Moonspear I'm Upset

vela speaks a partial truth to roarke that the fearghal-ansbjørn considers with a contemplative noise and a small nod of his head. he has worked his whole life to make the trials that are placed before him complicated ...and yet, there are things out of anyone's control that can easily prove to be challenges but he does not say this. perhaps it's all a perspective. she sees the world in a very different way then roarke does but he knows that is because their experiences are starkly different and when thought of that way it makes sense. "i want to be a leader," he speaks it without needing time to think of it. "someday i want to be the leader of my own pack." he does not speak of moonspear specifically, of course. he means it in a very broad, very general way. he has no designs to take over a pack. it is not of his own creation, dedication. he wants to build his own kingdom. he wants the satisfaction of putting in the work and seeing it all come to fruition. "and i want you by my side." he speaks to her, watching her for a reaction.

"but i know i am not ready to be a leader of anywhere let alone try to start my own pack." he adds quietly, briskly even. the admission tastes like ash and roarke imagines the words burn in his mouth even as he rushes to get it out. it's not easy admitting that he's not ready to be what he aspires to be ...but it's a baby step in the right direction he tells himself. "i won't try to commit myself to those responsibilities, to that path before i can commit myself to you. you're important to me and i want to commit myself to you vela. fully. my ruhtinatar," he croons the affectionate nickname he gave her, the tundrian rolling off his tongue like honey. "if you'll take me." he finishes. he's made his choice and now she has to make her's. her's is the choice that would very well decide their fates and whether their destinies remained intertwined or not; and if she does not choose him ( he would not and could not blame her ) then he knows he would walk away without fuss.