Lone Star Mountain Act Naturally

@Yuudai C:

It seemed that the crew was taking a rest from the journey since Kaitsleoki seemed to be a long way away. The exile couldn't rest, there was so much she had on her mind and her thoughts were keeping her up, so instead of resting, she decided to use her wakefulness and do something useful, like being on guard. Vespera had to be careful since they were in the mountains and one wrong move could make her fall into her doom, so with careful paw steps, she made her way to a place where it was high up and isolated. The girl made swift movements up to the uppermost cliff that she could get to since she didn't trust that the path would be stable. Vespera slithered her way to an edge that seemed safe and wide but it also overlooked where the group was and she really didn't travel that far, or at least, she thought she didn't travel far.

Vespera padded to the edge and loomed over the group for a few moments with a calm expression with her orbs scanning the area, so far so good. The dark female craned her head back with her ears forward and her muzzle facing the East, the East where her old pack was. The wind of the mountain picked up and lightly tossed her pelt in any direction that she wanted, but she didn't care for her eyes were glued towards the place where she once thought she could see asylum. Vespera knew she couldn't dwell on what had happened to her, she knew she had to move on, but she didn't know how; she felt like she was being dangled over a cliff with only a strand of thread keeping her from plunging into a worse state then she was.

Her eyes slid down to her paws and a glum look was painted on her face with her ears slightly flattening, with the words of Reiko and Valette swarming her head, she didn't know what to think. 

Would Reiko lie to her?

With Reiko now safely tucked into Hiromi’s side, or at least that’s what he thought was happening, Yuudai was just about to relax and resume his late-night vigil when he realized yet another was missing. Curious, and slightly worried, Yuudai rose once again giving a soft sigh. He followed the scent of Vespera, the dark canid hovering up on a high ledge above the forming pack.

He didn’t know this woman well, but he appreciated she too thought of their safety. He was wary though, as he was with all those he had yet to get to know. “Good vantage point.” It wasn’t easy for him to start up a conversation, he usually let Himori or Reiko speak for him. But every so often it was necessary.

Vespera was deep in thought that the scent of another didn't cross her mind, and when the voice of someone approaching shoved its way into her ears, her nerves snapped and she swore she could have felt her heart launching into her throat. But she somehow managed to keep her body as still as possible with the only noticeable difference being that her head jolted up in a surprised manner. Now normally, she would have gotten into the stranger's face and gave them tongue for startling her, but with the shake of her coat, a calming sense rippled through her body and calmed her agitated nerves. Instead, the girl turned her muzzle towards the approaching stranger, but this wolf really wasn't a stranger, it was one of the ones that Reiko knew, Yuudai. The man complimented her on the spot that she had chosen, the girl shrugged, "thanks, found it myself," she said with the most subtle nod and a slightly joking demeanor when she said, "found it myself."

At this point, she really didn't care if the man wanted to converse with her for as the days came, she was starting to care less and less. But, no matter what, she wasn't good at conversations or making small talk with others, it seemed to be a staple to her character, but she might learn to get over that obstacle. "So what brings you here," she said with a casual tone and her expression blank.

He hadn’t meant to startle her, assuming that keeping watch normally involves paying attention to your surroundings. He only gave a slight tilt of his lips at her joke, not normally one to be overtaken by his emotions.

“I noticed you weren’t with the group. Everything ok?” Although he didn’t know her, or trust her, Yuu wouldn’t wish I’ll on anyone. He was a kindhearted soul, seeking the good where he could find it. Even if it seemed there wasn’t much left to find. He sat beside her, pale violet eyes surveying the group and the surroundings. Multitasking at it’s finest.

She didn't expect him to react at all to her joke since she was either used to tongue-lash for joking or just flat out disappointment. So even if he did give her some sort of reaction, she didn't really pay much notice to it. Yuudai asked if she was okay since he noticed that she wasn't with the group, now Vespera wasn't used to this from some random wolf that she just met, the only time someone would ask her that was Valette. But wouldn't let it be known that she felt awkward about the question, so she just shrugged it off, "Yeah, I'm fine," the girl turned her muzzle towards the depths below where the sleeping group was resting. She couldn't just dump all her emotions onto someone she just met for she learned that dumping all of your emotions onto others wouldn't do a damn thing so she just found it pointless. Vespera kept her lingering thoughts about what happened in the past locked up in a chest for now until she could fully trust anyone in the group with her string of thinking.

But for a moment, something kept poking her, she was starting to suspect that the only reason the male came up to see her was that he, one didn't trust her and felt that he had to take the obligation to watch her make sure she wouldn't harm the group. Or two, he had nothing better to do. Either way, both of them were at a point of at least speaking to each other, but she began to think of why in all of Teekon did she go with Reiko? Why did she go with this group? What led her to journey with them? All she knew that there was something pulling her at her heart and pointing to Reiko, telling her that Reiko was someone to put faith into, but even Vespera couldn't trust her heart at this time.

The girl continued to scan the area with her orbs as the man came to sit beside her, but she continued to mind herself, she was so badly wanting to be alone but no matter how much she battled with her mind, she felt tired and gave up. "So," She lifted her muzzle and turned it slightly towards the man, "what's your story?" The girl said with her eyebrows slightly raised in curiosity for if they were going to sit here, they should at least get to know each other. "It's fine if you don't want to say anything though," she shrugged, she really didn't care if the man wanted to respond, but she sure as hell didn't want it to get awkward. Even though she despised the awkward silence between her and someone else, she wanted to try and be respectful and give him the option to not say anything if he didn't want to tell her anything.

He didn’t honestly believe that she was alright, but he couldn’t begrudge her for keeping her cards close at hand. A silence fell between them, and Yuu couldn’t tell if it was comfortable or not, but he remained still, vigilant. There was no reason to speak if neither felt the pull.

So… She broke the silence, much to Yuu’s surprise. Although he wasn’t sure if he particularly wanted to answer her question… but he knew he should. If only because he needed help protecting both Himori and Reiko, if he were honest, he would rather have her here.

He took a moment to think over an appropriate response. “Well…” He started, somewhat hesitant. “I guess it depends on what you want to know?” Had he not been so civilized he might have shrugged, but alas he had more manners than that. “It’s Vespera right?” He wanted to make sure he had the right name to the face, “I’m Yuudai Hakuryū, in case you weren’t sure. I am Reiko’s bodyguard.” Well he assumed he still was… he’d been doing a poor job the last year.

As to be expected from two wolves that weren't really good at conversations, he sounded like he didn't know what to say, so he asked if she wanted to know anything about him. Vespera pondered on that question, she honestly didn't think she would get that far into the conversation, but what would she ask him? If they were going to be packmates, they at least had to be comfortable with one another. He broke her thoughts by making sure that she had her name right, she nodded to him in response. Then he dropped a ball that she wasn't quite expecting, apparently, this wolf was the bodyguard to Reiko. Vespera's ears slightly pointed upward and her eyebrows raised up a little more in curiosity, but it wasn't by much. 

"Oh, so you two come from the same place," she noted while giving him curious blinks, but she really had to think about it, this man really didn't look like much but the again, Reiko was an absolute twig. The woman had started to think about having a bodyguard for herself, the idea was nice initially, then she started to think about how restricting it would be, like having a helicopter parent. A small amused smile formed on her face, "wonder what life must be like for you then," she said, "I mean, having to constantly worry about someone, and perhaps following them everywhere they went," she gave a slight chuckle for she was only joking and teasing.

Rei really hadn’t shared a whole it would appear, and Yuudai wondered if he should. But if Rei trusted her enough to keep her around, surely there must be some communication between the two. He nodded initially to her words, processing and deciding what should be said, and what should not.

“Yes, Reiko is from the Izuka clan. They took my mother and I in just after I was born. They helped raise me.” Ultimately Yuudai couldn’t think of a reason to withhold this information now, especially from someone who might become a packmate. He couldn’t help a small chuckle at her words, “You have no idea. Now I have two of them.” He whispered good naturedly, Hiromi was now his responsibility too. “I might need you help to keep them both in check.” He joked back with her, finding a kinship in their lacking communication skills. “And what of you Vespera? What is your story?” She didn’t have to answer, the courtesy she extended him reciprocated in kind.

Yuudai explained that he and Reiko came from a place called the "Izuka Clan," which must have been a pack of some sorts, then he said that he and his mother were taken in and was raised there. The girl thought that it was nice of them to do that if only she had the same treatment but she can only get rejected, just her luck. Vespera began to think bitterly of how other packs that she tried to seek asylum to treated her badly and she couldn't understand why, and she thought coming to Teekon would be different but some big dipshit with the name starting with Grey and ending with Back didn't think so. She would lose faith in others and she figured that she would be alone for the rest of her life, even if there was the angelic wolf that was Valette still around.

It seemed that Vespera's joking charm worked on the white male as he too started to joke with her and found amusement in her comments, perhaps she could break out just a little more and be true to her witty nature. "Ha!" She laughed with a wider smile as she tipped her muzzle up, "What's in it for me?" She smirked with her eyebrows raised and gave him a playful sly look, "Do I need to have certain requirements?" She continued to tease.

The man then asked what was her story, normally, she doesn't like talking about her story, and when she did actually try, it was just a slap on the face and fell on deaf ears. Vespera craned her head up and looked towards the East once again, her face a little more sentimental but she still looked casual, "Oh it's nothing special," she shrugged, "I don't remember much other than my parents being killed and then trying to go from pack to pack to seek refuge but everywhere I turn I just get rejected." It was the best way she could summarize it, the girl had an empty look on her face for if she even talked about her past she would have been brought to tears but she now only expected others to just take her story and throw it up in the shredder.

I think this makes sense… sorry I may have had one to many glasses of wine…dm me if its to confusing and ill re-write tomorrow hahaha!

“What’s in it for you? Loyalty.” The only thing worth a damn that she could earn by protecting Reiko, the loyalty of a pack at least. If that’s what she wanted. “Keeping Reiko safe the only requirement.” He smiled more brightly. He hoped to leave it at that. A hint that he would be watching her and expecting something in return. That she could earn her place here, but only if she stayed.

“I’m sorry that happened to you. It must have been very difficult.” He had no desire to preach to her or tell her, her pain was less than his. Everyone’s story remained their own, it is what comes next that truly matters.

Nah you're fine xD

Yuudai countered her joking question by saying that what would come out of protecting Reiko would be loyalty, the girl gave a sigh as she continued to smile, "well that won't be a problem for me then," she smirked. It was the truth, Vespera was big on loyalty, something she felt that was lacking when she confronted Valette and how the Matriarch seemed to be taking to the side of Greyback even though Val was being as fair as possible. He said that keeping Reiko safe was the only requirement, but that made her more confused, why? Why did she need to be safe? She decided not to ask him and held her tongue.

The man sympathized with her by telling her that it must have been difficult for her, "It was," she replied with a bit of a gloom tone with her eyes sliding down, she didn't want to give him the gruesome details of what actually happened when she joined those packs. But she couldn't look defeated forever, "but I got to move on," she sighed, but it was honestly harder to do that in practice, "I can't let that stop me from..." Vespera narrowed her eyes as her eyes looked at her paws for she was trying to come up with an answer as to what she was going to do with her life. "Well stop me from nothing I guess because I really don't have any plans or what the hell I am supposed to do with my life," she briefly closed her eyes and shrugged. The girl let her orbs face the horizon again, she really hadn't thought about anything of her life besides seeking a home and a family since she had been trying to do that all her life.

What would she do if she finally had that?

if you say so… ;)

He nodded his head slowly as she spoke, he wouldn’t bother interrupting her. She seemed to be working through something. He couldn’t help the pitying smile as she concluded her defeating thought. “So you aren’t any better off than the rest of us?” The only thing he had figured out was to follow Reiko, and that’s pretty much all he needed to know. As a lifelong learner of his craft, as a samurai, Yuudai had no aspirations beyond finding a home and raising a family something he had been striving to do since his first memory. He in turn appeared to have no direction for his life.

“I don’t think I would believe anyone who knew for certain where they’re life was going.” But hey, she hadn’t asked for any advice, “I mean, that’s just my opinion. To each their own.” He wasn’t gonna put words in her mouth either. He was simply commentating on the topic. “But the way I see it, you can’t pick what happens to you, but you can decide how you are going to approach each day.” She sounded a little negative no?

Vespera chuckled at his first comment, "you got me," she pretended to act surprised but there really wasn't much emotion to her response. It was true, she really had no direction other than to settle down, she really didn't think she could be a leader for she had no idea how to lead since all she does is a joke around and act like a moody teenager and she figured no one would like that. From her experiences, nobody that she met had liked it no matter how patient they were, she could even tell when Valette looked like she was being pushed over the edge. The man then began talking in a philosophical way and Vespera could only internally cringe since she has heard this nonsense before and it did her no good.

The man then said that she could decide what she wanted to do and choose how she was going to approach the day which made her stop and think for a moment. Would things have been different if I had approached Greyback differently? But she immediately burned those thoughts with a torch, no, it was him who was being a righteous pompous ass who can go fuck himself, he doesn't deserve to be Patriarch. Her thoughts started to reflect her expression with her nose wrinkling a bit and her eyes narrowing, but she wasn't directing it towards Yuudai. Vespera exhaled through her nose to calm her nerves and she was able to gain control of herself and soften her face, "What if it doesn't matter how you approach the day if the day doesn't accept your approach?" She challenged his logic a bit due to her own experiences, but she didn't look at him, she didn't want to act like a kid who thought they knew all and would challenge any idea that didn't fit their morals.

The question wasn’t simple or straightforward. He had caught the slight narrowing of her gaze, although not directed at him. “I’ve never thought of it that way.” He didn’t have the right answer for her, he doubted there was anyone who could give Vespera the answers she was looking for. The man’s gaze had drifted toward his counterpart for a brief moment, before returning to the task at hand.

“I honestly don’t know how to answer that.” Yuudai offered, avoiding her gaze, “Why are you here Vespera?” He was confused, for someone so bitter about their existence, what had drawn her to Reiko?

Vespera sat with bitterness in her heart, she had much room to grow but will her fate let her? The girl already tried to avoid fate by attempting to take her own life, but it seemed that no matter what she did, she would always be pulled back into her harsh reality. As a consequence of her attempt, she was left with the scar on her eye, and it would be a constant reminder of what she tried to do, a reminder for her not to deviate from her path. She truly wanted to believe that Yuudai was onto something, that she could approach the day as she wanted, but her point still stood.

What if the day didn't accept your approach?

Yuudai expressed that he never thought about it like that which would have given Vespera a sense of victory since she seemed to prove him wrong but that wasn't the case. She was hoping that someone had answers for her since everywhere she turned, the answers were either kept from her or didn't exist. The man then asked why she was here, but she knew that he wasn't asking why she was at the ledge. The girl sighed with her lips flapping like a horse chuff, "I honestly don't know," she replied, her voice casual but hinted with uncertainty. "When I first met Reiko, I honestly thought that it was impossible and almost childish that she could make a place where you could never fail, and the past was the past, blah blah blah," she went on, the exile didn't want to go into too much detail. "I thought it was unrealistic, I don't think there is such a place," her voice was a little more confident and firm since her experiences told her that nowhere was like what Reiko was preaching about.

"But..." Vespera paused and thought about the specific phrase that practically won her over, "she told me that, 'mistakes would be learning opportunities," she went on, "and those words stuck with me, and I don't know why," she looked at the horizon with a confused face as if she was talking to the mountains of the east. "I truly want to be something, even if I sound so negative, but I just don't know what," her confused face morphed into a slightly lost expression.

sorry little bit of writer’s block

“Well…Are there any mistakes you regret?” Yuudai wasn’t sure where to go with her worries. He felt bad for her. He himself had never been so lost before. “Perhaps that’s why her words stick with you. There is something you wish to atone for.” There wasn’t much Yuudai could help with, he didn’t know her, he didn’t know her story and so, he could not offer advice.

“You don’t have any childhood aspirations?” Yuu offered a small smile, hoping to lighten the conversation.

It's all good, I got busy xD

Were there any mistakes that she regretted? The girl's expression narrowed as her eyes dashed to the corner of her skull, "No, I was the one being wronged my entire life, no one gave me a chance," Vespera started to dig her claws into the rock as her anger was only starting to spike. "And it's because of them," she let a slight growl slide out of her throat, "that I turned out this way," there was less anger in her voice as the regret in her tone started to flood into her sentences. The exile flattened her ears out of sorrow with her anger subsiding and converting into dispair with her eyebrows angling up, but she would never cry no matter how much she wanted to. The woman let out a mournful sigh as she shut her eyes for a few moments with her muzzle tipped down, then, the ear that was closest to Yuudai flipped up when he talked about why the words that Reiko said stuck to her this entire time.

Vespera reopened her eyes to reveal her purple orbs, her eyes could only tell the story that she was lost as she moved her head slightly to face Yuudai a bit more. "I guess so," she pondered on those words for a while with her face looking like a child after they got caught doing something wrong, "I have been abused then rejected each time I went to a pack, I thought Teekon would be different, but I guess not." The samurai asked if she had any wishes in her childhood, but Vespera couldn't remember her youth that well, and this memory blockage was keeping her from a family that had been around all this time. "I couldn't tell ya, I honestly remember very little, I have been running so much to the point where I don't have a goal..." The exile muttered as she craned her head back to look at the East with regret in her eyes,

"I just don't want others to suffer the way I did."

wrap up?

Yuudai simply nodded, a frown tilting his lips. "I guess you'll just have to take a leap of faith then Vespera." Her story eluded to a sad history, and he doubted she could be convinced by words alone. "Give Reiko time to prove this is where you belong. No one expects you to stay if you don't want to." Tilting his head to the sky and determining the time, Yuu decided it was time to continue his patrol.

"We might surprise you." Yuudai smiled, and rose slowly. Waiting to see what she had to say to his proposition.

Sure!

The samurai wolf stated that she should take a leap of faith and she was about to counter his words but she held her tongue, she had to ask herself, had she ever taken a leap of faith? Perhaps her entire life she had been just trying to find the bare minimum of her happiness and was surrounded by the fog of fury, her rage, her vengeance, perhaps this mindset has left her shrouded in her own darkness that she refused to let herself break the chains of bitterness. Vespera looked at him with a thoughtful look, her gaze was painted with consideration and vanished sense of self as she kept silent for the man continued with the fact that he should let Reiko surprise her.

The woman was broken, a flickering evening star with her rays of hope getting diminished.

But perhaps, Yuudai was right, she had an option, and option to continue running into the same traps that she hates. Or, she could go with Reiko and the forming Empire and truly see her potential. The man looked to the sky and rose to his pads and gave her one more look, a look full of promise, a look of aspiration as he said the words, "we may surprise you."  The dark woman gave an amused sigh as her ears perked up and a smile broke through her face with her eyes brilliant as if she had accepted a challenge.

"I'll be waiting," she said with a determined voice.