Blacktail Deer Plateau I just need to get it off my chest

@Liri @Grezig

The conversation the three of them needed to have had given the alpha a lot of conflicted feelings. He wanted to help Grezig, his closest friend, have children, but he also wasn't sure how his mate and the one he loved more than anything would react to the proposal that he father another female's litter. Honestly, he would never agree to let her be with anyone else; the thought made his blood boil with jealousy, so he wouldn't blame her if she said no. He promised Grezig he would at least bring it up with Liri, though, and what if she was okay with it? Then everyone could be happy, which is all Kavik really wanted. For some reason, he didn't think it would be quite that easy, and he was terrified that he would hurt his wife. This had been one of the many conflicts plaguing the alpha recently, and he had to admit it would feel good to resolve it at the very least. 

So, he lifted his muzzle to the sky and called for his mate and his friend.

Grezig appeared through the trees quite quickly, having been close by at Kavik’s call. She was not one-hundred percent certain she knew what this was about, but a flutter in her chest suggested that she had some idea. She came to sit before the alpha, dipping her head in greeting. “Hello,” she said, and said nothing more. Nervousness was bringing back her quieter nature. She’d rather save the talking for when it mattered and for when she was actually sure of what this was about. Otherwise, she could risk saying something stupid or unnecessary. She waited, somewhat impatiently, for the pale alphess to arrive.

Liri hadn't expected a summons but her ears pricked at the distant call - for she was sorting through her medicines for search of herbs that needed to be tossed out. She had plans to move most of her wares to the atrium where they would be dry and secure for the coming winter. As Kavik's howl echoed through the territory, the healer put away the sun dried herbs and whirled on her pale paws to head in his direction.

The howl didn't sound urgent or panicked, despite the fact that it called for both Liri and Grezig, leading the fae to wonder what it could be about. Nerves pooled in the pit of her stomach, leaving her nauseous, as she expected the worst. 

As she reached the pair, she chuffed, her dark gaze examining the anxious Grezig and her mate - though she couldn't quite tell what he was feeling. 

"What's this about then?" She questioned lightly as she crossed the clearing, trying to belie the slight nerves she was feeling. The sylph sat by her mate's side, nuzzling him affectionately before turning her attention to the conversation she knew was coming with raised brows.

Grezig was the first to arrive, and Kavik greeted her with a dip of his head, hoping he showed no outward signs of his anxiety over the conversation they were about to have. Liri followed soon after, requesting a reason for the summons as she came to sit next to him and offering him a nuzzle in greeting. He returned her affection, breathing in her scent as he did so in an attempt to calm his nerves. 

The alpha looked between his mate and his friend before finally settling his emerald gaze on Liri's face and taking a deep breath. Before I get to why we're all here, I just want you to know that I love you, and you're the only one I will ever love, he said to his mate, his tone serious but gentle. Before she could grow anxious wondering why he would need to preface his next words with such a proclamation, he continued. I want to know how you would feel if I fathered Grezig's children in the spring. There are no feelings between us ; it is simply something I want to do for her as a trusted friend and nothing more. Kavik said the words slowly and thoughtfully, trying to say the exact right thing. He watched her face after he spoke, desperate to read any emotions that might seep into her expression. It felt good getting the words out, but he was terrified he had just hurt his wife in the process, which went against every fiber of his soul. 

He gave the beta a quick glance but said nothing else, waiting for Grezig to add something if she thought it necessary and waiting nervously for Liri's reaction.

WARNING: Long post ahead. This is possibly??? PPing because I'm assuming they just let her do her thing. Also maybe timeline-breaking unless we agree this all happened after every other thread right now because her reaction is so... strong. Just PM me if either of you has an issue with this, but in reality, she didn't actually DO much. It's just a lot of introspection mostly.

Grezig kept her eyes downcast, feeling so nervous that she wasn’t sure what to do with herself. She felt wrong. This felt wrong. She’d made a terrible mistake asking Kavik to do this for her, even if Liri was all right with it. She had half a mind to get up and leave right now, call the whole thing off. She even lifted her head, looking at him, but then Liri appeared and she lost her nerve. She hated this. She did not know how to handle these emotions, having never handled them before. What the fuck did people usually do in this situation? All she wanted to do was throw up. She looked at the two of them—the perfect couple—sitting side by side and hated herself for ever bringing any of this up in the first place. So what if she wanted kids? This was crossing a line, and she’d known it, somewhere, from the very beginning. This was—

’What’s this about then?’

Liri’s voice, innocent as it seemed, was like a slap in the face. Grezig physically jerked her head away, feeling foolish and embarrassed and angry. Why had she thought this was ever a good idea. The guilt ate at her insides like she’d been infected with some flesh-eating worm. It bored a hole through her stomach and prevented speech. Her eyes stung.

’Before I get to why we're all here, I just want you to know that I love you, and you're the only one I will ever love.’

Grezig relaxed for a moment, hearing Kavik tell his mate that he loved her and only her. Good. This was how it should be. Good, good. But no. Not good. Because Grezig… Grezig had feelings for him also, feelings she did not previously know she was capable of feeling. 

’I want to know how you would feel if I fathered Grezig's children in the spring.’

Her eyes stung even more. She kept her face turned away.

’There are no feelings between us—

White noise—a high-pitched whining roar—filled her ears at this statement. She sucked in a breath, meant to steady her only, and it became a sob in her chest. She stood, eyes bleary with tears that threatened to spill, and turned to the two alphas—the two wolves she trusted the most in the entire world—the two wolves whose lives she had almost possibly destroyed in this one selfish act of much more than just wanting children. She wanted Kavik. But she would not break either of their hearts just to save her own. “No,” she said, the sound rough in her throat. A command. Angry. “No. I’m sorry. I’m—

She looked Liri in the eyes first, trying to convey that she had never meant… for this to happen. She swung her head forcefully to look at Kavik then, his green eyes, strong body, somber-faced just like she always was. She opened her mouth. “I—I can’t. I don’t…” The word she wanted to say, the one starting with L, caught in her throat as if she’d inhaled a spiderweb. “No,” she said again, and then she turned and stumble-ran through the trees, her paws catching on every root in her path.

At some point she fell, and there she remained.

For a moment there was only tense silence - as if the birds and small creatures of the forest themselves were listening in. 

Liri's gaze darted between the two, imagining wild scenarios that only made her more anxious. She tried to calm herself, certain it couldn't be all that bad. It was that unwavering trust in Kavik - who she was so certain would never betray her - that would lead to her pain on this day. 

Her mahogany gaze returned to her mate as he spoke, smiling at the sentiment though she was obviously nervous. She knew Kavik loved her but what could that have to do with anything? Her gaze fell on Grezig, narrowing suspiciously as the word cheating jumped to mind. Was that what this was about? Her heart raced at the thought. 

Resolutely, the sylph turned her freckled head towards her mate - unsure she even wanted to know. If they withheld the information, it couldn't hurt her. Right?

Kavik's second statement didn't sink in at first. She remained seated, her eyes locked on him blankly - confused as to how her lungs could still fill with air, how heart could pound in its chest like that when that strange band of tightness was closing around her chest.

Grezig stammered an excuse, fleeing. Liri was unsure whether to be relieved or incensed by this. Part of her was so enraged that all she could hear was the roar of blood coursing in her veins. Part of her wanted to chase the Beta down and demand an explanation as to why Grezig had asked the only male in the whole pack who was married to sire her children. Another part of her was relieved that Grezig was gone because the leader was not a fan of doing things she regretted, and she would regret hurting her friend - whether with words or actions.

She deflated as she was left alone with Kavik - eyes falling to the ground, trembling form curling in on herself as if for protection. Watery eyes lifted to him, any tears lost in the light drizzle that reached them through the canopy, conveying the words she refused to utter aloud.

How could you?

"You must have lost your wits," Liri rasped, voice breaking, when she finally could summon the strength to speak.

"You thought that would work. That it wouldn't confuse our children?" Anger burned in her gaze as she squared her shoulders, looking at her mate incredulously as if she'd never seen him. 

It wasn't right. What, she was supposed to tell their pups that their father loved her, only her, but had kids with every other female who wanted them? Was their marriage sacred only to her? She shook her head, turning away from him in disgust. 

"If our pack is stable enough to permit puppies in the spring, and should Grezig still want children, she can find someone else." Anyone else. But not you. "Someone who isn't claimed." 

She looked at him again - sadness pooling in her dark eyes. He didn't think this would hurt her? Having that image of him and Grezig stuck on loop in her mind's eye? Her lips parted as if she wanted to speak but her eyes squeezed shut, she shook her head once as if to say, I can't. The healer whirled on pallid paws and fled.

She didn't look back; she didn't turn even if he shouted after her. Liri would flee to some hidden place in their territory and it was there that she would release her pain - likely in the form of stifled sobs. 

whatever timeline works best for everyone is fine by me

His friend's actions were confusing at best. He watched her stumble over words, unsure what was happening. She seemed angry at first, and Kavik could only look at her with an expression of complete shock. Then, her eyes--did they have tears in them. His face morphed into one of only concern for his friend. He didn't understand what was going on; why was she so upset? Had he said something wrong? He was about to ask her to explain, but she turned and ran, leaving him feeling even more confused if that was possible. He wanted to go after her and make sure she was okay; he had never seen her show so much emotion before, and it worried him. But--you must have lost your wits.

Kavik winced, ears falling back against his head. He turned to look at his mate, and his knees almost buckled under the weight of her fury. She had never been angry with him, and it was like someone had opened his chest and poured boiling hot water inside. 

She went on to state it would be confusing for their children before looking away from him in disgust. He wished at that moment that something would fall from the sky and smash him in to pieces; it would be preferable to seeing the woman he loved look at him like that. He closed his eyes, swallowing hard against the bile in his throat. How could he have been such an idiot. Of course she was mad. If she had come to him asking to be with someone else, he would have been just as angry. There was absolutely no way he would let anyone else touch her, so why did he think she would feel differently about it? That was it, though; he hadn't been thinking. He was just trying to help out his closest friend, but he failed to consider the consequences, and now he had hurt the one he loved more than even himself. 

He kept his eyes closed and head bowed at her next words. He didn't think he could bear to see disgust on her face again. But because he felt like he deserved her wrath, he finally lifted his gaze to meet hers and was met with not only anger, but hurt and sadness. He didn't think he could possibly feel any worse, but seeing her look like that and knowing it was because of him absolutely gutted him. If someone else had made her feel this way, Kavik would have surely ended their life, but death would be a relief from the guilt and self-loathing racking his body, and he didn't deserve that; he deserved to suffer.

His mate turned from him and ran, and he was left alone in the mess he created. Liri, wait he called out to nothing before getting to his feet to run after her.