Morningside Cuesta maybe there is someone else in my body, at night

He was a little disappointed by how eager the kids were to run off and play. It was just twilight, still light despite the absence of the sun. Grayday had released Dawn and Sunny to their own devices only moments before, but already, they were out of sight - off to enjoy the first bit of true freedom he'd granted them since the beginning of their trip.

And, though he did not like to admit it, Grayday was also enjoying a bit of freedom for himself. He treasured their time together and loved how close they'd grown as a family during their adventure, but he was unused to spending so much time in the presence of others. He supposed there would always be a part of him that remained the solitary creature of his youth.

So he wandered, blissfully. The air was cool and the night was young, and Grayday walked along the banks of the mudminnow river without a care in the world.

There was a certain degree of tranquility to be found in the steady flow of the river. Akuti had taken the liberty of utilizing this rare source of peace by stretching out on the bank and drifting into an energizing nap before the activities of the evening. A twig snapped behind her, putting her slightly on edge, though she found comfort again with Grayday's familiar face. She barked to let him know she was near before finding her way to him and nosing at the fur on his neck. Where are the kids? she asked, not wanting to overstep any boundaries if they were near.

This is amazing. Akuti's voice was barely over a whisper as she expressed her disbelief of the territory's beauty. Everything seemed more powerful here — light, color, affection, bonds. It was something that Akuti hadn't experienced before but she appreciated all the same.

He smelled her before he saw her, and his head had already snapped in her direction by the time her heard her bark. "Hey little troublemaker," he hailed, a smile in his voice. While she greeted him with a nuzzle, he greeted her with a nibble to the tip of one finely-furred ear. "They're off exploring - said they wouldn't go far," he replied, pitching his voice low so that they would not attract too much attention. There were other wolves around - wolves he wasn't quite sure he wanted to advertise his close relationship with Akuti to.

Not that she was a secret - it was just new. It was different. And if she left, Grayday didn't want to receive the same pitying look he had when -

"I like it, too," he said, looking around as if admiring the view. But of course, by then, it was all dark and shadows to the silvered male.

Akuti took in a deep breath, allowing the silence between them to simmer. All that she needed to hear was his heartbeat in her ears, or his breath going against the cold of the eve. But then again, the quiet could never last long when Akuti was involved. Is this..., she said, pausing to think about how she would phrase her concerns, Are we staying? Or are you going back? Because if Grayday went back to Easthollow, then that was it. There would be nothing after that but a hollow dip where there used to be trust.

And I-I don't want to sway you one way or the other but I just... I want to be here, with you. She let herself trail off and sat silently, waiting for Grayday to pick up where she couldn't find the words to.

He wished he'd know enough to fear these words. It was something he'd refused to think about since leaving the territory, and in doing so, he'd somehow convinced himself that it would never come up. But it'd been on Akuti's mind, and now Grayday looked down at her sweet face and knew he would have to answer her.

"I don't know," he said, ears pulling back against his head. "When I left, I said I would be back - and I'd like to be able to say that I'm a man of my word." But he wasn't, and he wasn't sure he'd ever been. It seemed like his whole life in the Teekon Wilds had been nothing but a drawn-out lie. As soon as he'd met Adeline, there'd been no hope for being an honest man. "But there's been somethin' keeping me away," he sighed, sitting down on the riverbank with a heavy breath. "and I don't know if I want to be there anymore. Even if I could take you with me. Pack life has been wearing on me since I joined Silvertip - and I think it's time I stop pretending I can keep myself in one place."

During his explanation, Grayday moved slightly away from Akuti to the riverbank. Though a small movement, it was enough to make her feel dismissed, cauding her ears to fall back just slightly. So what are you going to do? she asked, peering at him through large, expectant eyes. He didn't sound too sure about staying away, but he didn't seem sure about going back either. Sure, Steady had been with him for ages and the two of them had some sort of a backing to their relationship, but was that enough to keep him in a situation where he was constantly unsure? That's how Akuti saw it, at least.

You can talk to me about it, Grayday. I want to know how you feel. She cared about him deeply and she wanted to have the opportunity to help. She just needed him to be more open with her, despite how hard it might be.

Though he'd sat, the weight hanging over his shoulders had not been alleviated. It took effort nearly insurmountable to turn his head and look back at his dark companion. The green of her eyes shone back at him, earnest and true.

"I feel... guilty," he said, making yet another attempt at honesty. "Steady is family, and to think of leaving him - it just feels like betrayal. If he knew I was thinking about it, he'd be so mad..."

It was something Grayday could understand, of course. Steady had invested time and resources in him, and how was Grayday repaying him? His lifelong services to Easthollow had been bought, and owed them, they owned him.

"But I just get so tired being there," he murmured, thinking of all his restless nights, his long patrols, his endless worry that he wasn't doing enough, that he wasn't enough. "I owe 'um all so much it's just - there ain't enough of me anymore. I feel tired and used up and frustrated, and bein' there... it just never goes away."

It still hadn't, out here in the wilds. But running from it felt good. Spending time with his kids felt right. The simpleness of it soothed him. It was not the perfect life, but he could handle these demons.

Akuti listened carefully as Grayday expressed his woes. Whereas she couldn't exactly relate to what he was saying, she did know what it felt like to be stuck somewhere when there was so much more available. It was as if everything you needed was just out of your reach, and each time you jumped a bit higher, it flew further away. Maybe that was because Akuti was tiny, but the same principles applied. You're always going to feel like you owe them, she whispered, drawing closer to him from where she once sat, But if you think that it's time to start a new chapter in your life, then you shouldn't let this guilt hold you back.

Taking a deep breath, Akuti scanned Grayday with her bright green eyes before furthering her sermon, You have two kids to worry about. They're looking to you to make your move, so what do you think they need? As a father, Akuti felt as if he no longer had the liberty of moving on personal whims. In that same breath, she didn't think that it would be fair for her to keep him somewhere none of them would benefit. If he wanted to go back, she wouldn't stop him.

You're always going to feel like you owe them.

They were not profound words, but they struck a chord within the aging male, such that his mouth twisted into something that could've been a smile or a grimace. There was so much noise going on in his mind that whether or not he owed the wolves of Easthollow should have been far from pressing - but in that moment it was. And there were a lot of reasons to stay just like there were a lot of reasons to go, but right in that moment, Grayday pretended it was the deciding factor.

"I'm not going back," he said decisively. "Not to stay. The kids - they need to learn how to live, and they need to know I love them." That had always been his goal, and he thought he'd been doing a much better job of it, as of late. "The rest is just noise."

And Akuti? She was noise. She was a freight train in an otherwise quiet period of Grayday's life. He had his kids and he had the wilds to travel, and none of that required a perky little shewolf at his side. He'd left Easthollow specifically to avoid spending his time on others when he could be spending it on his kids.

But -

"You'll stay with us, right?" he asked, even though she'd already told him she would.

Akuti took a few steps closer, finally closing the gap between she and Grayday. Once near enough, she leaned her muzzle under his chest and rested her maw as close to his ear as she could get it. Of course I'm staying, idiot. She gave a sweet chortle and pulled back a bit, though remained close enough to him that he might be able to reach out and touch her in the same fashion. I promised you I would stay, and I'm not too keen on breaking promises. Plus, how could I leave the kids? They're basically the only reason why I'm still here. Of course, she was only teasing. Akuti added a smile to emphasize her joking manner.

But seriously, I'm staying because I want to be here. With you, even if you can be an asshole.

I'm tired and hopped up on coffee. I apologize for this post.

Once again, the sterling male felt a twinge of discomfort deep in his chest as Akuti spoke of his children. He did not like that she was so familiar with them when they were his - even though it was only natural, when she'd been forced so tragically to depart from her own brood. But Grayday had no desire to be accomodating. Not when it came to Sunny and Dawn.

The only thing that kept him from saying so was a quickly-growing affection that swelled in his heart as soon as she reiterated her promise to stay. He knew he was growing dependant on her, and while it did not please him, he was willing to overlook the folly of it in favor of the solace it brought him.

"Good," he said, trying to put all of his gratitude and wonder into that one word. Good, but what he meant was thank you. You don't know what this means to me. He thought fleetingly (wistfully) of Valette and Krypton, but he had left them behind, and there was only Akuti to support him in this strange territory. Small stature aside, Grayday thought that it might be enough.

Slowly, he settled into her, pressing back against her touch so that she, too, would know that he wanted to be there, with her, even though she could also be difficult (trouble, noise). He'd always been intrigued by and drawn to the diminutive shewolf, and this strange and steady pulse of peace she brought him was simply a new faucet of what he had always recognized about her. Akuti was special. Difficult and entirely vexing at times, but special nonetheless. And, somehow, the peace didn't help sait the ever-present and ever-frustrating attraction he felt toward the woman, even though the milkscent had long since faded. That had increased considerably since that awful roller coaster of a night a few weeks before.

But Grayday could ignore that. As far as he was concerned, his chance to pursue a physical relationship with Akuti had ended there. He'd screwed it up, and besides, he didn't know how to go from whatever this was to hey, I really want to take you into the hills and go at it like a pair of rabbits.

In his experience, things had always happened the other way around.