Lost Creek Hollow i feel them creep inside

the days are a blur of patrols and filling food caches.

nights, a blur of squirming children.

and in the hours in between: dark webbings of thoughts; spidering out hungrily.

thoughts that he was little more than a skilled jester; playing whatever part suited him best at the time.

husband. father. subordinate.

none of which felt like him despite how much he craved it. craved it to be so —

those thoughts are banished; storm clouds darkening ingram’s expression as he forces himself to focus upon the simple action of walking and nothing else.

So many changes in such a short time and she was in a tail spin, but trying to keep it together for Silvertongue, for the male Akavir's babies, for Ingram, for herself, for their own children. But today she found herself on the fringes of the pack lands, blue eyes towards the sky, waiting, unsure for what, but waiting all the same. 

His nightwife was still among the wilds. TOO close to her home. There was something about that woman that caused Ash Paw deep unrest and it wasn't even the fact that her and Ingram were an item. No there was a deep disturbance to the she wolf and Ash Paw didn't trust her not to hurt someone, specifically one of the babes.

But that was neither here nor there. She curled her tail around her paws and sat silent and still.

ingram's path crosses with ash paw's.

he is quiet upon approach; ever stealthy like the shadows that hide him.

the addition of the creek's cubs has made ingram feels ... claustrophobic, though it is far from the only thing.

he does not agree — would turn them out if it was his choice.

but it, like many things, is not his choice.

he offers her a low chuff but nothing else.

She blinked and turned at his chuff a small inviting smile. She moved so if he wished he could settle near her. Ingram was still muddied waters to her. She didn't know what he expected or wanted from their relationship. Did he want just to be father. Did he want her mind, body, heart, soul? None of that, some of that. She just wasnt sure. But wandered how to ask. Granted she didn't even know what she wanted so many changes.

There is much changing. she pursed her lips and gave a little shudder. i am unsure of my footing.

she speaks of changes. of uncertainty.

it is a constant fight within ingram to find his own; for similar reasons and for different all together.

the dragonfang is not quite sure where he fits into the puzzle at all anymore. the edges crumpled from too many attempts at trying to fit them together; the picture muddled.

why did you agree to nurse the creek's cubs? whether it was meant to be taken that way or not: ingram feels left out on his children's behalf. it takes from our children.

and he is not happy about it.

and there was no discussion with me about it. but then, it wasn't fair to ask to be apart of things when he was often found on the borders; lurking like a guarding hellhound.

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I don't think she was leader yet during this.

Ash Paw's eyes snapped to him and she was pleased to see him at first and then he started and she lifted he head as she always did, with that haughty gleam in her eye.

And when would I have had time to ask you, Ingram? Hmm when you were fucking your ex wife? Or perhaps when you're at the edges of the pack lands? Oh and by the way you're ex wife is still lurking near the borders if she comes near our children I will kill her do you understand me?

She stood on much small paws and looked to him. And what was I to do when our leader asked me to do it? Hmm deny the request? To our leader? And to allies to boot? You explain to me how i get out of that without causing an issue? Not to mention they are children! Children who will die without mother's milk and I was the only mother at the time? And our children are practically weaned.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment. Though I Understand your ire. And perhaps I should have at least discussed it with you. But again when? I barely see you as it is, and the few times that i do seek you out. you don't seem to want bothered, so.

Blue eyes went open again. The fires still lit. She was still angry, but she was trying to be better. She was and she did understand.

she comes at him verbally with all the aggression she could possibly hold in her tiny body, spitting curse words at him and tossing in his face that he'd slept with his ex-wife. ingram doesn't wince; instead he meets her barbing words with a stony silence.

the way you keep throwing it back in my face is beginning to severely make me regret telling you. he tells her with an eerie calm; a low rumble on his words. i wanted us to be honest with one another, but i'm beginning to think it was a mistake.

they are not our problem. he wishes to tell her, but bites the scathing retort back.

fine, is what he settles for; suddenly feeling exhausted. she couldn't refuse and it was what he had to accept, no matter how much he didn't like it.

that's unfair, ash paw. do not put your words in my mouth, do not put your fears onto me and make it my issue. a heavy sigh lifts and then pushes ingram's shoulders back down; a small shake of his head given.

what are we doing? if we cannot be equals with one another, if we cannot forgive past transgressions ... then what are we doing?

She tilted her head and listened, a fire dancing in her eyes. Perhaps it had been an unkindness, but there was no denying that it was an issue. The act itself she didn't care. She hated that woman, there was something wrong with her and Ash Paw didn't know how to verbalize. She didn't scare Ash Paw exactly, no, what scared her is what that woman could do to her children. But she had no idea how to explain that to him, especially after his comment.

She lifted her head. The first time you lie to me is the last time you ever will and there will be no reconciliation. I will endeavor to not throw it in your face, for the record the act itself doesn't bother me as much as who it is. I don't trust her. She uses. She takes from those around her and gives nothing back, because she thinks she is better than everyone.

.He wasn't wrong. They weren't their problem, but Ash Paw is a healer, her first intent is to heal and he knows this about her, an if he doesn't, he should. She hurts when she must and when her ire is high. And then it isn't always a fairness.


Ash Paw sighed and shifted, shaking her fur out and then she stood to stretch, her body was often still and curled up around children, it hurt. Not that she would ever say.

Well. She furrowed her brow. We've never fully talked about what either one of us wanted Ingram. Just sort of jumped in with four feet. so.

She turned to look at him, meet his sea eyes with her sky. What do you want with our relationship? That makes it sound selfish, no. A frown on her pretty face. Do you understand what i'm trying to say? I know what I am trying to say, but not sure if I am clear.

ingram maintains his silence as she continues: stating that it wasn't the fact that it happened but that it happened with his ex-wife that bothered her.

i know who and what she is. he snaps. he knew so much better than anyone; feeling the dark seedlings of that obsession that had plagued him for nearly two years of his life.

he does not wish to argue this with her and it shows in the hard lines of his face. they could argue about his ex until the sun ceased burning ... and perhaps they would.

the idea exhausts ingram.

i asked you first. he refuses to set out what he desired without hearing what she wanted him from. he hadn't asked in direct words, but he thought his question had been pretty clear cut. he assumes she is deflecting.

his ear twitches and scarred muzzle lifts slightly.

she will always hunt me, you know. he says; quietly. a soft admittance to what he knows in the marrow of his bones. they were two deadly sins, two plagues that orbited one another. this was his truth and there was no sense in pretending otherwise. if that bothers you, if you cannot live with that ...—

a dreaded pausing hanging like the tip of a sword overhead.

then perhaps we should part ways.

A hardening of her jawline at his snap. And a raise of wolfish brow. A warning, he was playing with fire and was about to get burned. Though she kept her silence for now.

A tilt of downy muzzle. I am aware. The question was whom did he want. Was it always going to be a constant worry that he'd leave, that hed go with her. Or did he wish to share. This was where she was confused. Unsure what he wanted she couldn't make a proper decision.

Is that what you want? Because I'm not the one who said it.

Ash Paw growled softly. I cannot answer you because i don't know your rules. I don't know what parts of you are off limits and what aren't. I don't know if you wish to share you affections or if you want all of me. You don't make it clear. I refuse to give you everything if i don't get everything. That is what I want.

She nodded. I want what you are willing to give and i will give in return, but i must know what it is exactly you want to give. I'm an open minded wolf, Ingram but there must be communication for it to be true.

I refuse to give you every single facet of me if you don't return that. If i am too exhausting if this is to exhausting. Fine. Then you be father. If you want me fine you can have me, if you wish to share with others also fine. But you must tell me this.

So she supposed the answer was she wanted communication. She wanted to know where she stood and what he wanted from her so she could give it back. He didn't seem to want her body or her affection, yet he also preferred her near. He confused her.

ingram cannot seem to grasp anything concrete. his wants did not align to form any sort of clear picture despite that he did not want to keep arguing.

but they were too stubborn, the both of them. two forces of nature unwilling to bend.

i do not know. not an easy answer despite that it sounds so. its a truthful answer.

he is nothing but turmoil within.

Ash Paw studied him and he couldn't answer and that was an answer within itself. Certainly he had some does of affection for her as she did for him, but there was something within the both of them that resisted. Her's was the refusal to give up everything as her auntie, to a man who loved her, but couldn't just love her.  She refused to be that way.

A soft sigh. Oh Ingram. She murmured and then nodded. Very well. Hmm. I don't wish to argue there is too much turmoil in the riverclan as it is right now. So we will leave this set for now, seems we both have a lot to think about.

Standing to her calico paws she stared at him. I am here should you want me, the den is still yours as well, the children too of course. I will give you until next spring to figure out your feelings so that I can return what you are willing to give or to cut ties with me if you so wish. I only ask that you tell me what you decide.

She of course hoped he decided sooner than that, but that would give their children time to be raised by the two of them. His own children would be born to the island witch and he could decide if he still wanted to live with her. Ash Paw had realized then that despite that the woman used and abused, he too had let her and couldn't quite get her out of his head and his heart and she would not stand in his way. She ghosted forward and gave him a soft nudge and if he allowed a lick to his muzzle then she'd be gone back into the riverclan shadows and the den where their children lay.

she handles it better than he expects her to, given how fiercely she'd came biting at him. better, perhaps he recognizes, than he deserved.

a lot to think about, indeed, he muses to himself.

the quieted life that was riverclan, with the exception of his ex-wife's apparent haunting of the borders is ... not one that fits ingram.

he was a beast born for turmoil; war reaper since the dawning moments of his life.

i am going to take a few days for travel. maybe a week, he tells her, the sudden impulse gripping him. whether he would have an solid answer for her or not by then ... he couldn't and wouldn't promise.

Ash Paw felt the distance like a loss, but she shored up the walls of her heart and gave a nod. This wouldn't defeat her. If he came and told her he was done with her, that also wouldn't defeat her. She was related to queens, and she had the gods on her side. So she dipped her nose down.

Travel safely.

Then she turned and left him to his devices and his departing.