Redsand Canyon I don't know the half of it anymore

About the time the shame reached an unbearable intensity in his chest, he felt the soft nudge she offered him. And her soft words had him looking up from the ground to find her gaze. 

He only nodded his acceptance before walking inside the medicine den. It was as he had remembered it; warm and comforting. The scent of the healer and her plants was much stronger in the cave; it soothed the jagged edges of shame. But then sadness settled in his heart where the shame had been before. Despair was all he could feel then, and it was so strong that he was unable to keep the pain from his face as he sat down on the same pelt he had slept on the last time he had been here. 

Thank you, he told her, looking at everything but Aquene. Eventually he did meet her gaze, when he realized he would have to explain himself. Um, I've been gone on a scouting trip, he started. He swallowed. For some reason, I decided to visit where I was born since I was over there. He paused; if he continued on, he would not be able to hide anything, and he had to decide if he could handle it. 

He remembered how genuine her concern had been outside. Again, he was reminded that she was kinder than he deserved. He also decided he didn't have to worry about whether or not she would judge him. My brother was there, at our mother's grave. All this time I thought he was dead. The truth he had learned started to burn inside him, feeding the sadness. And I thought my father was dead. But really he took my brother and left the rest of us. And then Valette had died and his family was gone—dead, he thought. My dad chose to leave me, he told the healer. His heart started to race and his breathing became erratic. There was a lump stuck inside his desert-dry throat. He could only look at her then, unsure what emotions were bleeding into his expression.