Stone Circle To you I’m probably a light sadness

seeing laurel had been enough to dismantle indra's confidence, but then having valette take her side -- well, it unraveled the redleaf. she wanted to be strong in this moment, to hold herself together -- but so much had happened, and so much of it beyond her control.

indra's stomach had already felt tight, but seeing valette protectively sweep alongside her made her stomach flip -- for she knew that in that moment valette had weighed her position heavily and sided with her, not her family. not xan.

never, not once in indra's life, had anyone taken her side save for laurel -- no one had ever stood up for her, or put their neck on the line for her, or even made others stand down.. indra felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude and guilt crowd her senses -- this woman, who had given them everything (safety, a home, a sense of belonging) was now casting aside her family for her and laurel?

and she felt guilty too, for she wanted xan to be part of her life, in that inexplicable way one is attached to someone no good for them. she did not wish for him to be crucified, but she didn't much care for the way he had carelessly woven in and out of her life, disrupting the tapestry of her life's events, snaring in permanent knots the blips in which he had passed back and forth like snarls of thread in a patchwork, a pendulum ever swinging and never staying.

(maybe she was stupid for hoping he'd stay this once.)

indra's expression was anguish as xan spoke his piece, explaining he had apologized -- and he had, but no apology would ever change the course their lives had taken since he had allowed them in bearclaw. indra did not want to think for a moment of how different their life would be -- it was too discouraging for words. she wordlessly took in a shaky breath but remained by valette, cursing the fragility of her own emotions. off in the distance was laurel -- she could feel the glare of her sister somewhere, and she looked miserably onwards, refusing to meet either xan or laurel's eyes. "go, then." indra ushered, holding fast to valette's side.