Whitebark Stream It's deciding where to die and deciding where to fight

He was frozen in place as her words slapped him in the face. It was so much worse than anything he could have expected. She hated him and rightfully so. If it were just her hate he had to deal with, he would have stood there and accepted it. But her very obvious disgust twisted his insides so painfully he thought he might throw up. He was a piece of filth, leaving her and then coming back and asking for her to let him back into her life. His expression was distant as he disappeared into the darkness inside of him to repeat her words over and over. He wished the earth would open up beneath him so that he could fall into nothingness. He was brought back to reality with her next words, the ones that made it clear she wouldn't let him see or know his children. The twisting intensified, something he didn't think possible. He had told himself this might happen. He knew Grezig would be angry enough to want to take them from him, but to actually hear the words—it was more painful than he could have even imagined; it rivaled the day he had lost his entire family to the rumbling of the earth. It was essentially the same thing. 

She turned from him, stating that him staying here was not her decision to make. He wanted to beg her to not take his children from him, plead with her to reconsider. But he knew it was useless; she wouldn't change her mind that easily. His only hope was to prove to her through actions that he wasn't going anywhere. Maybe then she would allow him near the children. He hated all that he would miss in the mean time, but that was the price he had to pay for being weak and leaving. 

It was only then that he registered the Alpha's presence. He stared at the spot where Grezig had disappeared, realeasing a heavy sigh. Hoped for? No, but very much expected. He knew it would have been wishful thinking to expect anything else. He had been scarce at best even before joining, spiraling out of control when he could no longer suppress the pit of despair eating away at him from the inside. He had promised much to the pale Alpha, and he had failed in every way possible. He had no idea what had been going on in the pack or even that Dawn was so close to delivering their own children. He envied the man for all the things he once had. But he couldn't wallow, not if he wanted to fix things. As best he could, he tried to will away the defeat in his expression as he turned to the Alpha. I failed her and you, he said somberly. I know I have no right to ask, but I want a second chance to prove myself. He repeated the same he had asked of Grezig, hoping that Artyom would show him the mercy he desperately wanted but in no way deserved.