Phoenix Maplewood well, now what

"i do have to pretend," aditya responded, a note of irritation creeping into his normally even tone. "that's what i do when i'm feeling shitty. pretend, to take my mind off of it." he shrugged his shoulders once more, looking at the ground. "call it a coping mechanism, i suppose."

with a sound half-chuckle, half-gasp, he brought his gaze to easy's once more, shaking his head. "you know? i've been bloody well trying to have everything come together. trying to be the best person i can be for your--our--family." he stopped for a beat, and blinked. "and you know what? i didn't have any sort of examples to do that. my father fucked off somewhere before i was born. my mother went and died on me. her brother. . .i don't even know where he went!

"i didn't have any siblings to play with, or a home to call my own," aditya continued, his voice growing angrier with each word. "i had to do it all myself. figure it out all by myself. and now that i'm here, and now that i think i have it all together for the first time. . .it turns out i can't do a single thing right."

his claws dug hard into the ground, tail thrashing slightly behind him. he let out a snort of exasperation. "and i'm sorry to dump this on you," he added, looking a little remorsefully at her, "but that's why. why i've been so. . .so bloody stupid and irritating and. . .not enough."

he trailed off, ripping his gaze away. the fur along his spine prickled still, and he wanted to roll on his back, crushing the sensation once and for all.