Jace strode to and fro back and forth. He knew he needed to speak to Amekaze, but he just couldn't make himself do it. This decision was life altering and he was about to screw her over hard, by stepping down. But he just needed some time, he needed to take care of Vienna and he needed to regroup. Thus far he was a terrible beta Really look at his track record. He had lost Ferdie, Had lost Leaf, had fought with Scimitar for no reason other than the other male annoyed the ever loving shit out of him. he had fought with Sumayl on two separate occasions over bull shit. Summer whom he was supposed to keep safe was a herb head and he didn't know where he had gone wrong.
He had done his best or at least he thought he did. He was loyal and trustworthy and almost always mannerly and morally sound. So what the hell had happened that was so wrong in his fucked up life to make him the way he was. Really he didn't know, but he'd been getting the shaft for a long time even though he tried his hardest to be good. At least it was how it felt anyway, but maybe...no ther ewas no maybe about it. It was his fault and he needed to take the punishment for it. So with a throw back of his head he howled for @Amekaze requesting her presence and soon.
She would often lose track of time entirely. Underneath the sun or the moon, hunting and patrolling bled her days together into what felt like a blur of perpetual motion. The task of fortifying the pack and ensuring it would be fed as winter deepened was a mighty one to undertake, but she had refused to lose steam yet. Even if.. she was perhaps a tad bit slimmer than she had been in the plentiful, easy summer months, but it translated to corded muscle and lean strength instead. At least her seasonal furs had grown in dense and wild, readied in full for winter's barrage.
So, licking the bloodied remnants of a quick meal of stoat from her muzzle, her ears swiveled intently towards the howl to listen. As unexpected as it was, she would answer dutifully all the same for it was Jace -- one she knew would not be summoning her without good reason, and especially considering that she had seen less of him as of late. His attention seemed to be on Vienna while she was busy trying to uphold all things.
She was in soon in motion to make her way to him, and upon sight of him, she greeted him quietly. Her ears splayed back soon after, sensing unrest.
![[Image: 5ifpFkc.png?1]](http://i.imgur.com/5ifpFkc.png?1)
i want to bleed in the 「r a i n」
He sat to his haunches and looked down at the ground, avoiding her gaze at all costs. He did not wish to see the fury or the disappointment there. THe disappointment would probably be worse than anger. Anger he could deal with, disappointment in his shortcomings and flaws he could not. He held enough disappointment inside himself.
Ame...i....I don't know how to begin so I'm just going to plow ahead. I...I would like to step down from Beta for a time. I wish to focus on Vienna and I feel as if I have rather failed you my friend very badly. I could not save Ferdie and I was supposed to protect Summer and I managed to allow him to almost kill himself with herbs...and I am hot headed I have fought verbally with Sumayl on two separate occasions now, mostly about my sister...but well I should have been a neutral party.
As her ears were already splayed, they soon slicked back as he began an explanation that was prefaced with a whine. She found herself with mixed feelings not long after. There was bad in this, no doubt, but.. not catastrophic. She got the sense that Jace was doing this to better himself, for he cited a slew of bad alongside it all (some of which she knew, some not.. like the details of Sumayl and him). Likely he wished to find his focus again, without the duties of Beta weighing him down as well. But it was poorly timed: winter upon them, the pack having grown decently lately, pack relations unknown, so on and so forth.
She was quiet for a beat, contemplating. If Jace did not feel himself fit, nor deserving, of the role for this time, then she had no place keeping him anchored down with it. Certainly, not all things have gone as planned -- although you are not wholly at fault for some of it.. but if this is what you wish, and if you feel it is best for you, then so be it.
As much as she hated to say it. After all, she had failed to find Ferdie too, not been able to rein in Summer before herbs got to his head, and not kept Vienna out of harm's reach. But, know, that I do not feel you have failed me, so do not let that weigh you down.
She meant this. Jace was valuable to her, hot-temper and all, and she paired the words with a stern expression.
While Ame did not know Jace to the same depths that Ferdie had, she knew there was much in the dark male's head that she could not understand. She guessed that Vienna was likely a lot of this, as she would be absolutely distraught in his place (if one considered her younger siblings, not her littermates, instead) but there was more at hand here.. something she could not quite see. But, Jace would always be her second.. a wolf she could converse freely to, and someone who's presence supported much of her own when she needed it. When the time was right for him to resume, he would know..
i want to bleed in the 「r a i n」
Jace gave her the ghost of a smile Thank you Ame. And yes I feel it is good for me for now. I am not saying that I won't take the mantle back up in time if you need me too, i just need a couple weeks to clear my head and get back to where I was.
There were very few that could understand the dark and sometimes ugly thoughts that flitted and fluttered throughout the night boys head. However, he also fought like a demon to chain them to his mind and not allow them to show themselves. He was a dark creature really, but he fought to stay neutral at least. Thank you Ame.
She kept her ears fanned back, and nodded softly. I understand,
she eventually murmured after he explained that yes, it was best. She knew this, but it hardly made it easier to digest. Not having Jace as Beta would feel strange for a while, that much was certain.
But he seemed committed to returning to the position with time, and she dipped her snout subtly to his thanks -- although she did not necessarily know why they were aimed at her. Perhaps for her understanding.. but it was not in her right to force him into the role if he did not wish to carry its weight. Come to me when you ready. Take the time you need,
she said, meaning there was no rush, but she did want to know when he was feeling more up to it. She guessed it would be whenever Vienna was feeling back to one hundred percent, and perhaps even a while after that. Ame could only guess how long it would take.
i want to bleed in the 「r a i n」
Jace studied her and a little uneasily he ghosted forward and nudged her shoulder gently. He would have offered a lick to the chin, but physical thanks and greetings and all of the above were foreign to him. He hated being touched and offering touches. He knew it was normal for all other wolves, he just wasn't normal. I'll do that and Ame you are a great leader. I just want you to know that. He swished his tail behind him.
He cleared his throat and spoke softly What is it that the pack needs right now? Do we need more game? More bodies I can work on those things while I get my head on straight. Vienna is doing better everyday.
She was feeling at a strange loss here, unsure of quite truly how to react and unwilling to relay too much until she had fully had an opportunity to consider this idea alone. She had never lost a leader, and never been the only acting one. This would warrant some adjustments on her end, but perhaps a challenge lurked in the deeper meaning here somewhere. But would anything really change all that much? Even without the title stuck to his name, or the formalities and flaws alike included, Jace would.. always be.
He shifted closer, and this was a touch more unexpected. She stayed still, watched him, and found herself uncertain how to respond to his words. More than once he had told her she was a good leader, although maybe not always so direct. She nodded slowly, because while she didn't disagree with him, this could be a test of whether or not that was true.
And thankfully, he gave her new focus. She straightened too. While we are not suffering by any means, more game could never hurt..
she said thoughtfully. Last winter the hunting was worst right at the end of the wintertime, so being prepared for that to possibly happen again is never bad.
They were at least decent when it came to membership. But she might have preferred more that.. stuck to their rankings, namely healers; she feared Mallaidh grew scarce. Good. She is tough,
she murmured, although it was a great relief to hear it. While she had not visited her much personally (usually she was occupied with Jace or Sumayl, and Ame had enough else to do) aside from dropping off an excess catch, Ame had worried greatly for Vienna. It brought her to a new matter, though. Rain is scouting out in the wilds, so I am eager to hear what news she may bring back -- if anything of note. She intends to visit other packs so I wonder if she may find news of a vicious cougar's whereabouts. I did tell her to be mindful of them, and I hope she returns alright..
Ame said with a growing frown.
i want to bleed in the 「r a i n」
Jace listened and smiled Will give me a chance to work on my gamekeeper mastery then. I could even train a couple more maybe. he grew quiet as he was thinking. To not worry about borders or patrolling or dealing with petty squabbles of the subordinates, perhaps this would be good for him to hone his own skills again, without added responsibility. Not that he shirked it ever.
Jace listened and frowned I really wish there was some way to get it to leave or to kill it. The cougar was harming too many, it had taken Ferdie. Though Jace strongly suspected the man had attacked it on his own, as time had moved on he had become increasingly unhinged. Then it had attacked his sister, yea the thing had to go.
Ame nodded, supporting the gamekeeper mastery. She already thought of him as the "lead hunter" around here, so that would only solidify it. Training more would always be good,
she said truthfully. A few had expressed interest in it upon joining (since nearly every wolf did say they could hunt when all else failed) but most of them hardly stuck around. I have been hoping to train some with a healer to better my own knowledge, but.. that has yet to exactly work out,
she sighed. Other than that, she was always keen to the opportunity to better herself as a warrior, but those seemed fleeting anyway with her usually occupied elsewhere.
If only we knew where to find it, I do not think it would live for much longer..
she growled. She would be happy to have it dead. It bothered her that seemed to always find a way to make trouble for the Sunspire, which led her to guess its home territory was nearby. Which also helped reaffirm to her that it was only one (or a scarce few) cats responsible. There couldn't be that many cougars in this region.. Perhaps it may become bold enough to come to the mountain one day..
she considered darkly. While bad, very much so, it would give them a chance to use their collective strengths against it. One howl and several Sunspire sets of teeth would answer.
i want to bleed in the 「r a i n」
Jace nodded yes it is obviously a stupid creature with a death wish. It bothered him too that the creature was about their mountain. One thing that was good was that they had no pups among them. We can only hope it will be bold and stupid enough to come here.
Ears back, she filed through the various aspirations wolves had given upon acceptance. Ghostwatcher, perhaps..
She remembered he had said his father had trained him well. Ame expected him to be skilled. And there is Zephyr, too, but I have barely scented her since she joined.
Ame frowned.
She hmm-ed quietly. I have considered it, but have not found the right opportunity yet,
she said on learning from another. She was certainly interested in a teacher, but packs complicated matters. While unwilling to be involved in some of the packs around here, there were just a few that she would consider at this time. Plus she had enough else to do.
And on the cougar, she wore a glowering frown in response. Hope so.
Of course there was more she wished to say on it, more hateful foul things that the beast made her think, but she just left it at that. Jace knew, though. His hatred may have ran even deeper, so it didn't need to be said. Listen, I will.. be going. So.. until next time,
she decided to mention since she was never very good at prefacing her goodbyes. Ame wanted to think on things alone for a bit, and was done here. She gave Jace a small, brief nudge then was off to a mountainside path.
i want to bleed in the 「r a i n」