Phoenix Maplewood akele hum, akele tum

he did not scream or voice the hate that he must surely feel, something that had the girl more distressed than relieved. and then again, she hardly expected him to, for he was her motivator and yet also her rock. "I'm alright." her response came after a pause, and held the detachedness that his did. for a moment, the silence stretched on, and she watched him carefully a moment longer.

"no," in the face of all she had to lose, it seemed of little consequence that she reveal to Adi what she had been unable to that night.  "I've been doubting myself for a while. first - not being able to give you pups. then Pema, who thought I wouldn't be able to make it through the winter. and-"  here she paused, already not knowing where she was going with this, but hoping her thoughts would iron themselves out as they seemed to, sometimes. "but doubting you - doubting us - that was a mistake. a horrible, stupid mistake." 

she shifted, shifting sideways until she noticed and abruptly halted, reaching inside the scattered thoughts that lined her mind and hoping for more words to form on her tongue. "I drove my own brother away, in part. I realized too late, and even now, we aren't what siblings are supposed to be. but I can live with that - I can't live with knowing that I drove us apart." here her words faltered, and no matter how she reached, she could not pull more of the swirling thoughts to the forefront of her mind.