The Sentinels don't take that sinner from me

dated for march 8, if you're not okay with these assumptions pls let me know!!

like a ghost, she spent the two days wandering. atka looked as much too. a sick feeling rose her stomach, rather sudden compared to the numbness that embraced her. she had not remained to see the ending of the fight. the comfort of nothingness that held her was ebbing from her body rather fast when the scent of blood wafted her way.

she wondered if the cause was her nearness to the deepwood weald, but she did not smell the rotting body she imagined. atka tried to push herself past it, the man she loved being the man he said he was. she told him he was wrong.

atka was wrong.

she followed this scent. @Dreven couldn't die. she'd left him alone and he was truly all she had, as unhealthy as it was. they would fix it! she could fix this.

Red eyes searching. Searing. He was half mad in pain, infection falling from the gnarl of matted and ripped flesh near his throat.

He was pushing himself on sheer spite. Even if Atka didn't want him near. He'd keep others away from her.

He found a nearby tree and leaned his tired battered body against it. And hung his head low. Maybe a little sleep.

Right eye and temple bitten, deeply. Part of his cheek. His throat was torn open right above jugular. It is infected

sorry i messed up that tag, meant to get this rolling sooner! :,)

the concentration of the smell was thick here. blood, infection, him, and the rage she swore was heavy in the air. the agitation swelled just as the pity did. atka loved him, but had never been more enraged.

"oh, dreven." she croaked, slowly and hesitantly stepping up with a low head.

sunlit eyes flicker over him in worry as deep breaths short of crying racked her. had her delay and emotion meant his death? could she fix this?

no worries

Dreven was slipping into a blissful unawareness when something caused him to jolt awake and snarl.

He blinked his blood filled eye and turned. His vision blurry. He took a deep breath on an inhale. At first he only smelled his own sickness. Bile and rotten.

A tilt of an ear. It hurts gods it hurt to talk. But he tried. Hey.

He couldn't say mire. Closed his eyes on the wave of pain in his head. At the pulling sickening feeling of rotten flesh overfilled with infection.

the sickness added a weight to the air, where it was fresh and briny, it now only brought grief and choking. she swallowed hard, and walked up closer. atka kissed his face where it was untouched with wounds.

oh, how she wanted to scold him and scream at him! she wished to cry, hurt him back, but hold him all the same.

"shh, lay down. do not try to speak. i will return in a few moments." she looked around at the tall trees.

the forest did not conceal its secrets; for it showed death and new life together. the snowy woman exhaled a sharp breath, moving quickly to seek something to begin to fight this infection. she was sure it would depend on his body's strength, it's will to live, but she would try. by atka's gods, she would try. she sought the devil's club, the leafy plant and it's roots bringing life to those that fought infection time and time again with her people.

Dreven shifted to give her access to parts of his unwounded face. It still hurt a little. But he presevered.

He sunk to his knees and then pressed to his belly. A groan left him. Ams he sighed.

He wanted to watch her. But he felt his conscious drifting. He fought it.

she returned in tow with flora of many kinds, paws dirty and browned as she'd dug for roots. atka stared at a face that revealed itself to waving in and out of consciousness.

"you will be alright." she softly whispered before going to work of making poultices.

she pressed damp leaves to covered wounds untouched by infection, ones of soothing to slow bleeding of unscabbed areas and ease pain all the same.

"why did you do it? her voice remained quiet, tears freely falling onto him as she worked.

she did not think he'd answer, but she would hear him!

A dark chuckle. I don't believe in miracles, Snow. But your skill I do. So.

He felt hia body warring against itself. He was so tired. So tired. Would it really hurt to just sleep? His adrenaline was fading.

He blinked. His brain fuzzy. I had only meant to scare. Then he was bristling and angry and i remember nothing else.


[

a deep frown graced her face as she dressed his wounds carefully with meticulously chewed and mixed poultice.

"you killed a man... for just being there." they had no claim on the area, those woods homing strays just like themselves.

she had nothing else to say to him as she worked. dreven will not die, a chant in her mind. her love stirred a desire to help him, but would it be enough to forgive him?

There was a lack of warmth. He could feel the icy chill of her disapproval in the air. And he felt bad he had upset her. But not about his actions. He had told her, repeatedly.

She frowned deeply and spoke and he froze. Red eyes gleaming. Then let me die. I have done worse besides. So let me die.

He shifted and pushed himself to his feet. Why waste energy on someone she was angry with. Someone she very possibly couldn't stand anymore.

A flick of tattered ear. Blunt broken body. He side stepped and moved away from her.

Don't waste your energy on me. Go find Moontide and Heph and be happy. I told you once before, Snow. Don't paint an angel where a devil resides.

Each word left him growling in pain. Every step was agony, but he would find a wide open place. And he would lay down and let the world decide whether it wanted him or not.

im so sorry he's such a meaney

atka stared hard at him, head shaking in slight movements of disbelief. her eyes glassed over as every emotion she'd ever imagined had flickered in what she'd felt like was dying heart.

"dreven." her sides revealed heavy, sharp breaths. "stop!"

even if the man did not stop, she'd only shout louder. atka was stuck, frozen to her core; her bones were as stiff as rock.

"i've done no such thing! i knew all of this, don't be a fool, dreven!" she knew what he'd done, little details but large pictures of death and cruelty.

"i loved you! with all of that, but i can't-" all of it, the blood he'd spilled, the lives he'd taken.

she only wished- from the first days of blanketing herself with his presence, was for the number to remain what it was. it had not. her own cry had cut her enraged voice.

"WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?!" she was nothing short of screaming now. "YOU DID NOT LOVE A CRUEL WOMAN, DREVEN!"

you did not. 

old habits die hard.

As if a puppet on a string. He stopped. Even now. Ever the loyal beast. Ever the slave, the servant. Had he ever truly thought for himself? From a pit of despair he had left. Into a wilds teeming with life.

And he had traded one master for another. And then another. Though this cruel master could break him easier than anyone ever could.

Every beat of a breath was agony. Every step. He had crawled half of the time after being ripped open to find her. To protect her. And all she could see was a beast.

His blood spilled onto the grassy floor. The bitter scent of pus and bile staving away any other smell. His eyes were narrowed and slatted. He breathed as if gutted. The agony in his throat was nothing to the one in his ever beating heart when she said loved.

Loved. You loved. So your love is that easily thrown aside.

He blinked. There is no was.

He drew his head up. Pain making him wince.

I will never fall so easily out of love for you. There is no conditions. I maybe a beast Atka, but I'm not fucking heartless. So perhaps you loved me, but I still love a gentle woman.


His heart was beating erratic and his vision swam. Dizzying. He tried to keep a hold of the edges of his consciousness. But it was fading fast.

ooooooooooooh the angst I LOVE IT LMAO

atka only cried more, shying into herself with furrowed brows and bared teeth. perhaps she shouldn't have said it, this pain was not caused by any she did not love; but she'd listened to him, let him speak. she needed to hear every thought that he had. he had to give her something, anything!

"what gentle woman-" she laughed through her tears, continuing to cry. "wha- what gentle woman, dreven, would i be if it were only directed towards you?"

her voice became breathy, leveling out with calmness as feelings became more concrete.

"i cannot be the only one you have a heart for." she answered him with her eyes a fire of rage, sadness, and guilt. "you... you know what, dreven?! i don't want to love you, but i do! that's the fucking truth! why would i care so much if i didn't? i might look upon two strangers murdering each other and be angry, but this, this is so much more because i love you. i let on all this fucking guilt, dreven, that does not. belong. to me. i've wondered, these two days-"

she stopped, looking at a man that death seemed to be tearing him downward. her lips quivered with her shaking body now. she sighed, trying anything to stop it, but only ragged breaths came to her.

"did i kill that man? did what i give you, dreven, fuel that power and rage or have you not let go of all that you were? and- and what sort of man would be if i hadn't lost..." and then through gritted teeth, quieter, "if i hadn't lost them. would you have let go of it all then?" 

if her was dying, so much of her would go with him. atka imagined there wouldn't be much left.

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Dreven is a trip.

Dreven wanted to help. He wanted to rip out his own heart and hand it to her still fucking beating if it would make her stop crying. But it wouldn't and he couldn't.

He blinked. Her words didn't fully make sense. She was gentle to everyone. It was why he cared so damn much. Why he worried. That someone else would hurt her.

Dreven stared her down. Red eyes on her face. Snot covered and teary.
And god help him she was still fucking beautiful. But she was wrong. He loved no one other than her.

But you are.

He physically winced as if she landed a blow upon him. She didn't want to love him. Then why did she stay. Why didn't she take her feelings and leave with them. Lay them down and forget about him. She probably could.

I killed him. Me. Not you. Not the fuckers that hurt you and not the babies you lost. Me. Maybe i haven't let it go. Maybe I was scared they'd hurt you. Maybe i got lost in my head. Maybe all of it. But don't blame yourself for the wolf I am.

His one leg gave out and he growled as he keeled forward. He pushed upwards. It took two tries to get back to his feet. He stared at the ground as it swam and writhed as if alive.

she could not hear it, she could not hear that he thought they’d hurt her. atka could not align herself with such a thought, and then, suddenly, she could. there were few lingering scents of another there, enough to not be over powered with blood and death. she thought of the stranger, loved, perhaps traveling home in this season. a season of birth and new life.

”see, there. dreven it’s right there.” she said, defeat and weariness clear on her body.

atka watched him as he stumbled, taking a few steps forward and pausing. she’d done what she’d could, dressed his wounds and medicated them to her best. time was the only answer that would come to them, and so far, his faltering and pain did not show promises.

”it is me. fear, because of me.” her head titled lowly to catch his blood-red eyes. ”i don’t imagine any died, while i was gone, dear.” 

she also knew the rest of his words were true, he had not let go of it. he had gotten lost in it. he was afraid, but dreven was also cruel and murderous in the face of it.

It had been the truth. And perhaps part of him had been angry and hurt still. Because when she had gone missing. He had thought she left and it had broken his soul. But he couldn't tell her that. She'd feel she was to blame. And she wasn't to blame for his flaws and his shortcomings and his feelings they were his own.


Dreven wondered if he died today or tonight. If it would be a relief for her? To be able to lay her feelings to rest with him. Perhaps he shouldn't fight so hard to stay alive. He had always fought for life, but what if for his last gift he gave into death? Would that be better?

A quiet guttural growl. Blood bubbled at the corner ofhis mouth and popped as the wounds on his face reopened.

Then you imagined wrong.

Finally, his body gave out and he hit the ground with a loud thump. Head finding rest on the cold hard dirt.

You did what you could. Now leave before I get better or die. Or you'll never get away from me. If thats what you want

:OOO

she'd imagined wrong. she started to laugh again with a quick transition to high pitched breaths and whines with her cries. then he'd fallen. atka wanted to as well. the rock that she felt in her throat was unbearable, and it would not go away for a very long time. he'd reassured her efforts, and should he get better, what would they do?

she had been foolish. time and time again atka told him he was not who he said he was and she was wrong. dreven was a killer and atka loved him. she felt like as much of a ghost as she looked.

slowly and carefully, she stepped forward pressed her nose to her forehead. atka lingered like that for a moment, searching for his scent past all of the blood and sickness.

but they ain't easy to tame. and if the woman ain't up for it, well they usually end up broke too.

she recalled the sadey's words with closed eyes, wondering if this is what that felt like.

those kind they like the good, makes em wish they were better, but they just can't.

"i'm sorry." she whispered.

atka had truly felt he was right, she would never get away. even will all the love, the words, the safety, the nights, all of it, there would still be death and evil. she decided it would not be enough. she knew death and its fingertips, it had touched her once before and ones that she'd loved. atka would not be beside someone who worked at it's hands and could never stop.

"goodbye." should he live, he'll likely see her again.

she stepped away, static filling her ears and drowning out everything as she walked. her tears were dry and her face bleak. it had taken everything from her.

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Her whines broke his ear drums. Making his head thump harder each time. It hurt. Gods did it hurt.

Dreven had wanted to change for Atka and truth be told he probably could of if he let himself. But living years in the blood and the dirt and the mire. Well those kinda stains never came off ya. He was proof incarnate.

She was against him. He drew her scent in. He knew what this was amd damned if it didn't fucking kill him worse than any wound ever had.
But he had always seen the writing on the wall. Had tried to warn her time and time again. His soul would darken hers and it had.

He shifted. Live better than me, Snow.

Then he closed his eyes, finally giving into the darkness at the edges of his gaze. Unsure if he'd wake up in the morning and he didn't give a shit. She'd murdered him in a second. He was already dead.