Bitterroot Valley and without you is how i disappear

set a while before Lennon's flowers thread! for @Lanawyn xoxoxo I'm listening to MCR writing this

It was a lovely morning. Or so she thought upon rising. Seeing the flowers at a trio of wolves' paws--and Lennon's form moving away from the last--dragged her from high to low pretty damn quick.

With a huff, Lily stormed away, sitting on a small hillock, her black pelt rippling in the breeze. Anger rose like bile in her throat, and she swallowed thickly, lashing her tail in irritation. It was a peculiar kind of anger, too--rage tinged with sadness, and not a little self-loathing, either.

Was she just not good at this whole love thing? Sure, living among family, she hadn't really ever gotten into the habit of flirting, but she had always thought her natural ebullience would carry her through any romantic entanglement. Maybe she had spent too much time around kin, after all.

Mum and Daddy had discussed setting her up with one of the boys from the neighboring pack, but they never got around to it. Was it because they were afraid of losing her? Or was she truly the ugly duckling, the swarthy counterpart to Dottie, the ethereal silver goddess? Boys must be falling all over her, back home.

"Fucking hell," Lily cursed silently, hanging her head. She had thought he liked her. Maybe it wasn't enough. Maybe it never would be enough.

she felt much the same.

she had since she had arrived.  the eyes of her packmates remained on each other, and she felt like an unwanted shadow in their wake.  she actually stumbled upon the dour woman by accident — she, too, had noticed the flowers.  and although she wasn't interested in lennon (if only because her brother had claimed him first) it still stung.

she wasn't used to being rejected.

this sucks, she voiced, moving in close, you okay?

Movement nearby drew her attention, and she saw Lanawyn come close to her, with first a statement then a question. She snorted in wordless response, only offering a sour "No," a couple seconds later. They sat in silence for a moment, but before--hopefully--the other woman could leave, offended, Lily opened her mouth once more.

"Sorry," she sighed, looking over at her packmate. "I don't mean to take it out on you. It's just been a rough morning." Understatement. She knew that others had it worse--they always did--but that didn't change the fact that Lanawyn was right. This did suck.

Lily smiled softly, a small sad expression, at Lanawyn, giving her a long look. "I haven't spoken to you much at all," she murmured, her voice holding another apology. "I've sort of been lost in my own little world. How are you holding up?"

she couldn't be offended — had she been sulking alone and someone come and ruined her solitude, she would have acted the same way.

but before she even had time to reply, the girl was trying to make it better.  it's okay.  was it the flowers?  blunt, maybe.

her flews quirked up for a moment before falling back, the two women exchanged sorry smiles. it's okay.  i haven't spoken much to anyone.  i'm alright, she says.  suffocating, but alright.

Her mouth quirked wryly, and she nodded, begrudgingly admiring Lanawyn's intuition. "Yeah," she admitted with another wistful sigh, looking down. "I know it's not fair to be upset," Lily murmured at the ground, examining her paws. "But I am. I dunno. I guess I'm just jealous."

Lily looked back at Lanawyn, her expression grave. "Nobody has really spoken much to each other lately," she said morosely. "That's probably not a good sign."

The silence could be for a number of reasons. It was cold, they were tired from the constant travel, confused on where they were headed. . .  But the overall vibe of the group seemed different from when she had first met everyone. The bubbly group of hippies had transformed into a band of wolves that had their squabbles and problems--but was silent, for the most part.

She wondered why that was, and if she should cut and run before it got worse.

 

she shrugs.  if it wasn't my brother who was interested in him... i would be, too.  i understand.  there are like, no boys here.  

the conversation takes a turn and it's one she isn't sure she likes.  lily is right — it's quiet.  have faith.  i'm sure we'll find somewhere to settle down soon, and then i'm sure it'll get better.  i just hope we pick up some more eye candy, she says with a wink, nudging the girl on her shoulder.

 

Despite the gloom that hung over her, Lily laughed, eyes twinkling with mirth at Lanawyn's painfully true statement. "God, too right," she chuckled ruefully, wagging her tail. She was beginning to feel a little better; evidently and fortunately, the phrase 'misery loves company' didn't hold up in every scenario.

"I grew up in a pack where there was literally no one besides my family," Lily explained, shaking her head in faint dismay. "I had no friends outside my siblings and cousins. If I wanted to, like, get married or flirt or something, I'd have to leave. And now I leave and everyone loves somebody else!"

She looked at Lanawyn with an intrigued grin. "Were you with Alarian when he came here, or did you find him along the way?" It would be quite ironic, to come all this way to get away from family only to find yourself tangled up with your brother again. Then again, she felt a pang in her stomach as she realized that finding Freddie here might bring her the greatest joy of all. Greater even than romantic love.

 

she was delighted as the young girl's mood lifted, and it did a wonder on bolstering her own.  she knew what that was like.  lanawyn's upbringing was not the best thing to begin with.. and yes, it was all family.

then the girl had moved on. it was a question she was not prepared to answer, but would do her best to anyway.

uh.  he found me.  i just got out of ... a bad relationship, i guess.  we just didn't work together, and i woke up one day and he was gone and even though i wasn't surprised, i was hurt.

and i was wandering, alone and frightened and apathetic all at the same time.  and he found me and told me he had a family here.

she paused.

we grew up together, and it wasn't the best.  and i was never close with him, or really with any of my siblings.  i've always been —  she struggled, trying to find the words.  boring, is what she fell on, articulating flatly.  yes, that was it.  she was boring.

and i've been feeling really left out.  everyone's making eyes at each other and i'm just back here like, seriously?  it makes you feel like you're not pretty, like you're not worth anything.  another pause.  you are very pretty.  someone will be very lucky to have you one day, if you will.

 

Lily listened intently, though shook her head when Lanawyn insisted she was boring. Boring was not the word she'd use to describe Alarian's beautiful sister. Shy, perhaps, or aloof. . .but certainly not boring. Her face cracked into a bashful grin at the compliment, and her gaze raked the ground for an instant before returning to Lanawyn's face.

"Thank you," she murmured. She tilted her head. "Same for you, you know. We're just both unlucky, right now." She surmised it must be true. Lily didn't think either of them were plain or unwanted by any means.

of course this sweet girl protested when lanawyn called herself boring, but it was the truth.  she was a fae, a ghost, staring hungrily and greedily at those with the ability to drift about conversation with enrapturing fluidity.  even though she was remarkably beautiful in her proportions and colour, nobody had ever taken the time to see her as more than just her body.

you're welcome, she says, but does not accept the compliment.  really, the girl is just trying to be nice.  we are.  maybe some more boys will find their way to us soon, she accentuates with a roll of her shoulders.

She shrugged with a small chuckle. "God, I hope so. Maybe--" Her eyes slid devilishly to meet Lanawyn's, lit with a newfound plot. "Maybe we can go looking for boys. There's gotta be some around here."

Oh, how she wished Freddie was here! Lily was sure he would fall instantly in love with the gorgeous Lanawyn, and well, everyone fell in love with Freddie, so she wasn't concerned about the girl reciprocating those feelings. They would make beautiful children, and Lily would have nieces and nephews to play with!

"You're lucky to have Alarian here," she murmured, smile turning a little sad. "I would give anything to have my brothers here. Even Jimmy. . .even though he's sort of boring." Jimmy and Dottie had been the serious pair of the bunch; Freddie and Lily laughed at everything.

oh my god, that sounds great.  even if ti didn't lead anywhere, maybe they could find someone and lead him on together.  she just needed, well, something.

she sucked in a breath.  i.. i'm sorry.  but you're my famil too, now.  it was all she had to offer the girl but she hoped almost desperately that it would be enough.  i hope they find their way to you.

Lanawyn made her laugh further with that sentiment, but she sobered up pretty soon after, when the girl expressed that she was family. A tinge of joy entered her sadness, turning it into a bittersweet tidal wave of feelings that washed over her like spring rain. She smiled, eyes lit with delight.

"Me too, but. . .I'm so glad I found you all!" Her voice, slightly choked, chimed into the cool air, her breath a white puff of fog. "Thank you, Lana. . .I'm proud to call you family."

She gave her friend a playful nudge with her ebony muzzle, grinning wider. "Wanna go find those boys?" Lily quipped, face set in a wink. "Or at least find a bite to eat?" She, as expressed many times, was not much of a hunter--but she was willing to try, if it meant food and further bonding time with Alarian's beautiful sister.

if lanawyn was into girls, she would have had her cake and eaten it too.  still, this was an experience she could not pass up on.  she was glad that lily took it so well, that it did not come off forced or pandering.  

i'm glad, lily.  i am very happy to call you my sister.  she nuzzled into the other girl for a moment before pondering her next suggestion.  both of those sound great.  maybe we could start up a cache?

Sister. She nuzzled Lana back, the same sort of thoughts running hrough her mind. Had Lily been interested in women, she would have taken Lana and ran with it. As it was. . . The image of Lennon laying flowers before other girls sprang to her head, and she scowled, though she was quick to wave it away almost as soon as it had popped up.

"That's optimistic," Lily giggled, padding away and gesturing for Lanawyn to follow. "I couldn't catch a corpse."

Still, perhaps Lana could teach her a thing or two.

ok to close this out?