Lion Head Mesa But right now, I wanna be not okay

Although he had commanded she continue to speak of this troubled past time, she was hesitant to do so.

It took some time, but eventually she drew a deep enough breath to go on.

On the day I was to give birth to my previous litter, I bribed one of the master's slaves to fetch an herb for me... one that would harm the lives in my womb... Her voice slowed, a tear dripping down her cheek. She had never wanted the children they forced her to bring into the world, but they were still lives she had partaken in creation. How could she not feel guilty?

Keep going... Sokha willed silently. When they all gathered to see, each whelp was born still, lifeless. From this, they made the assumption I was no longer viable to breed and tossed me aside. Given that I was no longer a favored carrier for their twisted games, it wasn't too hard to find a way out. There were no eyes upon me anymore.

She sought his gaze, then. What did he think of this? Would he think of her as a monster for doing what she'd done? She didn't want to be; and yet, she had made this choice. I pray you do not think of me in an ill way... to give up on the lives they bid me bring was the only way that would offer me a means of end to the countless days of torment.