Stone Circle What can break me has a name

Kristjan felt a strange sensation at Moss’ departure.

He blinked incredulously as the polite farewell played out before him like a child’s puppet show.

Skáld’s words had made him want to protest: No, Moss, no ifs! Stay here with us – we are supposed to be family! But the wolf’s reason for leaving suddenly left him ice cold. There was no “need” for him here? Because the pups were “grown?” Kristjan didn’t recognize the feeling, but he was angry. His pulse quickened as he watched Moss go, and he stared long after him until Skáld said his name.

What?

Chosen. For leadership. Three of them.

Bewildered, he turned to his siblings. He hadn’t been listening! Which “three?” Astrid was quick as ever to clear things up for him, and Kristjan gaped at her in his best impression of a baby bird. (Or maybe he looked like a dead fish; he certainly could’ve dropped dead right then and there for the things coming out of this girl’s mouth!)

None of them ever liked her? That was Ludacris! If anything, she’d never liked them! Always rude or sulking and only hanging out with them when she was lonely! When she needed them—!!

Oh… that’s right. She needs me.

His head gave a small jerk as he beat himself mentally. How could he think such terrible things about his sister! The ugliness inside disgusted him. He felt bile rise up in his throat as his stomach pitched violently.

As he stood incapacitated, his savoir complex wrestled with his nemesis, The Depression, which had chased him to this very day and suddenly slammed down on him — HARD! — forcing him into an uncharacteristic surrender. As Astrid rounded on Ujurak for his support, he used this moment to force down his most troublesome feelings, using the same method one uses to accidentally swallow a jawbreaker.

He could barely register the fact that he’d been made a leader.

She’s doing this because she’s hurt, Kristjan instead rationalized quickly. She needs us. And he needed her, too.

Without them, it’s just us, Astrid. His voice shook with hurt. Without Pabbi, without Mamma, without everyone else, it is just us. Of course, I care about you— I love you! We love you. We’re supposed to stick together no matter what happens. I don’t agree with this. I don’t. But it’s not just up to me…

—why shouldn’t it be up to me?

Oh, how quickly rational doubt gave way to childish fiction.

He could suddenly imagine himself a king, tall and regal, overlooking all his people—

Kristjan turned to his brothers decisively. Sven would not argue, he had stationed himself as a pillar, a system of support only, and Ujurak would be diplomatic until the end, likely to settle for his original designation. He was the Stone Prince, after all. He held himself to such an impossibly high standard; of course he would choose to be the unceasing, overworked, beating heart for his entire family.

I will be Nornir. The last Nornir.

The deciding fate.

I will change it for you, Astrid.

I will change it all.