Northstar Vale Entropy

It had been approximatly a week since he had been in the empire. he had been avoiding the dramageddon that was unfolding. honestly it was easier to keep the secrets he held while staying away. how long could he keep this up. 

 the truth was t e a r i n g him apart. 

 He had told Vespera he would bring her food and on and off again he had. he hadn't exasclty been mr. reliability. she understood. plus, her children were getting older and she was able to get out and about a bit more. something he was thankful for. vespera had made it clear from the beginning she didn't want someone that took care of her. he supposed it made her feel weak. for some reason it also made him sad. he wanted to take care of her and the children. 

 it was something he ran from. perhaps her estranged husband would return for her and his children soon. still, all of those feelings had been pressed from the mind. he had assumed the time would never come and he was all the more certain it never would. he was already conflicted about reiko. he missed yuudai. he mourned for hiromi. perhaps the feeling he had experienced was simply his soul trying to grasp something good. it was probably a lie. 

 he arrived outside of her den with a fish hanging from his mouth and set it down. his head poked inside of the den and he whispered her name softly, "vespera," 

 he had finally begun to put weight back on his body and his features were more evenly filled out. the time as an unofficial loner had also helped deepen his muscles and so he stood with more apparent sinew. that would likely disappear if he could be happy again. that would be a long time coming.

Vespera was deep in her den with her squirming pups as they were already playing with each other, but she didn't have the mental strength to join them as their squeaks rang through the den. The pups were happy, but she couldn't bring herself to meet their excitement which she normally would have done but after that convo with Reiko, she just couldn't bring herself to do anything anymore. But the familiar and warm voice of Collision brought her out of her thoughts and she craned her head up with a miserable expression that she tried to fix so that Collision wouldn't suspect anything.

Vespera sighed and brought herself to her feet and slumped to the mouth of the den with bags in her eyes and a lifeless stare as she stared onto his face. "Oh, Hi Coll," she tried to muster up some sort of happy greeting but it was short of her usual spunk so it just came off as monotone. The Duchess's eyes lazily looked down at the fish that he had brought which she had totally forgotten that he was helping her while she was nursing her pups. "Thanks," she mumbled and took the fish into her mouth and turned away back into the den and set the fish somewhere in a place that the pups would hopefully not get to for she couldn't bring herself to eat it.

She greeted him. There wasn't much enthusiasm, and he could at least reciprocate that. He didn't have to fake anything with her and nor did she with him and for that he was at least thankful. He watched as she took the meal back inside and waited for her to come out again. He seated himself outside of her den and allowed the exhaustion he felt to overtake his eyes. She would understand and she wouldn't condemn him for how he felt. 

 "How..." He began to ask her how she was but his voice trailed off. He knew exactly how she was. How they were. Devastated. 

 "I'm sorry I've been away. I...know I didn't leave the empire...I couldn't. I was too concerned about the state of things. After I broke the news to everyone and then spoke with Hiromi...I grew worrisome about Reiko. I'm so mad...but...she asked me to be her guard once upon a time...and I guess I can't help but to still feel inclined. I worried for you," She was out of the spotlight. That was what he had wanted, but there was always the fear she got found out. There was always the fear Takeshi would come for her as he had come for Hiromi. It was better to stay here and make sure a hand was never lain on them.

Vespera stood sulking in her dead as Collision began to explain himself and she could just tell that he wasn't happy. She was at least thankful to not be alone in that. He stated how he was just too concerned to leave the Empire and he told Hiromi about their little secret which didn't really bother Vespera. Then he mentioned Reiko, just hearing her name stung as she closed her eyes with the tears returning back, and her mixed feelings about how their conversation went down also made a return.

Was Vespera wrong?

Was Reiko wrong?

Were they both wrong? She didn't know.

"Reiko isn't fine... You can thank me for that..." she mumbled as her depression started to take hold of her once again, "Takeshi had injured her and left her bruised and scarred. I tried to talk to her but I think I made things worse..." the woman's voice started to break once again as her emotions came flooding in, "but she dishonored Yuudai's name by calling him an idiot for standing up to Takeshi... Yuudai has more honor than anyone in this whole damn lot.." Vespera's anger returned as well as she clawed the ground while her pups didn't seem to take notice of their unstable mother. "I told her off by stating that none of this wouldn't have happened if she just did something about Takeshi earlier but she didn't listen to me... I tried to tell her that she was wrong to call Yuudai an idiot but it just got worse and it became a screaming contest..." all the honesty was in her words because she felt that she shouldn't have to hide her true feelings from Collision, she trusted him now.

"She is hurt... And I made it worse... But she was wrong to piss on Yuudai's name... I won't stand for that.." She gave a shaky huff as her tears had made a puddle from where she stood, hurt and broken.

"I ruined everything, Collision... This plan was a mistake... And I was the one who made it happen... Everyone is hurt because of me just because I have a grudge against those who aren't deserving of power..." she was trying to make her voice not crack under pressure but it was getting harder and harder as she spoke her truth.

Collision watched as the pain took hold of her. As the tears wet her face and cascaded down her. His own pain intensified as he noted what had endured between Reiko and herself. The truth of all this time unfolding in a damning way. Takeshi had not struck him as a just leader, but that truth became even more clear as he realized he had abused their empress. She had chosen a path of pain and desertion to try and protect them. To try and guard them from an uglier truth. Was that the noble thing to do or the cowardly? Why had Reiko asked him to guard her if she had never intended on telling him these things? He thought she had trusted him....Alas, this was not about him. 

 It hurt him to think that Yuudai's name had been dishonored, but he didn't think it was meant to be a drag. It was likely meant to try and protect some sense of pride she had in this. That did upset him. There was so much pride entangled in all of this. Collision was tired of it all. 
 
 She began to blame herself. A trembling mess became her and Collision without thought brought himself towards her. He attempted to lay his head over her shoulder and offer her a hug. Let her know that his strength could become her own and simple 'shh' fell from his lips. He would pull his head back, successful or not in his hug, and look at her, "Do not blame yourself. Nothing has been done that requites you to take the blame. The plan did work though, because Reiko finally admitted what needed to be said. Reiko broke. Now we can do what needs to be done without her stanind in the way. Vespera...you're so much stronger than you've needed to be and I think you've had to hold the weight of the world for too long. Even before all this, but don't bring yourself into self-blame. We won't get anywhere this way,"

Vespera knew that she was in so many wrong deep ends that she was lost, her pride and stubbornness lead to many messes that she couldn't fix, she was now starting to see how wrong she was in all this. If Reiko was going off the deep end, then Vespera only had herself to blame in this mess, she created this whole lie about Yuudai being dead because she didn't want anyone to be hurt anymore. Perhaps she was doing more harm than good, perhaps she should never open her jaws again because all that leaves is a disaster. The Duchess was no leader, she was no example, for no matter what she did, she always made things worse.

Now she really wished she had finished the job.

But in her sobbing, Collision approached her, resting his head on her shoulders in an attempt to be comforting. Normally, she would have snapped him away because she didn't want anyone touching her but she let him embrace her, she let him try and soothe her which did grab the attention of her little ones. Soon Joheras and Isadora came wobbling up to her mother and Collision as best as they could because they haven't really fully developed their senses and were only using what they had. Her two whelps waddled with small curious whines up to Collision for they were confused why there was a new body near their mother. Was he their dad? They had no idea.

The Guard tried to be soothing but Vespera knew what he was trying to do, "save it... You're just trying to make me feel better Collision... There is nothing for me now... Sometimes you just break something so much that it cannot be fixed," her words barely came out as a whisper.

She took his embrace and didn't run from him, and for that Collision was glad. That meant their friendship was respected and even if she didn't admit it then at least he knew she took some kind of comfort in him. He wanted her to stop being so hardened for just a moment, but it was quite clear she would fight this. Collision more than observed it...he noticed it. 

 Her children came forward with quiet whimpers of confusion and he looked at them and smiled. He hadn't actually gotten to see them yet. She had beautiful children. They were a blessing. 

 It made what she said next all the much harder. His ears flattened against his head, "Fine. Then I won't make you feel better," There were many problems that needed to be discussed and handled...but right now she needed a reality check so that things could be handled, "You're blind," 

 He looked at her with unwavering confidence and he felt a peace wash over him, "You say you have nothing, but I see these two life's you created and you are responsible for. They are everything. Anything can be fixed, Vespera. And let me tell you another thing....You're so wrong even beyond them. There's me, and I'm never going to stop being there for you,"

Vespera didn't notice that her pups had taken a curious liking to Collision, in fact, Joheras was trying to inspect him further as much as he could with Isadora not far behind. But Collision quickly changed once she said that she really didn't want his pity because she knew it was hopeless to try and convince her otherwise. So, he did the best thing a friend could give, a reality check, but he did have a poor choice of words when starting his little speech. 

Collision called her blind which only worsened her feeling for Reiko had also said the same thing which in turn called Vespera to have a wave of tears as she silently cried more. He went on about her pups and how they were a miracle to her, "but what would happen to them once the plan comes in a full circle? That we lied to Reiko? She would have them killed!" She told him in a sharp whisper that made it sound like she was desperately wailing, "she would never forgive me!" Her sobs were coming out more clear and her pups were confused by their mother's sudden mood change so they whimpered along with her.

But, Collision stated that she had him, was he right? Was she really not alone? Of course, she was, she had made Reiko feel alone, "I thank you deeply Collision... You are a strong one.. but.. I just.. I don't know anymore..." she was so lost that she really couldn't fathom to speak anything self deprecating or positive, she just couldn't anymore.

Her concern was a valid one to have, but the cost she was wagering this would be was much higher than he would even dream. Some form of paranoid onslaught within her and he shook his head, "Reiko isn't that far gone. I don't think she ever could be, Vespera," His tone was level and his gaze unwavering for her, "If she ever ran that course she would have to go through me and I'd wager I might win," His tone was only meant for humor. Truth be told he'd never harm Reiko--restrain her if this was a serious concern, but he would never hurt her and Vespera knew it. He had plenty of reason to do so this far--though it seemed the new knowledge stopped him. 

 "Then I'll show you," He stood before her and he offered her a small smile. His tail moved behind him slowly and he hoped she would understand the levity of his words, because they would always be heavier than any problem that stood in her way or any creature that was rumbling round in that head of hers. 

 Joheras approached him and soon Isadora did as well. He laid down on the ground before them and allowed them to come and inspect as they so desired to do.

Collision tried to convince Vespera that Reiko wasn't that far gone but he honestly didn't believe her, yet the female would keep those thoughts to herself for she knew how the male would respond to her doubts. Her friend kept a level gaze with her as he spoke which gave Vespera a weird but familiar feeling, what was it about him that made the Duchess... Interested in him? There were really no males besides Yuudai that treated her with loyalty and respect. This wasn't the time to think about it. The man did his best to joke about how he would win which Vespera actually thought that he would win that fight so she just offered him a small smile.

He then said that he would show which was accompanied by a smile, a thing that Collision was so good at doing. But what did he mean by this? What broke her train of thought was her young approaching Collision out of pure curiosity which Vespera was okay with, she trusted Collision with her young. The male laid himself down so that her pups could further inspect him, in fact, Isadora, took full advantage at this for she was starting to get hungry and wanted her mother's nutritious milk. But she was so far away from her mother that the walk back would be excruciating for her little noddle legs.

So the panda put figured Collision could spare some right? All adult wolves could give milk right? Well, she was going to find out. The tailless pup waddled towards Collision's stomach while her brother went for his paws. The whelp got close to his stomach and tried to feel for any tiddies to suckle on but to no avail, so she moved down a bit towards an area she really shouldn't be inspecting. Once she got close enough to something that was resembling of something similar to a tiddie, she sniffed it to see if she could find the place to suckle on it, but Vespera noticing this got hot with embarrassment and her face swiftly switched into one of panic and quickly craned her head forward and gently pulled Isadora away from him much to her protests.

The mother placed the hungry little whelp near her own milking station so that she could get the nutrition she desired, "i-i'm sorry," she stuttered with her face hot as an awkward chuckle arose from her throat.

Vespera was a good mom, gentle with her children, and yet retained some firmness. Perhaps these babes would give her the peace she so clearly sought out. Time would tell--first they needed to bring peace to her home. Collision knew that his next stop needed to be seeing Reiko and seeing what all the chaos surrounding her was after everything. Something wasn't right. Hell, it hadn't been for some time now. 

 His eyes drifted to the children as they waddled around and inspected him. The one that came to his paws he began to play with. His paws reaching for his own to play a mock game of tag. He kept a gentle smile and sniffed at Joheras. Much the same as the promise he had never verbally made to Reiko he would protect them at all costs. Always. 

 A sudden chill spread over him as a pup sniffed it's way. His back leg moved forward to protect his body and he looked at Vespera as she snatched Isadora up. He rolled his eyes playfully and shook it away, "Kids, eh?" A little awkward tension. No big deal. 

 "They're clearly hungry though. Perhaps you should do the mom thing and I'll go do the friend thing. I ought to speak with Reiko and smooth things over," He rose back to his feet and stared at her, "Do you need anything?"

There was a bit of awkward tension after Isadora pulled that little stunt but it was quickly glossed over as Collision tried to cover it up with a joke which Vespera responded with a more confident chuckle to try and ease the situation. But he was right, they were hungry which was more prominent when Joheras started to make some small whimpers to which Vespera was swift to respond to by craning her neck and gently grabbing the squeaking boy by the scruff and brought him near his sister where they could both suckle happily.

Vespera looked at Collision as he stated that he needed to smooth things with Reiko, perhaps it was best that he tried to defuse the ticking bomb before the Duchess attempts at it. The woman nodded in thanks, "thank you for all that you do Collision," she breathed with sincerity, then the male asked if there was anything that she needed do which the dark woman really couldn't think about but one thing.

"I need to speak with Reiko..." She looked at him with honest and pleading eyes, she was nervous since she was not really good at things like this. Vespera can apologize as demonstrated with Ira but the Empress was a different situation all around, how could she handle this? "I don't know what to do or say... But it would be best if you spoke with her first... I need time to think," her head moved to look at her pups as a wave of uncertainty hit the woman, what can she say that wouldn't deepen the wound?

Collision had thought about a lot and knew everything was coming to a climax. He didn't know what was to become of any of them after it all either fell apart or found its way to mend back together, but he wanted to know. He wanted to see it through. 

 His eyes fell on Vespera and her young and he gave her a subtle hum as she thanked him. A gracious nod fell from him his head and a smile tipped his lips. 

 "I'll go speak with her first. It's time to make things better," Collision had decided there were things she needed to know and air that needed to be clear and with that he would turn to go do so. Swallowing his pride he would go before their Empress and offer his apology, his condolences, and his heart once more. 

[exit]

Collision suggested that he speak with her first which would be an amazing idea. The woman nodded in thanks, "thank you... Better you than me," she muttered as the male made his exit.

She tended to her young just to get the situation out of her mind, but it wasn't that simple.