The Sunspire i had it all figured out, even what we would argue about

she neutralized. her pitiful demeanor dropped and though terance wouldn't think to call it cheerful, it made him feel like less of a monster. he wasn't a monster-- it hurt that she regarded him as such. but she seemed better, less afraid-- he truly didn't know what she'd expected, but he hoped she saw that this wasn't that.

"i'm not so great with explaining, usually but... i think i can get this across," he started with a lighthearted grin, though his voice audibly wavered. it wasn't that he was afraid it was just... a lot? terance always hated talking about this-- about himself. about problems that? well, honestly, terance thought were downright stupid. no one should ever have to deal with them except for him, no one should hold this weight on their shoulders. 

"after that bear attack i got really... i still don't really know how to describe it-- mentally just fucked up. not in like, a scary way, but just in that-- like-- i didn't want to do anything. everything just felt so distant and and empty. everything was dull and numb and it just fuckin sucked. i fell through the ranks and ended up just sitting and doing nothing all day... and that's shitty, right? i was so useless, and i knew it. but i couldn't do anything about it and i think that made it worse? i don't know." god that was a mouthful. thankfully terance's voice was deep and slow as always, and though he stumbled once or twice all his words were clear-- so at least he didn't motorboat through it all and leave her completely confused on what the fuck had just spewed out of his mouth. phew. he had paused for a few moments, just to gather a few more thoughts and clear the lump from his throat-- not quite enough time for her to respond, probably.

and then we continue... "rannoch kind of... pulled me from that. he's a counselor, and pretty damn good at it, but all that aside he was just there for me. he's my best friend and really? honestly he's like a brother. i followed him to sunspire even though it meant losing every single other friend i'd ever made. i'd never do anything to hurt him or go behind his back and i... i just... i panicked," he said, ears falling back to his skull, "not that you don't have a right to him or liffey or anything i just... i thought he'd hear it from me. not that... not that i regret what we did-- i don't-- but it wasn't our place, not in that moment, and i dunno. i just thought it'd come from me." that sort of fell apart, ick. he repeated himself a few times in his ending monologue but, well, he hoped the point had mostly gotten across. rannoch was his best friend and terance had fucked up, rannoch should've heard it from him. at least in terance's guilty conscious.