grew a little wider. “May I?” he asked, softly, motioning to her face with his nose and giving her a moment to answer. He merely wanted to see her in the only way that he was able to; touch. But he would respect her answer if she were to say no.
<i>"Sometimes there is no darker place than our thoughts, the moonless midnight of the mind."</i>
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September 13, 2013, 07:51 PM
His smile widened and Yildun's tail swayed, as did hers. She felt the mutual warmth, which went hand-in-hand with how comfortable she felt around him. Speaking of which, Yildun motioned to her with his pale muzzle and queried, "May I?" The Alpha female smiled uncertainly, her brows knitting together. She mentally scrambled to figure out what it was he was asking. May you...? The silence that stretched between them began to grow awkward and she chuffed.
Finally, she just decided to say, "You may," in a pleasant, wondering voice, touching her cool nose to the side of his muzzle to indicate her trust. She then sensed that he wanted her to hold still, so Koontz froze, curiously awaiting... well, whatever Yildun planned to do next.
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September 13, 2013, 08:07 PM
this used to be my playground
this used to be my childhood dream
this used to be the place i ran towhenever i was in need
of a friend
[size=3]why did it have to end[/size]
In her silence, he realized he should have explained what it was that he was asking. He was going to explain what he was asking when she ended up giving an answer anyway. The touch of her cool nose to the side of his muzzle was plenty enough to let him know that she trusted him. This was a good thing, especially since what he was wanting wouldn’t be anything harmful or hurtful. He merely wanted to see her in the only way that he knew how; through touch.
Slowly the sightless young male trailed the side of his nose along her muzzle, tracing every curve, every inch, of her muzzle, following it up the bridge of her muzzle and along her forehead. He paused at each ear, sniffing and lightly feeling his way along her face, not missing a single spot. Yildun was memorizing every part of her face as he went. After having trailed along every curve, every inch of her face, he moved to her neck, breathing in her scent, touching every inch. Down her neck, he came to her chest, trailing his nose around to her shoulders.
Yildun went over every inch of her right side, coming up along her left side in the same manner that he’d gone down her previous side. Not an inch went untouched (well, except beneath her tail because he truly wasn’t wanting to be rude), unsmelled. As he made his way back in front of her, he smiled and wagged his tail, brushing the top of his nose under her chin. “I see you,” he said, quietly. “I see you in my mind now. I just have two questions. What color are your eyes? What color is your fur?”
<i>"Sometimes there is no darker place than our thoughts, the moonless midnight of the mind."</i>
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September 13, 2013, 09:11 PM
Yildun began to trail his nose over her face. Koontz quickly understood why he did it. She held very still for him, though it tickled sometimes. At other times, it felt so intimate that she felt a little warm, yet she never tried to stop him. If this was how he familiarized himself with her, then she was fine with it. When he got to her shoulders, it even felt good, like a light massage.
He moved down her flanks to her haunches, rounded her hindquarters, then made his way back up her opposite side. If he had given her derriere a sniff, she wouldn't have thought much of it; they were canines, after all. Yet he stayed modest and polite in his touches and eventually returned to her face, his own turned toward her as if he could really see her now.
His question prompted a small laugh from her. How could he possibly understand something as purely visual as colors? She could tell him that she had pink eyes and rainbow fur. "My eyes are the same color as the sky on winter mornings," Koontz described, "and my fur's the color of snow when it's been around a while and has gotten kind of dirty." She grinned crookedly at her own descriptions, then tilted her head, wondering what Yildun would make of them.
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September 13, 2013, 10:03 PM
this used to be my playground
this used to be my childhood dream
this used to be the place i ran towhenever i was in need
of a friend
[size=3]why did it have to end[/size]
He was grateful that she allowed him to see her in the only way he was able, grateful that she allowed him into her personal space to touch her all over and take in her scent, to memorize every inch of her. This was something he hadn’t done with anyone in quite a long time now, choosing to stay out of the personal space of others. As a younger boy, he had charged in, not really giving another a chance to object before he was touching their face with his nose and paws. But it was different this time. A lot different. He had not only asked, but he hadn’t gone over her with the same reckless abandon that he did others as a boy.
He was not at all offended by the small laugh that came from her when he asked her about the color of her eyes and the color of her fur. Though he had never actually seen colors, he had a better understanding of them than many others actually realized. Perhaps it was because he had never actually seen colors, or anything else, that he seemed to have a deeper respect for things. He was silent as she answered his questions, giving descriptions in ways that he hadn’t heard before and worked on imagining them in his mind. He mulled around her answers for a moment in silence.
“I was told that snow doesn’t really have a color, that white isn’t really a color,” he finally responded, tilting his head just a little. “But when added with other colors, it can change how a color looks. Yes? My eyes, I have been told, have no color. Sometimes I try to hide them from strangers because I don’t want to be judged without them knowing me first, but it doesn’t always work.” Now he felt like he was rambling and stopped. A moment of awkwardness washed over him but was gone the moment he thought of something else to share with her that hadn’t been on the day he was accepted with the rest of the group into her pack.
“I can hunt…” he told her, pushing his ears forward. “Not in a pack hunt or anything large, but I can hunt. My father was teaching me before he…” Yildun trailed off for a moment, turning his head to “stare” off into the distance. “Before his mind got sick and he could barely remember who I was.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, working on getting his pent up emotions back into check. “I have been learning the territory, learning every inch of it. I would like to hunt for you sometime… after I’m sure that I know the land forward and backward…”
<i>"Sometimes there is no darker place than our thoughts, the moonless midnight of the mind."</i>
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September 14, 2013, 07:53 PM
"Really?" Koontz queried. "I heard that white is actually all the colors combined and that black is the absence of color," she countered him amiably, shrugging because it didn't much matter to her in the end. "But, yes, adding white can make another color paler... and adding any two colors together makes a separate, third color. There's an infinite number of shades and hues. Your eyes, by the way, are the color of a pearl," she told him softly. "I found one once, when I lived by the sea."
The Alpha female pondered what to say about being judged. She didn't want to say nothing. Before she could think of something appropriate, Yildun suddenly blurted out that he could hunt. She was momentarily glad that he couldn't see her, because she involuntarily shot him an incredulous look. Her eyebrows then lifted wonderingly and she bit her tongue from blurting the obvious question: how?
"I'd like that. I'd like to see you in action," she said, truthful but thankfully not blunt. She paused, then added, "Yildun, would you like to tell me more about your father? You've mentioned him a few times now. I can sense that he was important to you and that losing him was very hard. I can't even imagine. I feel like maybe you could use someone to talk to about him, though if you'd rather not, I understand," Koontz finished.