Blackfeather Woods [m] i've known everything but this

Yes, he knew what to do. It should have been easy to focus upon Maegi in this moment; she crooned to him, her voice imbued with more lust than love (but really what was the difference) and it was what he'd always wished for. Someone to love him, someone he could love in exchange — she was his everything he knew how to achieve what she wanted. Yet as Titmouse doled out his affection he found his mind wandering to the hazy memories of his past; these things which no longer mattered but at the same time, seemed so important in the moment. All those blunders — all those people he has wronged, and none more-so than his own sister R— one of the namesake birds of the woodland shrieked a call above them, and launched from its roost.

Jarred from the wandering thoughts, Titmouse stutter-stepped, drawing hesitantly away from the flank of his beloved. He was shocked by the visceral reaction of his body and felt the passion wilt for a moment. Maegi was still consoling him — yearning for him, claiming to trust him, but something rotten lived deep inside of Titmouse; some black mark, festering and polluting him. He resisted the pull of her desire in lieu of a lingering self-doubt, and turned away. The last thing that Titmouse wanted to ever, ever do was hurt Maegi. He felt his heartbeat thrumming in his chest he felt like it was going to burst, like he couldn't inhale deeply enough. Like the shadows swimming throughout the woods were calling to something twisted and wrong deep inside of him.

Titmouse felt deeply ashamed of himself. Not for the sudden change in his response to the woman he loved (although there was guilt for that, somewhere), but for all the evil that had worked its way through him. The more he wanted Maegi, the more he remembered the feeling of all his previous attempts and many failures — Sorina; Raven; what if he couldn't do what she asked? What if this hurt her too? He gasps, and retreats back from her, as if stung.