Moonspear Yes it's into the fire we fly and the devil will burn

mostly informative and to get my own timeline in order
I am assuming now order is
Pref threads > thread with screech > pup move thread > this thread

And that this thread brings gannet to current! Tag is for reference unless you have time kit, if not we can have another later <3

It was unusual for him, but ever since he'd met with Screech, Gannet had been avoiding @Hydra. He had a lot of complicated feelings about what happened, but the root of it was anger and frustration, and he hated it. He just couldn't shake it.

He hadn't been lying before when he said he understood why they did what they did. Even when they'd broken his leg, he hadn't been angry... because it had been here. Their land, their place, and he could have been threatening it.

But Screech hadn't been here. He'd been avoiding this place, as was right, and no threat to the Ostregas at all. Why would they attack him? And how could Hydra, when Gannet had told her he thought his brother innocent? Couldn't she just let him be? If it were her sisters, he would have. Maybe her version of friendship was different.

Rattled by this newfound negativity and his own doubts, he followed the paths down to the base of the peak, knowing most of the pack tended towards the top. He didn't mind running into anyone particularly, but it was easier to think when it was quiet.

It hadn't gone unnoticed to Charon that Gannet had hung back further throughout the pups' move to the rendezvous site. The past months Charon had mostly spent in a rut, tending to the pups and doing little else but guard; and hunt and patrol whenever one of his children would take the guard duty from him. Still getting used to having a little bit more free time Charon made his way down to the peak's base for a quick patrol, wanting to make sure all was safe before he'd maybe explore a little bit or see if he could track down some prey in the glen they could hunt later.

Ears cupped forward as he noticed Gannet in the distance. The Alpha chuffed to announce his presence, as the pack's Omega seemed lost in thought, and trotted over while he greeted: "Hey, Gannet. How are you doing?"

Charon's alert rang through his thoughts, and Gannet's head snapped around, though his tail gave a small wave and he did smile. The alpha male wasn't the source of his diversion, so he didn't warrant much of the fallout.

"Good," he answered, then wondered if that was indeed the truth. He was well enough, but... he hesitated.

"I don't.. " know how to say it, he finished internally. He was her dad... Gannet knew immediately he couldn't bring this up with anyone but she herself, if he needed to. So he tried again. "Are we family?"

It was a question he'd been asking himself a while, and one he had no idea of Charon's feelings on. There was no plea behind it, just a question, and yes or no, it likely didn't matter a whole lot. But his talk with Screech had made him think a lot of things, and this was definitely the one he wished to bring forward here. Likely the only one.

'Good' didn't seem much like the truth to Charon, but he nodded with a murmur of hmm-mm in response rather than calling his thrall out on his words right away. He merely let the word simmer, for surely Gannet knew it wasn't the truth too -- or did he? at times, wolves were oblivious to things so obvious to others because they'd lie to themselves -- and it would surface sooner or later.

Half a sentence came out, unfinished, a think that irked Charon. He remained silent until the rest of the question rolled out. "Family?" The surprised tone in his voice said enough, surely; Charon did not think Gannet as family, well, not in the same way that he thought his daughters, sons or his mate as family. Gannet was a part of the pack but he was still a thrall and Omega, sworn loyal to his family rather than being part of his family directly.

"Family is blood. You are not." That was as simple as it got for Charon. The only way for another to join his family was by courtship, for that would mingle the blood between his family and theirs. "Why does this bother you?" For 'family' was really just a word and when he had come here, and when he had accepted the terms to his thrallship, Gannet surely had realised that he would not be family but serve family.

He knew the answer on some level, or at least he thought he had, but he couldn't say it wasn't a disappointment. It wouldn't have likely have been such an isolating one if there were more like him in the pack, but as it was, it meant he'd never belong as much as most, if not all, here. "It doesn't," he said, and then his ears tipped back. "Not really." It did, but not for a reason that he could put into words. He'd given up his family to join this one, and now he knew he never really would.

He'd promised, and his word was the one thing he never went back on, but it did bring a sort of ineffable sadness. "Do you want non-family?" He asked then, the question he'd been curious both when he met Ocellus and when he met Andalusia. They'd both been allowed to stay, but did Charon dislike having members who weren't blood now?

Not really suggested that there was something that lingered there, that it wasn't really 'it doesn't' but that there was something. Charon felt irked, because he didn't enjoy playing games like these and not truly knowing what was up. He frowned as a silence fell between them briefly before Gannet asked: Do you want non-family?

It was a good question, but one that was slightly laughable to Charon. After all, what did it matter to Gannet, who was sworn to serve anyway? "A pack needs non-family. To stock up for winter, to fill the ranks where needed. But there is a also a bigger risk for those leaving," he eyed Gannet as a second of silence ticked between them, "While family is more prone to stick around." There was a risk -- Julia'd shown that -- but not as big as with non-family. How many wolves he had given a change only to be stabbed in the back... Ame was the one who had stuck with him through it all alongside their children -- all but that one child -- so they were more reliable. He enjoyed spending time between his family because they were loyal to him, but he knew others were needed. But he saw them for what they were: Temporary additions to the pack that would leave sooner or later.

But not Gannet.

"But you are different. You may not be family, but you are sworn loyal to this family." He looked at Gannet's face to make sure that he understood the implications of this, even today, even many moons after swearing this loyalty. "That makes you more than non-family."

Everything that Charon said made perfect sense, and normally, that would satisfy Gannet. He could feel himself teetering between appeased and not, but instead, he just ended up being ok. Of his siblings, he'd always been the most family-oriented... he'd adored them all, and tended to throw himself openly into loving with abandon. Finding them gone had shaken him, and even when he'd turned Towhee down initially, it had been because he saw Moonspear as an opportunity at a new family. Hearing Charon say in so few words this was not going to be the case did disappoint.

More than non-family... it could maybe be enough. It was good to at least know where he stood, even if it meant he knew he could never lose the wariness around Charon and Amekaze that he operated with daily. He'd never be able to treat them with the casualness their children did, and the mountain would never truly be his. But it could be enough. It kinda had to be?

"I am," he said, nodding to show he understood, but not meeting his eye.  He supposed that was all that really needed to be said on that, yeah?

Actually... no. It wasn't. He would never be a significant boat-rocker, but Gannet was starting to grow into something akin to a voice. And this time he felt like he should use it, because he didn't really like what Charon had said thus far, and maybe he had the chance to change it. Or it could all backfire... who knew?

"I should have more." He said, and while he kept submissive, his voice was firm. "I left my family. I chose yours." It was how he felt at his core. He didn't want to lose his name, or take the Ostrega one. He just wanted to be seen as one of them... no footnotes, no distinctions.

At first it seemed as if his words put Gannet at ease. Whatever was bothering him and for whatever reason, Charon didn't really think he was the one to do anything about it. It sounded like more of an internal thing, to him.

The peace that seemed to come with the words didn't last very long. When Gannet said he 'should have more', Charon quirked an eyebrow though he did not seem to get angry or think much of it otherwise (at least nothing that one could read from his face). It didn't really matter, in Charon's view, what anyone should have or deserved because life wasn't fair. Gannet should've learned that by now. But he had made the choice to do this; maybe he did not have much choice to become thrall here -- for otherwise Charon would have likely killed him -- but he did make his choice when he assaulted wolves chasing Galaxy's murderer and had his leg broken. There had been moments of choice and he had made his. He'd made his bed, now all he could do was sleep in it. But's and if's and should-be's weren't of much good.

"That's right," Charon said. "You chose. If you want more than you have, all you can do is work for it. There's no use moping around or thinking about past choices or feeling like you should have more, because guess what, life isn't fair and you only get what you grab. I shouldn't have seen my mother get murdered by a bear when I'd only just learned how to walk or had most of my family die on me, but I picked myself up and worked for what I own now." He didn't mean to say Gannet should work to become king of the mountain. That wasn't really an option for him, now. But if he worked hard enough without complaining then maybe he would be released from his thrall-ship and maybe he could take a real place in this pack then, a different place. Family? Charon thought it unlikely, but he did not say this, because who knew. Maybe Gannet would impress him some day. Probably not today, though.

Gannet hadn't realized how much this had been killing him until right now, but it seemed like all of his pent up frustration came to a head, and he had needed to let it out. It wasn't a particularly impressive display, but for the taciturn boy, it was quite a lot. Gannet wasn't the type to worry about his rank, his status, much of anything. But there was one thing he wanted, and that was to belong. To be a part of something, unconditionally, and to bond with those who he was a part of it with.

Yet all he heard, all any of them ever gave him, was 'try harder' and 'do more' and 'prove yourself' and then maybe. Maybe they'd let him belong. It was like he was ramming his head against a rock and expecting it to give way, and it had been slowly eating away at his peace, replacing it with a burgeoning sense of discomfort. Even Hydra, who was his closest friend here, he knew felt this was proper. Prove yourself. Try harder.

But this was all he had. This was the hardest he could try... there was nothing else he could do. He'd already given up everything for them, accepted their decisions, lived by their rules, and supported their land. He wasn't questioning his past choices; he knew those were made. He wasn't saying he wished he hadn't... he was asking why that seemed to mean nothing to them.

He listened as Charon spoke, and slowly he wilted, submitting with a meek lowering of his head and ears flattened back. He was never going to do enough, and if what he just said didn't change that, there were no more words to say. "Ok." Acceptance, but still his mind turned with the implications. So he glanced up, and with a polite dip of his head, made to depart.

so many feels in this thread. <3 it is so hard to write an asshat like Charon at these moments -wants to scoop Gannet up and snuggle up-

Gannet said 'ok' but Charon instantly knew it wasn't 'ok'. He watched as his thrall left. Of course the life of a thrall was no good but he could have been dead. He should be happy to be alive at all. Something about all of this didn't sit well with Charon, but he decided that the best thing he could do for now was simply try to shrug it off. Maybe Gannet just needed more time. Maybe he just had a rough day. Regardless, it wasn't like anything would change by moping, and so Charon let him depart under his stern gaze -- he watched the Omega as he left, feeling like there was nothing more he could give. Charon felt he had already given so much to Gannet -- his life, for starters -- and what was the Omega really expecting? For him to welcome him as his son? To be more than the random rubble that the pack would house from time to time beside the core of family was already a lot in Charon's eyes. Why was it not enough?

He sat for a good while on the spot where he had had the conversation with Gannet, thinking about these things. Eventually he decided to simply let it go and he started to make his way to the borders where he'd do a briskly paced patrol to let go of some of his frustrations.