Stone Circle Out of the arms of the sun

When she woke from her dreaming, time felt as if it had stilled for too long. There were bundles tucked carefully to her breast. She was not out by the stones; rather, someone had moved her to the shelter of the trees.

Sanja opened her eyes to the sight of autumn, everywhere. To the hollow feeling of dulled pain - unaware of what exactly happened to put her here, and too medicated to think strongly about it.

The little ones (@Yrsa, @Dagur, @Skáld) were still, and small, and Sanja held no recognition of them.

bjarna had become plagued by nightmares.

naps in the day were more common, as if the sunlight might keep the bad dreams at bay behind closed eyes. all while mother bear had brought more, little cubs into the world.

bjarna did not know what to make of this — or them.

she did not hate them, no. but she was...nervous. in her runted state, she was not as big as some children her age. but still she was bigger than them.

they did not hold her attention today.

she saw the green of mama's eyes for what felt like the first time all again.

i missed you,

she mumbled softly as she seated herself a few feet away.

she felt weak, light-headed. like she was dreaming.

missed me? where did i go?

the girl felt leagues apart from her and Sanja moved to reach for her, feeling as if she were made of wood herself; that she had a trunk for a body and sprawling roots for legs.

the little ones sleeping soundly tucked against her.

she heard and she saw.

móðir did not look well. but mother bear had tended to her when she had been unwell, now bjarna did the same.

she moved close. kissed her head.

not go-go but...mama had many taking care of her. she did not speak more, for her own details were limited, and she wondered if that sentence alone might jog anything.

she did not remember.
such was the nature of trauma.

I am very lucky. And... very tired.

Sanja felt the soul-deep sigh as it flowed from her - wind through the eaves above. You are a big sister now.

a glance to the three, waiting for stirrings of motherhood; she had felt them before! for Bjarna, for Kvarsheim - but now?
muted by thought, dulled by loss.

bjarna realized now, as she looked upon them closer, that her lack of feeling was not nervous.

she simply...did not feel. not a draw in either way. they may as well have not existed when her eyes were not right upon them.

what is it like? to be big sister?

did they feel nothing?

It is hard sometimes. You are their protector, like me. You will teach them with me. That was how it felt to Sanja, with her kin. Sometimes it was too much.

You will learn together. Hunt, live, be family. Never alone... Never again. Was that a comfort? Was Bjarna ever lonely?

never alone.

never again.

it was the soft washing of a childhood she scarcely remembered. alone and empty. she remembered days of crying. days of hunger.

she remembered there had been an empty time before mother bear.

carefully and cautiously, she shuffled closer. a kiss to the crown of mother bear.

family. never alone. she cooed softly, staring at them. waiting for the feeling to bloom. waiting for them to be able to hear the things she could teach them.